Author: TheMiki

Seriously, nothing happens. Nothing. Ever. Happens.

The ladies go to fashion week and learn nothing

Guidettes go to Aspen, and nothing really happens

If at first you don’t succeed, whine whine again.

The latest rag-tag gang of orange bitches with big hair all trying to talk over each other.

Greetings Gasmii, my apologies for how far behind I’ve fallen on recapping the actions of our favorite misfit gang of douchenozzles. After an incredibly busy week of everything that could possibly go wrong going wrong, and just when I was all caught up and ready to dole out some much-needed snark, I got smacked upside [...]

Last week on Tool Academy… I stayed up late to watch a repeat of Real Chance At Love Two because Vh1 decided they needed a sabbatical after two friggin episodes. The week before that we saw Beta Jon go home after proving that he wasn’t willing to put any effort whatsoever into his relationship, and [...]

This week on Tool Academy, we face the dreaded fidelity challenge, show some tool spirit, and learn that spelling is really really really hard. Kate Gosselin has already been eliminated, knocking out the highest ranked douchebag and leaving Beta John in the lead. Let’s see who cries, who yells, who gets punched in the face, [...]

Greetings Gasmii, how I have missed thee. Burning Man was an amazingly good time, full of dust and art and fire and fun that resulted in me coming back a few braincells shorter than I left. Hopefully it doesn’t affect my acerbic wit. I know you’ve all been waiting with bated breath to rip these [...]

After a terrifying month of thinking that Tool Academy 2 wasn’t going to air and I was gonna spend my Fall recapping a show about those other Kardashian sisters (you know, the ones without the sex tape), I was thrilled to find that the douche parade will indeed roll out on August 31st. Since I [...]

Greetings Gasmii. Have you ever wondered why it takes me so long to get my recaps up after a show has aired? If you guessed that it’s because I’m a lazy procrastinator with a mild to moderate drinking problem then you’re only half-right. Allow me to paint a picture for you of my writing process. [...]

Last week on Charm School, Marcia stressed about not being able to drink while in New Orleans, some charity work was done, Kip tried to pretend she wasn’t a bitch, and Brittanya got sent home. Yeah, basically the same thing that’s happened on every single episode of Charm School this season. This week we get [...]

Good lord I’m late on this recappage. I apologize profusely to all my loyal readers. I thought about making up some elaborate story about how I was kidnapped by aliens or forced to live underground while nazi zombies invaded my neighborhood, but the truth is that I met a girl and I got kinda distracted. [...]

Last week on Charm School… Ummm… Yeah, I think I took a nap or something because it was the most boring hour of television since round one of the Westminster Dog Show. In the end 3bay chose to go home, and no one was brought back, leaving us with only five ho’s left to battle [...]

Last week on Charm School, we all got a break from the trashiness because VH1 was busy airing some other nonsense that I’m not obligated to watch or write about. The week before that there was a bunch of drama involving K.O. and 3bay tried to give up her place so that K.O. could stay [...]

Previously on Charm School: The remaining contestants faced their fears by ripping off a lame MTV show, Marcia and Kip continued to not like each other, and Tranny got sent home to do some more of those awesome internet videos that pay her bills. Welcome back to Charm School, where product placement is reaching Biggest [...]

Previously on Charm School: Bubbles swam in the air even though Charm School has a pool, Kip and Marcia decided they hated each other, the dolphin squad squeaked at Porno, and Porno got sent home to get some nookie (and I threw up in my mouth a little). Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Charm School. [...]

Previously on Charm School: Soho threw a conniption fit and left, Farrah couldn’t handle Soho’s fit so she’s left, Risky played The Race Card, and then no one got eliminated, which came as a huge shock to all us loyal viewers. Welcome back to Charm School, where the only thing classier than the students is [...]

Last week on Charm School: Trash picked up trash, Kiki got eliminated, and we learned a whole new racial stereotype. We already learned that black girls are loud and white girls are drunk strippers with fake boobs, but now we also know that girls of indiscriminate racial heritage are mute. Awesome. I’m learning so many [...]

Last week on Charm School: Marcia loved Ricki Lake, Hos donated clothes, Beverly assaulted Porno and got booted off the show, Gia got smashed and was expelled, and 50 years of fighting against racial stereotypes was flushed down the toilet in 60 minutes. I had a dream. And it had nothing to do with charm [...]

***Please welcome your newest recapper, TheMiki, to the mix with Charm School. This was just assigned, so please give her a bit to catch up. And happy holiday!! Greetings Gasmii. It’s time for another class filled season of Charm School and I have the honor of guiding you through all the trashiness that’s to come. [...]