Author: Monamonzano

I will eat you. This week on more to love, the “good wife” “bad wife” exercise basically fucks with the fragile minds of all the plus-size ladies in the house. Well, that’s all the ladies. The person who wins and loses the exercise cry a lot, go on a one-on-one date, and the rest of [...]

A necessary production cost This week on More to Love, fat-ass talons fly as the girls show their true colors on two group dates and one very bitchy solo date to vegas! Yes, there are pools involved, and also involuntary vomiting. Are you excited? I am. There’s always a second helping at the proverbial buffet [...]

Like, 200 lbs more. This week on the Series Premiere of Fox’s More to Love, Luke, a 26 year old dude is looking for a chunky lady to be his everything. And man, there is a LOT of lady to go around. These women are like, super fat and super desperate and ready to get [...]

***Another week, another random ass show we don’t cover. This one? Is a doozie. Please welcome Monamonzano with 16 and Pregnant! I am so, so sorry. This week on “Make me a teenage mother,” aka, “16 and Pregnant,” the season finale is all about giving away babies so they don’t grow up as Midwestern trash. [...]

Amanda would call this baby gay On the nail-biting finale (and pre-finale) episode of Make Me A Supermodel, shit hits the Flan! I mean fan. I’m on a diet, bitches, leave me ALONE! Mohahaha, Starburst, Brandon and Jonathan do a fire shoot where they only have like 10 takes. Then they get to do some [...]

This week, A Tarp guest judges. Not surprisingly, said tarp has more personality than Tyson and all the models combined. Also, when the tarp goes through the film, he finds some excess nails and a sock. Also, this tarp wants to see more variety from Jonathan. Last but not least, the tarp hooks up with [...]

…it’s like Stephen Ambrose nonfiction, only bustier. Exploring exotic western openings since America’s birth Ughhh, you guys, I am in SUCH a bitchy mood, I’m tempted to tell you who got booted in this intro and call this motherf***er a night. God giveth and god taketh away, and motherfu***rs, though I am an unfair, menstruating [...]

This week: Salome works on a gut to match her ass Make Me A Supermodel is all about bare-assedness this week… too bad Gabe isn’t here. They do a nude photo shoot to showcase accessories and rock-hard abs, and then the models get back to their usual activity: bitching about each other. Jonathan has money [...]

O.Snapp is on vacation this week, so please welcome your sub Hills recapper, Monamonzano! Back to something important- ME! This week, the ramifications of the “Boys” Hawaiian vacation erupts in monumental, melodramatic, man-coholic and often melancholic douchebaggery, Heidi and Spence keep seeing the therapist after another run-in with Stace-face, and Blahdrina gets torn a couple [...]

Gone Country! This week on Make Me a Supermodel, it’s country time lemonade meets angsty modeling mayhem! The kids go to the country and take photos with livestock. Also, a personal trainer comes in to help them shape up, and some deal with it better than others (Jordan Mcbitchalot, I’m talking to you). Also, Colin [...]

Do I see Boobs? This week on MAKE ME A SUPERMODEL, the models do a Mod sixties shoot with partners that they like a lot or don’t like at all. Kerryn’s forhead really shines in this episode, folks, literally and figuratively. The Go-sees prove that not everyone has what it takes, and the catwalk challenge [...]

Make me a supertease This week on Bravo’s MAKE ME A SUPERMODEL, the models do a weird, netty underwater shoot. Salome overcomes her fear of the water (thanks, Mennonite parents!) and Branden gets cockier than ever when faced with not having the best photo. The go-see is for People’s Revolution, and Salome is also stifling [...]

Daddy Like. This week on Make me a Supermodel, it’s all about passion. Threesome photo shoots make me TINGLY. The models contend with their own insecurities while in cute sailor suits, and the catwalk stresses a sort of ham-fisted role reversal….where the girls wear power suits and the guys wear skirts. And yeah, I still [...]

Mouhaha: Bringing the pretty. This week on Make me a Supermodel, Tyson is gone because he got a modeling gig? Yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it. The gals and dudes have a shoot based on who they are, or at least how they look like in front of mirrors. The winners get a [...]

Hotness McHotterstein. This week, it’s all about sports, but not looking retarded while doing them. Yep, it’s gonna be a hard challenge for these models. The shoot consists of the models flying around in the air like rag dolls, and then the catwalk is them in sexy little underwear cages. Mmmm…and, of course, a little [...]

Happy Undergarments Hey YO! Welcome to the world renowned, celebrity-studded recap of Bravo Tv’s MAKE ME A SUPERMODEL! WOHOOO! By world-renowned, I guess I mean in my bedroom and surrounding living spaces. By Celebrity-studded, I mean my cats are chillin with me whilst I write this. So join me, friends lovers and brethren, as I [...]

Uh oh…we have a crier in the house. Well, after I’m sure a long, angst-ridden waiting period…I, Monamonzano, bring you the FINALE of your favorite show, True Beauty! Well, let’s say the show you love to hate, because favorite would be…ahem, maybe a bit to strong. This week, they have their People Magazine Challenge that [...]

They called me chipmunk-cheeks in middle school. Guess I showed them! This week on True Beauty, four contestants remain: Paggie, LLL, Encino Man and Billy. In a surprise move, their moms (and Billy’s dad) come to escort them to a fake hollywood party, and they get judged on their conversational skills, beauty and ability to [...]

I just pinpointed the exact moment Vanessa Manillo went crazy. This week on True Beauty, the Beauties are thinning out, but I don’t mean physically. I also am not making a reference to Billy’s hair. It’s a judgement by teens as to who is the fittest, prettiest and nicest. TEENAGERS, people! Complete with sniper comments, [...]

