Here is the new poster for our favorite schizo show! The CW is launching a new campaign for the show in November so expect to see this image on your favorite bus and billboard. Interesting because (SPOILER ALERT? Not really, but…) a) Henry is all up in there. He isn’t going anywhere. b) the double image of Bridget AND Siobhan is gone. They are only going with one SMG. So do we lose a twin? Do they become fused into one in some mad experiment? I wouldn’t rule anything out.
Yay! Very happy to report our upwardly mobile soap opera continues its ascent this week!
OK – so…when we left the RingerLand, things had taken a turn for the bloody. And Henry had seemingly taken a turn for the whacko. Slutty had been redeemed on the dance floor and Bridg Let’s see how it all works out…
Henry is washing all the blood off the walls – and doing it very discreetly cause there are children in the house…Where are those children???
Shh – the twins are sleeping. We think?
So when we last left our friends – they was all messed up.
Bridg has tucked Slutty Juliet (might just call her Juliet this episode since her redemption – she’s kinda likable now) into bed. She’s passed out. She removes all the valuables and sharp objects in the room an sneaks out. Hubs comes home. Bridg comes to meet him wearing some sort of pagan ritual gown. OK, we have GOT to figure this whole pregnancy thing out – the casual wardrobe is not good.
Are you performing in a choir on the side too?
Hubs tells her about Blosssom calling him and begging him to come over, but not being there when he arrived. He says everything seemed off. Yeah, maybe it was the look of mayhem in Henry’s eyes! Bridg says she’ll call Blossom in the morning.
Back at Murder Inc., Henry is washing all of the walls in his place – not suspicious at all. I’m sure Slutty could tell you the best method for that. He has buckets, rags, bleach rubber gloves, and a serious demonic look in his eyes. He cleans up what appears to be broken pottery and a whole lot of blood. Well, at least he didn’t leave it for the maid.
The next day Bridg once again leaves a message on Blossom’s VM. How many times have we heard Blossom’s VM meassage? “Don’t be boring” has become a little boring!
Bridg asks why she called Hubs over and thought that they had reached an understanding. Well, she definitely reached an understanding with someone, Bridg.
Slutty Stepdaughter – sorry, Juliet – walks into the room and, uh-oh…you guys, she’s looking slutty! Jeez Juliet, I try to cut you a break and look what you do! Now I know how Hubs feels. Its Juliet’s first day at “public school”, which I love is a qualified thing whenever its mentioned. You know there’s going to be police tape up and a burning car out front when she arrives at the “public school”.
Anyway remember the plan was to send her to this “public school” to keep her out of trouble (??) and she dresses, well, kinda slutty on her first day. Hubs isn’t happy and appeals to Bridg to talk some sense into the girl! Bridg, quite democratically, explains perhaps Park Ave. Ho isn’t the best look for the first day. Oh did I mention she’s wearing shorts that are veering into bikini line territory? Yeah, so Bridg works her Cool Mom magic and Slutty – sorry – Juliet agrees to change. Hubs is outta there leaving Bridg and Juliet alone.
Juliet hands her a little bag containing her whole stash of drugs. Upon seeing them Bridg gets the wild eyed drug fiend look popular in 60’s propaganda films and 80’s zombie films. Uh-oh…
Hey Mom, can you hang on to this for me?
Here comes Psycho Henry sneaking into an alleyway with what appears to be the crime scene evidence. He stashes it in a dumpster.
Bridg has the drugs in her hand, ready to flush them down the toilet, but somehow she just can’t do it. She just can’t let go. She catches a look at herself in the mirror. Yay, our first mirror image shot! Gosh, these girls and their mirrors. So she sees herself, literally holding. Yep, there’s the look, Bridg!
Snap out of it!
Henry continues his murder cover-up plan, arriving at JFK long term parking to drop off what I assume to be Blossom’s car. Does he know those places have cameras? Didn’t he see when that crazy astronaut diaper lady was stalking that lady and they caught her in the airport parking lot? On camera? If Henry watched more TV, he would be a much better killer.
Back in Bridg’s provincial, Shabby Chic-esque, Pottery Barn-esque bedroom (I expected something a bit more upscale, didn’t you?) she calls Charlie Flushing, the wannabe new sponsor who I’m convinced is evil. She gets his VM (she remembers not to be boring without having to be told this time) and tells him about the drug predicament she has found herself in. She can’t get rid of them. She’s had a rough couple weeks. HA! I don’t know if that excuse will cut it, Bridg. Call her back – kbye.
