Author: Jane and Blanche

 Last week our favorite Latina was sent packing. The seamstresses all had a huge party… a going away party. Go F yourselves Fashion Star But after seeing her “winning look” We are kinda glad she’s gone….   for $265 we expect sleeves  Reminded us of another famous design:   DENISEEEEEEE!!!!!!! On to this week! We [...]

   A Night on the Town.  Cars? Is Oprah coming? Look out Sylvia, the seamstress’ had target practice this week. Duck and weave, Duck and weave! 1st float in the Gay Pride Parade!  She’ll never really play on our team  They promised I’d never have to work with her again! Who can I get kicked off this [...]

This show starts with some good news- the designers get to meet this week with the buyers to hear what they really want. Does anyone else feel like this should have been in the first or second week? Isn’t this like making kids take final exams over and over before teaching them the lessons?   Makes [...]

Condom hats are only 97% effective protection against expulsion Sorry about no recap last week.  Blame Jane, she went on a vacation, the whore. We missed some drama on Richey’s team. Apparently Condom hat and Daniel are way better than everyone else, including us. If they don’t need us then why are they on this show?  They need to [...]

HELLLOOOOO Gasmii!!! Welcome Back to another week of fashion and fasholenss! We are here once again, and in the same PJ’s from 3 weeks ago, to judge and criticize what to wear and what not to wear.  Let’s get it on!   Blanche informs me that the intro doesn’t say that Jessica is America’s favorite [...]

Hola Gasmii! It was a working weekend for us so we’re a little tardy to the party (don’t sue us, Kandi). But we’re ready to rock this recap…or a least roll it a little. While we do like the pace of this season’s shows, it doesn’t leave a lot of room for mocking. We start [...]

    Here we are again, Gasmii, ready to walk down the runway with you each week and fantastically sit in judgement of others.  Life is good.  We would like to take a moment to thank NBC for keeping this show to a one hour format. It could easily have been over done into a two-hour ordeal [...]

Hola our beautiful, beautiful Gasmi!! Have you missed us?  We have missed you so. We have been boring each other with random snarkiness and look forward to having an audience for a change. Of course, we are assuming that other people are actually watching a show where Jessica Simpson and Nicole Bitchie are still relevant. Oh and [...]

Is it over? Greetings, good Gasmii people of the world! We are here with news… The world will not end today, it ended Wednesday night…Start-ups in the SV has ended, let us all rejoice. Please understand that we LOVE reality TV. We LOVE Bravo TV. So, of course, we were very excited to recap a [...]

Jane is flying the friendly skies this week so I am flying solo for this Mini- the recap will be posted Friday morning. We apologize for the delay. With the devastating tragedy in Connecticut it was really hard to give a flying shit about these self-absorbed, ridiculous people.  I was quickly reminded, however,  that snark is the spice of [...]

  We feel ya Herms   Hola Gasmii! Welcome to another week in the SV. Where life is fabulous if you’ve got money, or apparently even if you don’t. We start again, shocking, with Snots waking up and stretching. Christ. ENOUGH. We get it “new day, new show.” Snots is still upset that Herms strapped on [...]

Howdy Gasmii, you know, just when you get into a routine, Bravo goes and changes things all up! WTF COHEN?! Tuesdays?! Ugh, at least this borefest is on an hour earlier now. Sigh. Whatever. On a more exciting note, Jane (a flight attendant) had Reese Witherspoon on a flight this past week AND was totally [...]

We’re here! We’re here! We have not forgotten you, Gasmii!  Don’t you hate it when real life gets in the way of your TV watching?  Work schedules have kept us away from you, but we are here to give your weekly fix of snark and judgement on these people in the SV. The show opens [...]

Here we are Gasmi wanting to share with you but not really wanting to type. Our Facetime sessions are pure gold and we hope to record them in the future so you can really see how the magic happens. If anyone knows how to do this we would love to hear it. We promise not to include [...]

  Hello Gasmii! Welcome to another week of texting with Jane and Blanche. It was well received last time so we decided to take the easy way out, again, and share or “notes” for the show. Full recap tomorrow:) Enjoy!  To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, https://twitter.com/#!/tvgasm“>follow us on Twitter</a>. [...]

AWKWARD!!! There’s an app for that.   Hellloooooooooooo Gasmi! Welcome to another week of the incredibly interesting SV…. if incredibly interesting now means incredibly shallow and barely average. We start the show where we left them last week, begging for money. It’s so very Oliver Twist.  They get shot down, so no gruel tonight kids. Snots didn’t like the [...]

Heeeeelllllllooooooo, Gasmi!!! We know you missed us so we won’t make you tell us… unless you really, really want to. What we really, really want (try to get THAT song out of your head now)- we want to tell you what we thought of Bravo’s new show Start-ups. We know you’ve been holding your breath, [...]

  Helllooooooo Gasmi! WE ARE BACK!!! We missed ya’ll….  Wellllllllll  it just so happens that the week we start back up, trying to be hilarious, Blanche has a wicked cold (is totally all methed out on Nyquil ), and I have to go to work at an UNGODLY hour tomorrow… So our mini cap is [...]

Nick? Money sure does change people… Well, Gasmii, they promised us the “most shocking and most disturbing” Bachelor Pad Finale ever and what did we get? Annoying and irritating? Sure. Mildly amusing and predictable? Definitely. So what happened? Why all the hubbub? They made us wait 2 hours to tell us, we’re only going to make [...]

WOW, Gasmi it was a wild and groovy night at the Bachelor Pad! They promised us “the most shocking and disturbing Bachelor Pad finale ever.” And really what could be more disturbing than having to watch this show all summer long only to see an awkward proposal, awkward hot seats and an awkward ending. It’s [...]