More old people? AHHHHH! This magnificent week on True Beauty, the Beauties learn what it’s like to undergo relatively low-pressure exercise that doesn’t involve a gym. Then, they have to shoot a video, ironically, about what “Natural Beauty” means to them. Yeah, I know, somebody hide their boobies (I’m looking at you, LLL). The Judges [...]

Today’s challenge? I make you all 98 degree MIX TAPES! This week on True Beauty, Nessie makes the Beauties pose with old people for a photo shoot. Eeew! She also makes them do terrible impressions of themselves for her own amusement. Who will bump heads? Who will throw a tantrum? Who will help an ugly [...]

This week on True Beauty, The beauties take action sports photos. America’s next top model fans beware, there are always those lame catches that make the contestants seem more “human,” like tests of “Compassion,” “selflessness” and…”non-dickheadishness.” Okay, I made up the “non-dickheadheshness. ” It’s not a word, just a state of mind. Mr. Caddywhompus is….TRUE [...]

****Our next gasm writer to take AI audition duty is the lovely and talented Mona. Enjoy! Hey all, Please welcome ME, MONAMONZANO, taking you on a magic tour bus through AMERICAN IDOL AUDITIONS: SAN FRANCISCO. Instead of a lot of LSD and other assorted hallucenogens, it’s voices. Good voices, bad voices. All brought to you [...]

Nessie, explaining quantum physics to Nole. This week, True Beauty, features Vanessa Hudgens, I mean Manillo, as a personality-less troll with some serious facial expressions and the kiddies get to give to cherity. And by charity, I mean someone besides Chelsea.

***And now please welcome home Monamonzano with True Beauty!! Can you see my soul? Well, it’s hot. The question True Beauty poses is: can beauty be measured by science? Yes. Can Douchiness? Science hasn’t progressed that far, folks.

The Class keeps getting Klassier here at Rock of Love: Charm School! This week, the ladies learn all about the fine art of lovin’ men…while lookin’ hideous. The girls get uglied up, go on speed dates with C list celebrities and shoot the shit in their ugly suits….and, of course, controversy reigns when the ladies [...]

This week on Charm School, the girls give back to the community by starring in PSAs. Seriously. This is your brain on Charm School.

In last week’s episode of charm school, everyone but Brandi C. is glad Megan is gone. The lesson is “girls shall not rock rude.” Lisa Gachet comes in and shows the girls proper dining etiquette And the girls pick teams, because they’ll be entertaining a very special guest: Sharon Osbourne’s friend, the Duchess. They have [...]

In this episode, the girls put together weird little bands complete with manager, music director, creative directors and stylist. Unfortunately, they’re about as talented as you think they are. Throw some makeup on this kid and maybe a water bra and he could have won.

****Well, you guys have been sending your letters in begging for Charm School, and since we are in complete and total love with you, please welcome Monamonzano!! Yikes. Makeover time!

It’s finale time, folks! So we left Ronen at the Parke & Ronen shoot yelling at our heroine…I mean heroin Janice Dickinson of the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency. Janice hangs up on pedophile Ronen, saying “The Israeli Army is strong but they don’t know Janice Dickinson.” Right. I love people who want to take on [...]

This week in the JDMA, Chandler picks on plussie Alana and Marty has a little chat about acceptance with the plussies. Plus Size Model Magazine comes and casts Alana and Ivory for a shoot and though Janice doesn’t like the idea, she brings FROOT LOOPS TO THE CASTING. FROOT LOOPS. The shoot is sloppy and [...]

Seven till Midnight pick models for their sexy Lingerie shoot, they want plus sized models, too, though, and Nathan brings in some despite an unwilling Janice. Xian harps about her weight and at the next shoot, gets excluded from the casting, a high-end underwear butt-enhancement designer’s shoot. Nadia, Dominic and Christian get this one, and [...]

This week on Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency: Merlin Castell comes in with whip in hand, picking models for his couture show. Crystal is called “too commercial” and Gremlin has difficulty with the models’ walks and looks. Chandler calls Traci a slut and Janice has a little chit-chat with him, an the next day Crystal is [...]

Another week of Janis Dickinson, another mystery as to how Kehoe exists…. This shoot features Timberlands and old Newspapers.

Let’s hop back aboard USS Crazy, shall we? And who’s the captain? Of course, our friendly octogenarian zombie, Janice Dickinson. Why, might you ask, am I not the Captain? Well, I gave it up after I headed a little voyage called the Spanish Armada. Grew out of it, you know? Lacked enjoyment. Yeah, I’m old. [...]

Janice kicks date-rape out of the house, Tinte books models from the house and someone to be their spokesmodel, the boys do ballet, and Danny, J.P. and Peyton move into the house despite enangering a fussy gay makeup artist. Dominique gets picked for Tinte but can’t do it, and is replaced by Nadia. The girls get shot while Janice stages an eating disorder intervention with Polina, who insists she doesn’t have a problem.

Oh, how these models get disrupted by Kehoe! And, Janice is a self-proclaimed Germiphobe. Kentucky Denim goes better than I thought, meaning Kehoe gets his ass kicked by Dominic. And, people like Martin as a model, even though he’s hard of hearing and has a hunky interpreter. Traci moves into the house because Janice thinks she’s fat, and Hazuki gets her hair chopped off while Crystal looks on in pride (because she got a haircut, once, too). Xian makes a big ‘ol meal and Polina gets her teeth fixed. Kehoe gets kicked out. Lots is always happening here in the Model Mansion.