Author: Medusa

Even the score? Eliminate two of these doucheballoons every episode.

Hell hosts Family Day!!!

It’s time Team Red gets a little more estrogen…

Another 2 hour inferno of more creative cursing than creative cuisine.

Hotter than Hell and feisty as a witch.

One more season in Hell.

But since he didn’t threaten to bury anyone in the rose garden, we can chalk it up to frustration and a lack of vitamin B in his diet and not full on Mel-mania.

…can cause birth defects.

Maybe it’s enlightenment… maybe it’s Maybelline.

This is Vegas, they don’t need luck… Just hidden cameras.

Brain storm? Wintery mix of thoughts? A transient flurry of brain function?

It’s time for our contestants to hit the streets of Vegas, how will they behave during daylight hours?

They can keep their plastic surgery secrets, but can they shut up when it counts for cash?

The new season begins and keeps it classy.

Sandra Bernhard has given up on comedy and anorexia and has opened a salon in a Chicago suburb (I don’t think it’s Lanford), called Earth Moon Sun. What’s with these stylists? They have no style, they’re not on my list!!! In actuality the owner of the salon featured in the season finale of Tabatha’s Salon [...]

Robert and Jody own Tantrum Salon in Covina, CA. They have been partners for about 5 years, but it’s not all gravy. The business is in trouble, Robert can offer nothing but excuses for the shortcomings of the salon and Jody has become adept at avoiding the problems, more than she avoids Robert. Tantrum has [...]

In Chicago’s Lakeview neighborhood stands Chicago Male, a men’s only salon owned by Scott. Scott also owns the most substantial chin implant seen on screen since Mickey Rourke in Sin City. Chin-tastic! Lakeview is home to a large gay community and as Scott is quick to point out, “there are 55,000 men out there!” Looking [...]

Tabatha has been called to Refuge Salon in Silver Lake, California for episode seven of Tabatha’s Salon Takeover. This troubled salon is owned by Miriam, and Amish outcast and current hipster. Miriam is a brilliant combination for a small business owner. She has the rich education of an Amish girl and the sharp business sense [...]

Nikki Mallon owns Brownes & Co. in Miami, Florida. At one time the salon was wildly successful… now Nikki is just wildly insane and driving her business into the ground. Dispite being a Nikki is a pessimistic, rude, insensitive ogre, she’s beckoned Tabatha back to Florida for episode six of Tabatha’s Salon Takeover. Just the [...]

Tabatha is back in the Golden state on the 5th episode of Tabatha’s Salon Takeover to face Plush Salon, or as they call themselves Glamma Glamma Plush. Which wouldn’t be totally obnoxious is someone in the salon was as intelligent and professional as Bruiser Woods, never mind Elle. Omigod you guys, this is the best [...]

Episode 3 of Tabatha’s Salon Takeover brings our angel of discipline to Bang Salon in Fort Lauderdale, Florida – because Bang is run by a douchebag. I take that back. Not “a” douchebag, THE douchebag. Darren opened Bang Salon almost six years ago — so if the salon were a child, that child would now [...]

Eclectic Salon in Los Angeles was a high-end, forward-thinking, top-earning, multicultural salon when it opened. Currently it’s high-end circus… which is why owner Jacqui has called in reality television’s toughest ringmaster. In episode 3 of Tabatha’s Salon Takeover, Ms. Coffey is in LA to pull Jacqui and Eclectic Salon from the brink of collapse. Eleven [...]

Episode two of Tabatha’s Salon Takeover brings Tabatha Coffey to Miami, Florida to meet with Pablo, owner of Allure Salon. Pablo is barely able to drink and but is on the brink of bankruptcy as owner of the Coconut Grove salon. Pablo took a job at the front desk of Allure out of high school, [...]

After 23 years in business, Eddie is facing hard times at Orbit Salon. Recession? No. Advent of root touch-up? No. A filthy hair trap staffed by self absorbed workers? Bingo. Someone will be castrated. Luckily one woman is on hand to fight the powers of laziness and apathy with only a perfect platinum coif and [...]

Week nine opens at last week’s elimination. Now that the final two have been selected, just now, we’re led to believe… they are thrown into the final challenge. They will be redesigning an entire house: two bedrooms, a kitchen and a living room. Stupid with promise…

It’s episode 8 of Design Star and we’ve officially sucked out the silicone and made room for the final three. Tone, Meredith and Danny Appleseed face off to become the new face of HGTV. Jessie spotted the tan wall. It’s morning in Hollywood and it’s time for our designers to shine like a Design Star. [...]

Welcome back to the hunt for the next great star of HGTV–and eventually, the KMart clearance bin– Design Star. With only four designers remaining, Design Star issues a new challenge in episode seven, the designers must redesign a backyard. Manscaping… You know Dan’s an artist.

I apologize for another tardy recap. My laptop is about as active as Jason’s sense of sophistication. Meaning, not. Not active. Thank you for all for sticking with me. Or is it just Antonio you’re after? I promise, there’s more of Tone after the jump… I love a man with neck tattoos. Sorry Dad.

It’s episode five of Design Star. Last week we lost two designers, so only six designers remain: two with potential to win and four others that can hopefully parlay this experience into a side job at Home Depot DIY clinics. This week we will honor the country’s military heroes, with the use of talent, ingenuity [...]

Eight designers remain in the Hollywood hills with a chance to win their own series on HGTV. Well… really, seven designers remain with a chance to win their own series, and they have a roommate named Tashica. Sorry Tash. Jason, the cracker designing kracker, has a better chance.

Design Star has reached week three and it’s time for the white room challenge. The nine remaining designers will have to stop blustering and execute a design based solely on their design concept and know-how… or shirk responsibility and get by solely on good intentions. Let’s join the action…

Welcome back to Design Star! I would like to thank everyone for their comments the past two weeks. I’ve learned more about the judges and the host from the TVgasm comment boards than their Wikipedia pages. I appreciate all the feedback! Bring it!

Welcome to the Design Star recaps. Time starts… now

On the new season of Design Star, HGTV gives 11 contestants the chance to win their own television series. Each week the contestants participate in a challenge to determine who is worthy of Doug Wilson-caliber celebrity. The person who is the least telegenic and the most likely to end up designing high school drama club [...]

It’s the beginning of the final week, week 4. The hosts provide a recap, but much like I am, they are really just polishing a turd. Let’s just move forward, shall we?

How does it start? Dear Celebrities… It’s the beginning of week 3 and another 72 hours have elapsed since we last saw our favorite Costa Rican captives. I consulted the official rules on NBC.com and since we have only made it past vote 2, we still have votes 3-5 remaining–which will leave us with 5 [...]

Thank you for joining me for another episode of I’m a Celebrity! Get Me Out of Here! I hope to make this easier for you than NBC made it for me. You’re going down for this one Silverman. You’re officially on my broadcast television shit list after David Caruso, the cast of “Gossip Girl” and [...]

***And now, please welcome one of your Auditiongasm faves to the team, MEDUSA!!! So, let’s start with a 10 second review of I’m a Celebrity! Get Me Out of Here! Celebrities arrive in Costa Rica. Heidi and Spencer quit, return. Celebrities survive their first night and first food challenge in the jungle, Heidi and Spencer [...]