Author: Twunty McSlore

Street justice.

A double cap!

The closet is shrinking, Mr. Juice.

All this lying makes me want to lie down.

Bashing people is trashy. Look it up in the dictionary.

Jill’s still a c word. A C WORD.

Try again, honey. You meant to say beastiality, right?

Bye bye, My love, bye bye.

A friend is born and a nation is bored.

A day of reckoning for our favorite harpy.

Stop the insanity! But really, can anyone? Is it even possible to?

Danielle and the Fussbudget Fishwives

..too bad yer muthuh’s gah-bidge.

The Jill hate just grows and grows.

Welcome back to New Joisey, Gasmii! I love it there. I’ve had some majorly over the top moments at my buddy Tobie’s house in Long Branch and even had some run-ins with a few coked out Syrian Jewish guys on a yacht in Deal. As a matter of fact, even my avatar can attest to [...]

The end of a sobering season.

This week starts out with a mystery. Not the one where we all wonder why on earth Jill would get drunk on her own power and smash an entire country’s faith in her.

Ah, love affairs. The wonderful, joyous and delectable item known as love.Some affairs last a lifetime while others are only meant to last a few months. Some flings serve to brighten up a holiday in Tuscany or make you smile when you remember that one lusty August in Nantucket. My latest one lasted only a [...]

We have a new girl, we have a new girl in da house! I am so excited, I’m positively giddy! I have so many questions for Ms. Morgan. Is she really a huge whore just like Teresa said she is? Was it fun banging Max? How big is little Max? Is it cut or is [...]

Me too, Mikey. Me too. I continue to be more and more confused and disappointed by the direction this show is going. Is it a program chronically a group of addict’s struggles to remain sober, or is it one Jerry Springer style confrontation after another? Are we watching Sober House or the slob non-alcoholic version [...]

Pride is one of the seven deadly sins, and with good reason. Having too much of it can ruin relationships and cause you to make really bad choices, like being friends with morally and literally bankrupt people. LuLu, anyone? Can you imagine waking up to the realisation that THAT piece of work is your best [...]

It’s gotta be something, right? Last week it was mic packs and the week before it was the cameraman. What will they take their anger and frustration out on next, the houseplants? Actually, it’s another mic pack and another human being. Sheesh. I hope everyone’s insured.

The war continues! This one was rough. Instead of writing VILE over and over again, I wanted to absorb the Jill/B fight without getting so angry. I tried my damnedest to be objective and weigh both sides. THAT lasted about fifteen seconds, Ha! I’ve got a few things to say about that mess and an [...]

I would like to start off this week with some questions. Who here was surprised to see Dennis push Gim’s buttons? To see another installment of Heidi vs. Tom? Were you even the least bit caught off guard to see Mikey do his polite ‘I’ve been a bad boy, please forgive me’ routine again? All [...]

“Hey, wait a minute. I’m the sane one now?” Is it okay to lie, in the service of saving face? Is it terrible to tell the truth because it’s uncomfortable for someone? Who gets to decide? We have to for ourselves, of course. It’s called having a moral compass. I think that I have a [...]

It’s the new deadliest job in America, or L.A., at least. If this keeps up they should think about allowing the cameramen to fight back. Do you know how hard it would be not to? You have to listen to a bunch of self centered twats bitch and moan all day, half of them smell [...]

We’re headed back to New York with the bitches this week. The summer season in The Hamptons is over and it’s time for everyone to decamp to their respective cubbyholes in the New York skyline, teach a class at The Learning Annex and cause scenes at fashionable events.

Labor Day seems like a long way off at the moment but let’s relive last year’s with the NYC bitches, eh? Grab your old checkered tablecloth with the stains from queer Tony’s pitcher of purple hooters and throw down mom’s best chinette plates. Load them up with equally heaping helpings of BBQ pork and booze [...]

Sober House. Where people go when they like to do drugs, drink their damn brains into shapeless ice cream cakes and sex it up with anyone who asks, to learn how to talk like Mack, be the bore at parties and say no to their fifth blow job of the night. Never again will they [...]

Here we go. Another season of Caaaaaaa-razy! For your enjoyment, I give you the Ramona catwalk strut. It is pure gold, just like all the crap she sells on Home Shopping: The O.C. fillies are barely back in their stalls when out of the Bridgehampton Polo Club come galloping those old New Yawk nags again. [...]

Don’t blame me. Those are the facts, or as near to the facts as you can get with addicts. Within one year of rehab, 80% will relapse. I hope our group does better. It’s been a long nine weeks for us Gasmii, but only 3 for the patients, and the day of reckoning is upon [...]

It’s over, Gasmii. The End. The original of the franchise is played out and past it’s prime. I’m a little teary (on the inside, just like Tamra) and ask myself if this show would still be as hard to watch if the bottom hadn’t fallen out of the economy. I think that I said it [...]

It’s sometimes so hard to say that you’re sorry, especially if you think that you’re right all the time. I used to be horrible at it, just really immature with the apologies. Eventually I learned to either do it immediately, making it less painful like the proverbial quick pulling off of the Band-Aid, or do [...]

I hope everybody remembered their hankies again this week because it was another big tear jerker. Does Dr. Drew own stock in Kleenex? Puffs? He should. Between this endless cold and my weekly bawling sessions, my supply is rapidly dwindling, and I buy them in great big giant three packs. Let’s see, last week we [...]

I thought long and hard over how to approach this week’s episode. The taste that it left in my mouth was so overwhelmingly bad that I almost didn’t want to have anything to do with these women ever again. But then I remembered how much fun it is to call them out on their famewhoring [...]

Hi Gasmii! How is everyone? Staying well, I hope. I’m writing this between gargling gallon mugs of Red Zinger and Throat Coat. I could really use a pick-me-up after the crappy few days that I’ve had, you know what I mean? Still, I’m in nowhere near as much pain as this woman. Don’t worry, I’m [...]

Hi, Gasmii! Did you all have a nice Valentine’s Day? Mine was great- two hockey games in two days. Unfortunately, I think I picked up a bug in Detroit, so now I’m loaded on garlic and vitamin C instead of Syrah. I got Mr. McSlore a neon Guiness sign for the basement bar and I [...]

This week was all about dealing with a pesky little thing called emotions. It sucks, right? You have to do it though, even if it’s on a to-don’t list, right along with kissing Dennis on his cigar stained lip ring or being within 20 yards of Carrion.

I never thought I’d see the day where one of my beloved shows would outlive it’s welcome- right before my eyes. I love this show. I love this franchise. I was going through a rough time in my life when I discovered it, and Bravo showed me the light at the end of the tunnel [...]