Author: Twunty McSlore

Sloppy bitches. Clutter bunnies, the pursuit of the pefect Duck Lip and 6 CARATS. Fuck you, kiss my ass and I don’t give a shit. As you can tell by my introduction to this episode, it was wall to wall class. Orange County’s finest are very well known for their subtle, natural beauty but who [...]

This week there was quite a bit less drama than we’ve been seeing in the past three episodes. It was a relief not only for me and you, but for them too, I’m going to guess. It’s no fun to walk around feeling like an open wound all day long, so it’s nice to see [...]

Hi, Gasmii! It’s my turn to take a stab at Idol and it couldn’t have happened on a better day! The camera pans The Rose Bowl in beautiful Pasedena and it is actually sunny in Cleveland too! And I had so much fun watching this episode! Holy crap! I should probably write this down on [...]

I used to smoke pot quite a bit in my early 20s. It was fun, innocent fun. I had two of the best roommates in New York City and our dealer delivered it right to the door of our 4th floor walk-up. Since he also ran the counter at the deli across the street, he’d [...]

We pick up this week right where we left off, with Mindy’s horrific seizure. We also get to see Tom Sizemore in all his junkie splendor and have a tender moment with Rodman whenhe finds out about Mindy. Who knew? Awwwww. Does this mean that I can’t hate on you anymore? They must have bonded [...]

Have you ever had a friend that you thought you knew? You may have had this person pigeon-holed as the funny Bridget Jones-y one or the ditsy one or the one who always seems so together. Then one day, something happens. They call you up and tell you that they are getting divorced when you [...]

“Which one of you junkies stole my ass?” Seriously, where is it? And that’s not the only horror we witness this week. There’s plenty to go around for everybody, not to mention all that healthy trauma. I’ve had my share of trauma in my life. Without going into specific events, I’ll just say that I [...]

Simon and Tamra are getting divorced. The greatest love of our time, the marriage of the new milennium, has come to an end. I look heavenward, the slow sad notes of ‘Taps’ playing in my head and exhale a large sigh. “Oh, Dear Lord in the cloudy skies above,” I ask, “If Tamra and Simon [...]

And the Bob is back! All hail the Bob! Season 3 of Celebrity Rehab is off and running with all the drugs, drama and fucked up daddy (& mommy) issues you could possibly want. There were some pretty powerful moments already and to paraphrase Dave Chappelle, I’d cry but the weed done dried my eyes [...]

This week I did not feel like punching anyone. That is the good news. The bad news is that Crackie didn’t deliver! I was hoping that she would have a meltdown of volcanic proportions. Instead, she felt outnumbered and scared by all the town menfolk. I’m starting to wonder about our Crackie- were those tears [...]

After watching this episode I had a very strong urge to punch someone. I sat back and calmed myself down since that is not the right attitude to have when you still have round two of holiday shopping to finish. Instead, I went to a bunch more parties and am writing this hungover AGAIN. You’re [...]

Well, Gasmii, there are only two good things about this week’s episode. It didn’t air on Thanksgiving, thereby allowing us all to digest our food in relative peace and quiet, and Tammy from the ghosts of Housewives past stops by for a game of Bunko at Tamra’s house. Wait, I just remembered! There are three! [...]

This week on Twats with Fake Tits, we learn more about the new Ho and say goodbye to an old one. Crackie is her usual sweet natured self and the other two let their jealousy and body image issues hang out for all the world to see. Oh, almost forgot about Gretchen. She goes to [...]

This week was pretty damn pathetic. Don’t get me wrong, I was entertained and I got a couple of good belly laughs out of it, but the loser factor of these women’s lives has rocketed into the stratosphere. Once again I am simply amazed that they are so unselfaware that they allow their vile behavior [...]

He-aaaay, Hoes! No, I’m not talking to you, Gasmii. What you do on your own time is your own damn business. I’m talking about the klassy ladies of Orange County- Crackie, Wretched Gretchen, Slurry McFuzzybrains, Mama Jeana and hot (only if you ignore the age spots and the gawd awful personality) housewife Tamra Barney. We’ll [...]

She does get all woebegone. Rome wasn’t built in a day, folks. Here is the recap: Knuckle sucking, hula dancing, prosciutto regurgitating and dolphin spit. Ta Dah! Done. I wish. Throw in some smoking, drinking and lesbian back talk and you have the makings of a real party, only it wasn’t. That is correct, somehow [...]

And he acts like he likes it! Also, where was the mother of all beat downs on Sullen? They lied! Eh, maybe it’s next week, I don’t know. What I do know is that they barely showed Conch Guy so I went back and trolled for some screen grabs from the first episode. Here he [...]