Hola, Gasmi! We’re back at the pad, ready for a giant mess of an episode. there is A LOT of filler in this episode, we have never heard Chris Harrison speak so slowly and use the same words over and over. Why does ABC insist on 2 hours? We start right after the last rose [...]

Welcome back to the Bachelor Pad, Gasmi. It’s an episode full of tears this week because TWO couples go home…TWO!!!!! Just think of what this show would have been like if they had sent two couples home every week. Let’s us take a moment to reflect on that… Oh well. This week there is a [...]

  Well Hellloooooo! Welcome to the Season Finale of Hollywood Exes. Yes it’s over…sigh, of relief or sadness, you choose.   We start the show with Mayte nervously awaiting the phone call from her agent with word of whether she got the part in the movie. She did. Next. Sheree is actually seen with her husband. [...]

Hello, Gasmii! We’re here for another installment of Who’s the Biggest Whore?! There are several contestants in the running and most of them are men. We start where we left off last time, Michael and Erica have just gone home and Rachel is still heaving from the ugly cries. Chris Harrison informs them that they [...]

Well here we are again Hellllooooo Gasmii! We are Back! Did you miss us? Sorry it’s taken a few days to get this Recap up, but our father has been in the hospital. Papa Jane and Blanche is home and on the road to recovery, so onward and upward we go! The show this week [...]

How do you spell Unibomber? Ok, Gasmii- we’re ready to share the train wreck that is Bachelor Pad this week. Chris is devastated that Blakeley is still in the house. His friends lied to him. He isn’t as popular as he thought he was. And he has to see Blakeley walking around ”acting all happy.” It’s the [...]

If the Trailer’s a Rockin’ - Don’t come- a- knockin’ Hello our Gasmii lovers- we’re back for a love-fest at the Bachelor Pad. This week Jane finally hates Ed as much as Blanche hates Ed. He’s a big ole girl, folks and we mean that in the worst possible way.  He made a girl cry and when that girl already has a [...]

 Helllooooo Lovers of Gasmi! Here we are, week 9 of Hollywood Exes. Where did the time go? Wasn’t it just a few weeks ago these women were boring…. ahhh memories. We start the show with Drea and Sheree going shopping. Well, not really shopping, more of a “hold a dress up and tell me what you [...]

Gosh we miss Guy Smiley HHHeeelllloooooo, our Gasmii friends! It’s time to recap episode 4 of Bachelor Pad 3, 2 days late and 1 dollar short… This game show begins with a game show… Is there a more technical term for what we’re caught in here?  Chris Harrison tells us that it’s a Gameshow Mashup. No, that’s not it…oh, that’s [...]

I’m the better person Hola! The season is winding down just as the drama got started and this week we dealt with the aftermath of some flying glass. Drea finally finds a man but doesn’t want him. Sheree has to whoop her own ash because her chemist can’t do it right. Nicole is on a billboard in Vegas, right [...]

What every girl aspires to become…according to Chris Have you missed us Gasmii? It’s been a whole week since our beloved freak show aired. Now it’s back and freakier than ever. These week promises to get personal instead of physical with a Match Game style game show and one on one dates instead of gang bangs. [...]

Hellloooo Gasmi! Welcome to week 8, yes week 8, of Hollywood Exes. This shit has gotten good, and by good we mean these women have gone crazy! We start the show with Drea and Percy, her new man (btw totally gay) discussing the previous weeks venture to Palm Springs. Drea tells him all about the Drama, and he is [...]

 No Quiero Jessica  Wow, Gasmii! We are all up in the muck this week! Can we hear a Hallelujah? 15 years after losing 2 babies, Mayte is finally getting out all her pain and sadness and dumping it on Jessica’s head. And what happens when you dump all your shit on an emotionally stunted woman? [...]

Yes, you are having a great time!  Ok, Gasmii- we are back for another week of drama, betrayal, vendettas and tears! Our very own twisted soap opera, Bachelor Pad. We begin where the last rose ceremony ended. Reid is stunned that his evil plan misfired and Ed didn’t go home. He’s also worried that Ed will find out he [...]

Pay attention girls- this is what happens when you get too close to a nut sack. Hola, Gasmii- another week of our favorite show we love to hate… Poor Ed. He doesn’t understand where he is or what’s going on. But he did get lucky again so maybe he’s the smart one. We’ve started calling Sarah [...]

Who put a dick in this box? Hello lovelies! Jane was down with a migraine yesterday so we’re bringing you our recap a day late- so sorry! What a show this week!!! So much bickering, so little love, finally!! We start off all nicey, nice- Nicole, Jessica and Sheree are shopping for bathing suits and [...]

Let’s ALL be twins!   Hola Gasmii! Have no fear! We are here…to recap Bachelor Pad… Lame? Sorry. We are going to be honest, guys, we have never watched Bachelor or Bachelorette. At least not more than Joel McHale showed us on The Soup. And we haven’t watched the two other seasons of Bachelor Pad either so we had [...]

Holy Crab cakes!!! Jessica, please don’t eat me!! Hola Gasmii! We are sooooo happy- we prayed for drama and boy did we get it! We are in bitch slap heaven!  In this week’s episode; Jessica may or may not believe crabs are vegetables. We learned how Mayte’s baby died… and how Jessica’s baby died! Even three [...]

Well you can tell by the way I use my walk…  HOLA Gasmi! Welcome to another fun-filled, educational (boring) episode of Hollywood Exes.  We know we sound like a broken record, guys, but we are getting more and more bitter with every passing week. They don’t need to be mean to each other but give us something [...]