Its OK, I guess
The doorman calls, telling her Maddy from Blossom’s office is here to see her. She comes up to drop off the keys to the loft saying how sorry she is they had to pull out of the project. Oh, by the way, has she spoken to Blossom today? She never showed up for work. Check the dumpster, Maddy!
Uh Hellzapoppin y’all – here we are! At PUBLIC SCHOOL!!! Shit’s about to get real! Or something…
Oh my God, you guys, that is SO Public School!
Juliet (I did it!) enters the classroom and is greeted warmly by her classmates. HA! J/K! This is Public School, you guys – it is hardcore.
Can we make her a regular? She throws some amazing shade
She goes to meet the teacher, who shall be named Teach, and it is our old friend Logan from Veronica Mars! Good show, you guys, if you never watched it. So Teach tells Big J to relax, no big whoop, its not like this is PUBLIC school. Oh wait, it is. Sorry!
Yo Teach Logan!
Teach announces they are reading Taming of the Shrew. HA! I love sly humor like that, writers! More please.
Apparently Juliet has some competition in the shrew department from the girl sitting behind her. She kicks Juliet’s chair and asks for $5. Juliet plays demur, ignoring her. Public Shrew kicks her chair again and demands the money. Juliet pulls out a $20 and hands it to her saying “now you and your family can eat for a whole month.” Ding ding ding! We have a winna! Park Ave. Shrew!
Bridg shows up at Henry’s. She rings the doorbell, then calls Blossom’s VM. Sigh. I would be boring on purpose if someone continuously told me not to be boring. Henry opens the door and tells her to get inside. He still looks like he’s been huffing paint for 3 days straight. Dude needs a valium. He demands to know “where is she?” Bridg doesn’t know, that’s why she’s here. He saw the blood, etc – what did she do to his wife? Oh God, he needs a good slap.
Uh, Henry – I think you missed a spot. For real, what the hell is that?
He goes into some convoluted story about how she killed Blossom to protect her family, he came home, and cleaned up the scene to protect her. Bridg is like, bro, you’re the one who looks like the guilty nutjob right now. Oh yeah, he says, what about the time when we were getting it on and you suggested we get rid of both Hubs AND Blossom?
Wow, real Siobhan is one diabolical bitch, huh? Could Siobhan have high tailed it back to NYC and killed Blossom? Eh, doubt it.
So Henry grabs her one last time, screaming, and she’s out of there saying “I don’t know you and I never did!” Ooo, burn. BTW – it looks like Bridg got her color done. Good job, Bridg.
Back to Wyoming! And Det. Machado! And the dude that got his ass kicked by Bridg in the first episode! Ha-ha. I bet he feels a little sheepish. They are in the parking garage where poor poor sponsor, potential love interest, former/now current drug addict, strip club basement dweller Malcolm was kidnapped by the ever charming Mob Boss Stripper Murderer. Well, at least they know you’re missing Malcolm!
Machado finds a bunch of cigarette butts and proclaims this is where the thugs waited for Malcolm and pounced when they saw him. Some read tea leaves, Machado reads cigarette butts.
Machado then says “what if they realize he is more than just Bridget’s sponsor?” Huh? Did I miss something or did he just drop another big piece of info? More than her sponsor? Boyfriend? Another agent? I’m confused.
What I think of now, when I hear “Wyoming”
Yay, back to the strip club with Malcolm and the gang! They are just a swell group of fellas. God, this is getting a to be little bit much with the heroin and the blood and the ugly ass mobster’s face. Ugh. So they start to leave Malcolm without giving him any drugs and he finally cracks. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” Did Malcolm just develop a Jamaican accent?
Forget all that amateur hour crap, though, because we are back at Public School! Public Shrew is pissed and finds Juliet at her locker. Juliet sasses her about burning through the $20 and how she must ride the short bus to school. Public Shrew tells her she’s made a serious mistake. Shrew has friends and Juliet doesn’t. I wish she would say “Don’t you know who I am?”
Public Shrew is a real charmer, huh? She’s like if Jerri Blank was a bitch.
Juliet demands an apology and promptly gets thrown into a locker. Juliet turns to see the whole school watching to see what she’s going to do. Its do or die time and Juliet womans up and goes in for the kill.
YouTube, here we come!
Yes, I knew I liked Juliet. She realized if she didn’t fight, she would be screwed.
