Author: Ting Lee

This week on The Hills, a girl in Canada can stop holding her breath, Deadrina gets her hopes up again, and Lauren still fails to see the connection between Superbrody and Bustin. Oooh! It’s Halloweenk!

This week on The Hills, Bustin is so much grosser than we thought, a slimy monster terrorizes the land, and Deadrina, bolstered by the power of her own cubicle, finally stands up for herself. Nothing good ever happens when NASCAR comes to town.

This week on The Hills, The Monchichi uses the words “production” “ordeal” hassle” and “distraction” to describe his upcoming wedding, Heidi’s robot brain short circuits temporarily, and Whitney goes on a date with a lawn dart. A man?!?

This week on The Hills, Heidi and Lauren travel back in time to middle school, Deadrina begins her study at the Scientology Center, and no one learns the art of conflict resolution. What a load of sorry.

This week on The Hills, Speidi plan to break a world record, Whitney barely avoids getting trampled by large groups of children wearing inappropriate amounts of makeup, and Deadrina finds herself back in the fist-punch zone.

This week on The Hills, Speidi plan to break a world record, Whitney barely avoids getting trampled by large groups of children wearing inappropriate amounts of make up, and Deadrina finds herself back in the fist-punch zone.

This week on The Hills, it is almost impossible to take anything seriously in the wake of Gavingate, and MTV, (possibly) knowing that, gave us absolutely nothing to take seriously.

This week on The Hills, it is almost impossible to take anything seriously in the wake of Gavingate, and MTV, (possibly) knowing that, gave us absolutely nothing to take seriously.

This week on The Hills, Brody acts like a girl, the Monchichi acts like a child, and MTV continues to act like we’re all total idiots. Riiiiiiight.

This week on The Hills, the answer to the biggest TV mystery since Who shot JR? is revealed, Jen Bunney attempts the impossible feat of becoming more unlikable, and Brody Jenner is hot. Almost as fine as Dolthouse.

This week on The Hills, the answer to the biggest TV mystery since Who shot JR? is revealed, Jen Bunney attempts the impossible feat of becoming more unlikable, and Brody Jenner is hot.

This week on The Hills, what happens in Vegas is Lo turns into an annoying bitch, our girls break several of the well known Party Rules, and Elodie finally sticks it to Heidi. Lay off the…whatever the hell is doing this to your face.

This week on The Hills, our girls break several of the well known Party Rules, what happens in Vegas is Lo turns into an annoying bitch, and Elodie finally sticks it to Heidi.

This week on The Hills, Audrina still can’t believe anything she hears, Lisa Love Jedi mind-tricks Whitney, and Jason has traded Lauren for a pretty pet snake. One day I will have a tiny little Monchichi inside me playing Centipede and spray painting my uterine wall.

This week on The Hills, Audrina still can’t believe anything she hears, Lisa Love Jedi mind-tricks Whitney, and JAson has traded Lauren for a pretty pet snake. For there are-they-or-aren’t-they lunch date today, Jason is wearing a sleeveless T from the Richard Simmons collection. Lauren makes fun of it and mentions she wears all his [...]

This week on The Hills, not enough happened to fill up 22 minutes of air time, we here at the gasm were reassured that we are in no danger of The Hills girls taking over our recap jobs, and the editors fell asleep at the dubbing wheel. Business or personal?

This week on The Hills, we learn that not enough happened to fill up 22 minutes of air time, that we are in no danger of The Hills girls taking over our recap jobs, and that the editors need to work on their dubbing! We hear in the Lauren’s voiceover opening that Deadrina took off [...]

This week on The Hills, we learn that not enough happened to fill up 22 minutes of air time, that we are in no danger of The Hills girls taking over our recap jobs, and that the editors need to work on their dubbing! We hear in the Lauren’s voiceover opening that Deadrina took off [...]

This week on The Hills, we learn that not enough happened to fill up 22 minutes of air time, that we are in no danger of The Hills girls taking over our recap jobs, and that the editors need to work on their dubbing! We hear in the Lauren’s voiceover opening that Deadrina took off [...]

This week on The Hills, we learn that not enough happened to fill up 22 minutes of air time, that we are in no danger of The Hills girls taking over our recap jobs, and that the editors need to work on their dubbing! We hear in the Lauren’s voiceover opening that Deadrina took off [...]

This week on The Hills, J Wahl gets a chin makeover in rehab, Deadrina decides that just because you can’t love half a man doesn’t mean you can’t accept a ride to the beach from him, and Montag makes a huge dick move.