What a bunch of whack jobs. We lose two girls this week but I want to start out on a high note- here’s that picture of the conch blowing hunk that I was promising you: It’s probably no accident that they hardly ever show the guy, he is waaay hotter than Antonio. I wonder if [...]

****This show wasn’t assigned, but then we watched it and had to have our say. Please welcome back Twunty McSlore with My Antonio!! Since Megan got canceled I am moving on to bigger and better things- a whole lot of chicks with a whole lot of issues, and all of them are dying to get [...]

Or, was taken, to be completely accurate, until his wife turned up dead. R.I.P. Mrs. Bacon. I am sooo sorry that you had to spend your last precious days with such a colossal pudwanker.

This week, we get some stellar half naked Punisher moments. It almost makes having to look at Pervy’s questionable clothing choices bearable. That Dirty Sanchez birthmark isn’t looking so bad anymore, now is it?

So, Megan got her own show proving that VH1 hates us. They hate you, they hate me, they hate our sanity. Case in point:     Life sucks. This chick with a face only a frying pan could love gets to receive gifts galore, take exotic vacations on someone else’s dime and pour Chardonnay down her throat [...]

And who really cares what love’s got to do with it as long as we keep having glorious Daisy moments like these:

Supposedly, we are losing two guys this week, SUPPOSEDLY. Getting rid of three would be fine with me but then what would I do with myself next week? Not have to look at London’s tongue ever again, that’s what. Nasty.

You are supposed to drop a quarter or a buck (if you’re feeling really generous) into their cup and walk away, not invite them to stay with you! “Dude, can I borrow a cup of sugar AND A LIFE?!”

This week on Daisy of Love.. Don’t be sick, Gasmii. By now most of you should know not to eat before reading my recaps. Also, at this point in the game the Yack Castle is getting pretty claustrophobic. Which means that it’s a perfect time to shove them all in the kitchen together to whip [...]

What a sad week. Not only are we subjected to more brain damage courtesy of Fox, but it looks as though 12 Pack isn’t packing so much. Maybe all that leopard is some kind of spooky penis camouflage? Here’s hoping.

Please let Flex fight Mr. Peepers, and why is TT wearing a skirt? Let’s see. It’s been two weeks since we last met and we are down to seven guys. A pierced up ex- stripper, a personal trainer smart ass, a famewhore, a good old boy, an annoying tattooed midget, his pining lover and the [...]

But you better believe some drunks were. After the entertaining masterpiece that was last week’s episode, this week was a bit of a let-down. The producers thankfully agreed with me and to keep it from being all about Cage’s Stage 4 drunken behavior and Fox’s unimaginable depths of duncehood, so we got a little skunk [...]

Who let Chrissy Snow in here? This week was a hoot for me to watch and if I were a psychiatry student I could probably write an entire dissertation on the pathology of rock n roll love and the idiots that fall for bad boys. Honestly, I fell for one myself. Okay, maybe it was [...]

Poor Daisy. Won’t someone love her? Why, oh why must they make the poor girl cry? Is there no God? Is he just testing our heroine to see if she is worthy of our adoration? Because adore her we do. Not quite as much as the guy in the opening sequence with the bottle of [...]

Another episode, another huge bill owed to the liquor store that is supplying the booze for these bozos. How I wish I owned the place that was lucky enough to sponsor the drinking on this show, I’d be on my fifth massage at the Four Seasons by now. Somewhere there’s a PCP dealer planning his [...]

It’s been a whole month, kids, and I’ve missed each and every one of you! We’ve been through a homoerotic jizz fest and drag queens together and now it’s time for a show that is centered around a real girl! Well, if you don’t count her lips, nose or boobs. Brett Michaels passed on this???

This is it, kids. Our engines are revving, we’re coming down the stretch and I can see Ru with the checkered flag in her hands. We’ve got our final three and as much as I wish things were a little different, one of them is Caca. The good news is that the judges make perfect [...]

Cootchie cootchie kook Here we go again. First of all, I was raised to beleive that talent should be rewarded and failure was something you learned from, not the other way around. That is why this episode made me question the judging even more than last week. Not that the gal I’m referring to here [...]

And now, for another week of our favorite race!

And here’s the proof. Where to begin? This episode started out normal enough, or as normal as a show about drag queens can be. More bitchiness, more ego fueled blather from our showgirl, Shannel and plenty of fabulous hair and makeup. Then it took a turn into “oh no!” unexpectedness. We had a reference to [...]

Oh my goodness and holy ornamentation with a big dollop of outrageous shenanigans and drag mishaps 101. I think I screamed and whooped several times while watching this and my boyfriend looked at me like I was riding the Anne Heche/Margot Kidder looney train, which maybe I am. Every once in a while when I [...]