Author: TheNooch

It’s a Christmas filled with Glee, and confusion! Welcome to the most bumbling, all-over-the-place Christmas special ever aired on network television. This special could have had so much potential, yet the execs allowed Matthew Morrison to direct and totally shot themselves in the foot. Mr. Shu can’t multitask; he has way too much gel to [...]

Quinn is going to get Shelby fired because she’s sleeping with puck. Then Shelby will be declared an unfit mother and quinn can swoop in and be the mom she always wanted to be. No matter what happens, this is going to be a great story for a 10 year old Beth to tell her [...]

So much is going on in Glee right now!!! Holy multiple storylines! I’m very proud of myself for following all the complex twists and turns of this high school. I forgot how exhausting high school was, it’s a good thing you are young when you are in high school. I don’t know anyone over 30 [...]

Gee, what’s this episode going to be about? I wonder…. Santana’s in troooooooouuuuuuuble!! Mr. Shu, Shelby, Finn and Principal Figgins stand around Santana as she defends her case in the “Finn-face-slap Debacle”, which look oddly similar to those Salem Witch Burnings from years of yore. Lesbians have been around for ages. Santana’s main line of [...]

Glee Episode 7: I Kissed a Girl Of course Glee would reference Katy Perry’s hit single I Kissed a Girl in an episode about a teenaged lesbian coming out in a show where 99.9% of the audience is extremely horny teenagers. What better way to speak to teens than by using their own vernacular preached [...]

Glee Recap: Fightin’ Dirtay

What a sassy episode! Well, my hat’s off to the Glee writers for winning back my interest in any of the characters. I actually care about Santana now. Also, I think what Finn did in outing Santana in front of the whole school was really messed up. Some may say she deserved it because she [...]

Glee Recap

Let’s talk about sex baby! Finally, Glee addresses all the virgins in the cast by pointing out how their virginity makes them all shitty actors! It’s true, you don’t know what true disappointment is like until after you experience a novice romp in the sack. Rachel and Blaine, the remaining virgins, deal with it in [...]

Glee Recap

I forgot how empty my life feels without the presence of Glee. But now Glee is back and I can finally live again! The new episode of Glee brings a new character, Irish exchange student Rory Flanagan who only wears green. Brittany is certain he is a leprechaun and Rory doesn’t correct because she promised [...]

Mr. Shu has turned over a new leaf.

With every yelling fit he has, Mr. Shu is one step closer to completely losing his “I’m-really-a-cool-teacher-honest” persona.  At first I thought they were finally going to allow him some manhood, but it seems he may have over-corrected his “push-over-ness”.  Plus his relationship with Emma is really getting under my skin, especially since he used [...]

This season, the writers of Glee are having a contest as to who can make Brittany look the dumbest. And so far, they are off to a good start! Not only have they managed to make her look mentally challenged and make me question how she doesn’t get put into remedial classes or have a [...]

Everyone knows that Brittany is special, but this episode of Glee goes the extra mile to show just how special by having her elect Kurt as President Unicorn. Unicorns are fabulous and Kurt is uberfabulous, hence he is the president. According to Brittany, unicorns are just horses that do good deeds and are then rewarded [...]

Once the Jewish nerd stereotype finishes his round of interviews with the most-loved members of the cast, conveniently leaving out Puck and Quinn, we follow Finn as he muses to himself in the halls. Everyone knows what they want and where they are going in life except him, and me. But just as you think [...]

Glee is back!! And they have purple pianos! All I can say is thank the sweet lord for High School Musical, because without it, the American public wouldn’t have known how much they love musicals set in drama-ridden high schools and Glee never would’ve been created. No one does high school as well as television [...]

Part 2

First of all, I can’t believe VH1 made this a two-parter. Second of all, who is still curious to see what’s happening to these celebs after rehab? Wasn’t the rehab supposed to be the exciting part? Celebrity Rehab has adopted the same model as Dancing with the Stars; they draw out everything and make shows [...]

The celebretards are all celebrating their grand opening with grape juice and countless pats on the back. People actually showed up to their grand opening! It’s amazing what people will pay in order to get a first look at a freshly-made trainwreck. Mike and Lonnie claim they don’t want the celebs “checking out” now that [...]

It’s the day after the grand opening and there are no reservations on the books, again! These celebs can’t seem to be able to bring people to the restaurant with their fame and we all know none of them have friends, except for the money grubbing ones who want everything to be comped.  Mike and [...]

Looking back

It’s been 150 days since discharge so that means we have to check in on our precious celebs and make sure they haven’t been sucking back any of grampa’s ol’ cough medicine. So where are the celebs now? Has Ling Ling finally succeeded in building her eco-friendly spaceship to the moon where she will have [...]

MIssing Juicy J

RIP Juicy J DJ Paul is beside himself with grief over the loss of Juicy J, but he’s convinced that J wants him to stay more than he wants that 5th big gulp of “trippy” juice.  I think what J really wants is to surround himself with handles of vodka and boobies doobies. The team [...]

Lemons

I can’t believe these celebs are STILL trying to open up this restaurant! I totally thought they would’ve given up when they found out real work was involved and it wasn’t all about finding out which side of your face the camera loves. Today the celebs are excited because they are getting the new sign [...]

Day 17. Sounds like a horror film, no? It kinda is.

You can’t arrest him if he’s Jesus! Oh no! The po-po have arrived at the Pasadena Recovery Center! Michael Lohan caused a public disturbance and they can’t have disturbances in the sleepy town of Pasadena. They contemplate arresting him, but Dr. Drew pays them off and they go on their merry way with a spring [...]

What is this? Another hurdle?

Uh-oh Scott’s getting shifty. What kind of designer keeps buying shit that their client doesn’t have money for? Good news is, if they can’t foot the bill at the end of the day, they have their choice of two hookers who can wrangle in the rest of the cash. Ashley is celebrating because Mike and [...]

More rehabbing

Logo designs! Hint: it’s terrible

In this week’s episode, the gang has big decisions to make: do they want the Lemon Basket logo to be inside a lemon basket icon or do they just want the words Lemon Basket? Four days later they are still arguing over whether or not Ashley is a whore. Danielle can’t let go of the [...]

The family that prays together…

I ruv you Drew! Family Weekend!! What a happy joyful miraculous time threatening tearful train wreck parade! We pick up where we left off with Michael’s drama. Michael is super excited about having precious camera time so he’s not about to let this situation out of his greedy little money hungry fingers the same way [...]

The celebs have an Ashley-hatin’ forum with moderators, Lonnie and Mike, and drama fuel fine wine. Lonnie and Mike make sure that they are impartial judges stirring up drama to make for some quality reality TV. God bless the editors of this show for splicing together the scene where Danielle claims they addressed the situation [...]

It’s time to get to business! Sexy business! Drama! Ashley storms out after she gets called out on her sluttiness and the Dolce Group feels the need to celebrate the fact that the place hasn’t burned to the ground, yet. This is a major coup for the celebretards and they need positive reinforcement for this [...]

Lemons