The whole school (well, you know) surrounds them, starts chanting “fight, fight, fight” and hilariously start taking pictures and videoing the tussle. My how times have changed.
There’s my girl again! She’s a star, I tell ya!
Teach comes in and breaks it up. He says “take em away”. Who is he talking to? His goons? The Public School police dept.? Oh, maybe they do have police enforcement. It is Public School after all.
Bridg gets off the elevator and dials the phone. OH my God, please no – yep “Don’t be boring.” Blossom, if I didn’t want you gone before, I do now. She doesn’t leave a message this time, but all of a sudden the drug madness comes over her. She goes to the dresser drawer where she stashed the stash and pulls out a baggie. Wa-oh.
All of a sudden, a hand covers her mouth and she is being attacked. Is nowhere safe on this show? She just wanted to get high right quick. She’s had a rough couple weeks!
And who should it be but Henry. Henry – you need to cut this shit out. Get a grip. He got in using the key that Siobhan had given him in their days of debauchery. He just wants to talk! What’s the big deal?
Bridg, your doorman sucks
He believes that she didn’t kill Blossom but he needs her to believe that he didn’t do it either. She tells him to call the police but he says no because a) he cleaned up the entire crime scene and disposed of evidence and b) he called his lawyer yesterday to start divorce proceedings. Aw, sorry Henry, but you’re going down.
He asks her for help, they need to protect each other. She leads him to the ‘vator and tells him she needs some time to think.
Phone rings. Its Charlie Flushing, the sketchy AA dude that wants to know every intimate detail of your life! Yay!
She meets Flushing at a cafe and he asks her if she brought the stash. She hands it over and he promptly tosses it in the trash. She wonders why she couldn’t have done that. Because you’re a drug fiend zombie Bridg! Sometimes. She catches a glimpse in a mirror (drink!) and gets freaked out. She remembers she has to be somewhere and takes off. Yes, do not trust the Flushing!
Mirror alert! Get the hell out of there!
Now that Bridg has gotten rid of the drugs, she is all business. She calls Henry and tells him she’s decided to help him. She asks where he dumped the evidence. He tells her where the dumpster is and she tells him she just wants to be sure he has covered his tracks. If they find the evidence the police will make the connection to her. She “can’t let that happen.”
Back in Wyoming – strip club. Machado walks in. Henry is still downstairs hating life.
You guys is that New York?? From I Love New York? I swear it is!
Machado finds Mob boss and asks him if the the name Malcolm Ward mean anything to him. Does he remember Bridget Kelly? He choked one his dancers in front of Bridg and when she was suppposed to testify, she disappeared. (Back story, gotta love it). Mob boss plays dumb.
They ask if they can look around but they don’t have a warrant. Sorry!
Back in Public School, Juliet is being interrogated by the principal who pulls out Juliet’s permanent record, full of fights and drug possession.
I hope you know that this will go down on your permanent record
The principal gets buzzed by the front and Hubs is here. The principal asks to speak to Hubs alone and Juliet freaks demanding that she be able to explain what happened. Hubs tells Juliet to wait outside too and Juliet gets the sads because Hubs doesn’t believe her. Sorry, Juliet, but fool me once…
Bridg is dumpster diving on E. 23rd looking for the bag of evidence. She’s properly decked out in all black and gloves. Very good Bridg, your felon days are finally paying off for you! She finds the bag and pulls out a piece of the pottery.
It might be a little low cut for dumpster diving
She goes to a pay phone and calls the cops. She, anonymously natch, reports Blossom missing and believes she could be the victim of foul play. She can tell them where to find the evidence. Sorry Henry, you should have played it a little cooler.
Henry is walking into his place when he is approached by Detectives Saldana and Towers. They ask if they can speak to his wife. Henry claims she’s been out all day and they ask if they can come in for a minute.
Henry tells them he was asleep when she got home and she was gone when he woke up. How conveeeenient. Well, she didn’t show up for work today. Oh yeah, well she’s an architect and works off site. He’s got an answer for everything, but looks super shifty and pretty crazy. They tell him about the anonymous tip and the bag of rags found in a dumpster. They invite him back to the precinct to “look at some photographs.” Oh, the amount of times I’ve fallen for that line!
Bridg is watching from across the street as Henry is escorted into the police car. Flushing calls her at that moment asking if she’s ok. Well, she’s doing better now that she busted Henry! She tells him she is going to take him up on the offer to be her sponsor. He says he needs her to be committed, not just when she’s got the zombie face. She tells him she needs to think about it a little more. Yes Bridg, think about it A LOT more.