This week on The Hills, we find once again that things are different in Hollywood. “Evolve” is another word for “I’d like to fuck you without having to take you home from a party” and “loyalty” is another word for “you’re dead to me if you have fun with people I don’t like.” Staff meetings [...]

This week on The Hills, things are a little bit sad as our girls learn that your parents can’t save you from bad men and sometimes even parties are complicated. OMGeeeee! This party’s complicated!

This week on The Hills, things are a little bit sad. There comes a time when your parents can no longer save you, and parties get a little bit complicated. We start with Speidi visiting a jeweler. Heidi has gotten so brain dead she can’t even open a door anymore. Once they finally make it [...]

We start at the Hillside Villas this week. Deadrina invites Lauren to have drinks with her and Bustin at Bella that night. Before Lauren accepts, she wants to know how things are going beween her and her beret wearing beau. Deadrina doesn’t want to rush anything because she’s never had a boyfriend before. Lauren is [...]

Starter Wife Heidi and The Monchichi have lunch together. How could Lauren call her brainwashed? Just because she had a bad relationship doesn’t give her the right to suggest Speidi does! I mean there’s no comparison! Spencer cruises the street, tuning her out. After he orders her a salad, dressing on the side, and a [...]

We all wondered what was going to happen after Speidi drove away in the UHaul last season. Fortunately, we didn’t have to wait for MTV. Those crazy kids on The Hills have been getting themselves lots of press. Jason is an angry racist drunk with a record, Heidi got a new nose and some boobs, [...]

At the beginning of this week’s finale of Age of Love, we see Jenn and Amanda in the center of a huge coliseum, crouched and circling each other wearing Gladiator costumes. Executive Producer JD Roth steps into the arena and screams at the crowd of 11 people: “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!” We hear some halfhearted [...]

At the beginning of this week’s episode of Age of Love, we see Jayanna’s striped-stocking feet curl up and wither underneath an old farmhouse. The leftover women arrive at the suite after the camping trip. It looks like they are all eating gruel. Old Gal Jenn is missing her friend Jayanna The Ticking Clock. “If [...]

Okay, Procrastinators, this week on Age of Love, it looks like everyone loses their shit. Yippeee! Let’s waste no time. Game on!

Okay, Procrastinators, here’s the first thing I hate about this week’s episode of Age of Love: the 2 and a half minutes of recapping the previous episodes. I get it! No one’s watching this! Maybe we can wrangle ‘em in for the last 5 episodes! Or at least the one we’re showing right now! Whoa-ooh-whoa-oooh-whoa-oooh-whoa— [...]

All right, my darlings, my loves, my Procrastinators, The Age of Love was not boring this week. It was hilarious, ridiculous, humiliating, appalling, insulting, immature, and self-centered. I wanted to spit on my TV, but it was not boring. So heeeere we go! Who’s got the look?

All right, my darlings, my loves, my Procrastinators, The Age of Love was not boring this week. It was hilarious, ridiculous, humiliating, appalling, insulting, immature, and self-centered. I wanted to spit on my TV. But, it was not boring– so heeeere we go! Who’s got the look? We start with the remaining 20-year-olds moving into [...]

Okay, Procrastinators, I was super-excited to see what happens this week on The Age of Love! We begin in the older ladies suite, where they snack on wine and cheese while discussing their new competition, the 20-year-olds. They are not happy. OMG you guys totally look young! Jayanna the Ticking Clock claims she does not [...]

Hello, Procrastinators! I still can’t get over the the theme song for Age of Love. “Mmmhmmmm! Whoa-oooh-whoa-oooh-whoa-oooh…WHO’S GOT THE LOOK?” I get up off my couch and step from side to side and clap to the rhythm. (Clapclap to the rhythm). I can see in my mind’s eye Jared Rubenstein held aloft in a chair [...]

Hello, Procrastinators! I still can’t get over the the theme song for Age of Love. “Mmmhmmmm! Whoa-oooh-whoa-oooh-whoa-oooh…WHO’S GOT THE LOOK?” I get up off my couch and step from side to side and clap to the rhythm. (Clapclap to the rhythm). I can see in my mind’s eye Jared Rubenstein held aloft in a chair [...]

We begin with the typical overly-dramatic and basically untruthful format of all reality shows as we watch our hero practicing tennis in the dark. The voice over begins: “Mark Philippoussis is a 30 year old international tennis star. He has everything…EXCEPT…someone to share his life with.” Well, he doesn’t have a Wimbledon title. Or a [...]

Editor’s Note: Please welcome our newest staff writer for Age of Love, the incomparable Ting Lee!! My name is Ting Lee and I have seen the ads for Age of Love. I must tell you two things: 1) I remember riding in the car with my mom to the mall when I was twelve years [...]