Beautiful Wyoming where we see some burgers frying. If I was Wyoming, I would sue this show. At a diner, Machado is grabbing some grub. Partner comes in and tells him to grab his food to go because they found the DNA of Mob Boss’ buddy on the cigs. The cigs never lie!
Time for a good ol’ fashioned strip club raid! Yeehaw! BTW – did you know Wyoming strip clubs have a very strict set of rules?
No muscle shirts? But that’s my signature look!
Machado and Partner bust in there, suggest the patrons disperse, and tell Mob Boss “here’s your warrant, bitch!” He heads to the door leading to the basement. Machado kicks the door in. FREE MALCOLM! FREE MALCOLM!
Alas, it is not to be – all that is left of Malcolm in that bizarre caged storage room is his drug spoon. BOO!
Back at the precinct, I mean back at Public School – I swear, they look the same! – Juliet waits outside the principal’s office crying while Hubs chats it up with the Warden – er, Principal! Teach comes over and asks if she’s ok. She’s tells him she’s great, she might even try out for the cheerleading squad. HA! Teach knows what its like to be the new kid, he was an Army brat. She tells him that no one believes her, she thought she could start over, but she was just kidding herself. Aw, you guys, Juliet has become an actual developed character in the course of 45 minutes! Proud of you, girl.
The Principal and Hubs come out of the office and Teach tells them they’ve made a mistake. He saw Public Shrew start the fight, not Juliet. Hubs demands an apology. Yeah, where’s your apology, Hubs?
In the hallway Juliet sees Teach and tells him she knows he lied to cover for her. He’s mixed it up with Public Shrew before and he knows she’s a bad egg. But he thinks Juliet deserves a fresh start.
Henry is at the station being questioned and being highly defensive. Don’t you have to be missing for 24 hours? You trust an anonymous caller? All they know is her car was found and no one has seen or heard from her. Does he want them to find her or not? They leave the room for a minute as Henry looks at the photos of the evidence. Blood and red pottery. Can’t they send the blood to a lab? For verification? Like now?
They come back in and tell Henry he can go. I guess they were just given some other information. Hmm, interesting…
Back in Wyoming, Partner tells Machado that they did not find Malcolm, but at least they ruined a slimeball’s name. Really? I don’t think a slimball really cares what people think about his/her name. Machado and Mr. Slimeball have a stare off. Yeah, he’s pretty slimy.
I can’t see this guy going out for a lot of different roles
Machado’s phone rings. Its Det. Saldana. She found finger prints on some evidence in relation to a missing person’s case. Does the name Bridget Kelly ring a bell? How many people have used that line tonight?
Bridg comes home and Hubs is sitting in the dark looking pensive. He tells her to sit down. Something has happened to Gemma. Hubs just got off the phone with Henry – she’s missing blah, blah. Hubs is sweet and comforting. If he turns bad, I’m gonna be pissed. He goes off for a conference call and Bridg’s phone rings.
It her good pal, Machado. He is sending her his sympathies regarding Gemma Butler. Does she have any idea why Bridget’s finger ptints would have been found on evidence? She does not. He will be back in town tomorrow. They will no doubt be meeting again.
We get a flashback of Bridget at the dumpster. She finds the evidence. She takes off her glove and touches a piece of the pottery. Whaaaa? Holy crimeny – she is purposely putting her (Bridget’s) prints on the evidence. Wow. She puts the stuff back in the dumpster.
Our simple twin is getting crafty!
Bridget is now chilling in front of the portrait (which cleaned up really well) pontificating this chain of events. Did that picture get even bigger???
Its like the Blob
Paris – Siobhan answers the phone wearing a bizarre nightgown, ruffled robe thing. I love it.
Its like what an elderly French maid would wear
The voice tells her “the Gemma problem has been taken care of.” OK, I may be crazy but was that Chris from Flushing’s voice? I swear it was. Siobhan says she “didn’t want it to have to come to this”. Oh girl, you are baaaaaad.
I always feel like, somebody’s watching me…
Well, this show sure does know how to wrap up the last ten minutes, right? OK, people, what do we think? Is Chris from Flushing the killer? Are Juliet and Teach going to get it on? Where in name of GOD are Henry and Blossom’s children??? Is Hubs the good guy we want him to be?
Thanks for reading!
PS – Ringer is off next week so I’ll be back in two weeks…