16 and Pregnant Recap: Crowded House

Recaps

By CathodeTube | Wednesday, May 23, 2012 | 11:00 am | 5 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: 16 and Pregnant, Recaps

Baby shower! Take this yarn and try to guess her belly girth. Siiigh. Why does the misconception persist that that’s fun? Pleeease don’t play the melted-candy-in-diapers game. Baby clothes and boobie pads and awwwing abound. Devon doesn’t want to feel a thing during the birth.

My possessions are causing me suspicion but there’s no proof

37 weeks! Devon threw up at school and thinks maybe she’d be better off getting her GED. She goes to help yet another Megan get ready for homecoming. Drinkers, knock one back every time a Megan asks the mom if she thinks she’s missing out on something. In spite of myself, I think the Megan’s getup is kind of cute. I’m a sucker for patent leather accents.

38 weeks. Cook, Pa Ingalls, cook! Colin goes to the Army recruiter and might re-enlist, but the whole war thing gives him pause. Devon rightly (again) points out that having a house is pointless if he’s not in it. She says this in voiceover, when she should be saying it to him.

40 weeks. Contraction time! Party in Devon’s hospital room! How many Megans does it take to birth a baby? She waits 9 hours for the epidural. Hmph. 12 hours. Pushing.

Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup 

Well hello there, Highway to Heaven! What a cute furrowed brow you have! Is it because you also hate the treacly song with which they introduce you? Colin appears to be a hands-on dad, and he shuts up about the house for a bit. Landon has a monkey-butt sleeper. I think it’s Carter’s. Landon wakes up a lot; Colin would prefer not to. Landon has tons of cute stuff. The new family feels cramped in the house, especially since no one does their own dishes.


There’s a battle ahead, many battles are lost 

This time it’s Devon who suggests a new house, and Colin beams. But his paycheck will be gone! Again: A. Part. Ment. And be sure to spend that down payment on some dining out! In a restaurant, Devon compares notes with her sister, who eats the very-hard-to-make-at-home club sandwich with the crusts cut off.

Realtor and mortgage broker meeting. They’ve got $125K to spend. Colin is pleased. In the next scene, he’s talking about buying “more than an acre.” Hahahahaha, not even in this economy, bud. Their realtor takes them to a house they can’t afford, and they don’t fire him. Possibly he’s still trying to locate one they can afford.

Now I’m towing my car, there’s a hole in the roof 

Roller rink. Holy damn, I’m bored. Devon is happy to be able to bend forward and stuff again. She tells her Megans about the houses, which we already knew about.

Oof! Colin gets laid off. Welcome to adulthood, brah. I don’t mean to be callous. I can relate, but seriously dude, you have a roof over your head, child care is probably free, and I think you have some army money coming in. It’s still crushing, I know, but at least you didn’t already sign a contract and buy the house. That? Would blow exquisitely.

They come, they come to build a wall between us

Colin’s been job hunting for two weeks. Two weeks!?! And nothing yet!?!? I’m sorry, what planet and year do these people live on/in? Do they not watch the news? Do they not know there are grown folks out of work for years, and probably hundreds of thousands more who are making way below what they’re worth? Do the producers coach these moms to do these petulant voiceovers? Can somebody coach them to have more gratitude? After Sarah last week, with the useless dick of a BD, a mom we never see go to work at all, and a similar space issue, I just can’t scare up much sympathy. The realtor can’t take them house hunting anymore. AAAAPAAAARTMENNNNNT.

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CathodeTube

CathodeTube has wanted to be a recapper ever since she read the MightyBigTV interview with Sars and James Van Der Beek. She lives in Chicago with her husband and baby son, and adores hip-hop, cop shows, competitive reality TV, and all foods involving melted cheese. She used to copyedit made-up blogs for the "reputation management" of people who got themselves on The Dirty or Mugshots.com. Turns out google-bombing doesn't work anymore, so now she writes product copy, is much happier, and still wears stretchy pants at all times.

5 Comments

  1. 1
    Lo
    Posted May 23, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    Haha, it took me a while to get the picture subtitles (even though the recap is titled Crowded House). I absolutely love that song. Kudos!

  2. 2
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted May 24, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    @CathodeTube I finally figured out how to keep this show from making me too depressed.

    Starting with this episode, I don’t watch it! I just read your funny recap and ROFL!

    And now, thanks to @NikkiHughes and @MissyV110 (RHOC minicap) for the brilliant idea of reading all recaps as if Honey Badger Randall was narrating it to me, I’m sitting here with Kleenex on my eyes.

    I know you have to watch this train wreck of tristeza. But try the NikkiMissy technique. Not just on your recap which is already funny. Give it a real test. Like the saddest poem or whatever you can think of.

    See?

    Even though you still have to watch this show at least you’ll be able to cheer yourself back up!

  3. 3
    CathodeTube CathodeTube
    Posted May 24, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Hahaha, that idea kicks ass! Honey Badger Randall makes everything better! And it makes me happy if my recap can give you 60 minutes you wouldn’t have had. I always appreciate the comments!

  4. 4
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted May 25, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    @Lo, thank you for explaining it because I was so confused LOL.

    Towards the end, Devon got on my nerves but as far as 16aP girls go, she was a good one. And very pretty.
    I don’t understand why they didn’t just rent a place though. It’s like it didn’t even cross their minds. I mean she was like 17, he’s…what…21? 22? At that age and without a high-paying job, you don’t need to be a homeowner…it’s just more stress than its worth to be taking out 125k in loans to buy a house for you, your baby momma (not even your wife) and your infant. In Richmond, they could have gotten a nice two bedroom + two bath with utilities for under 2k a month and been happy as clams. I wonder why the mom didn’t explain that to them and recommend that they rent.

    The mom was funny too though, because the whole episode, she had her feet up on a table chilling, not the slightest bit concerned. I mean…she caught her daughter’s boyfriend in her house one morning , and just let him move in there. He’s a nice young man, turned out to be one of the best baby daddies so far, and gets extra points for being a veteran, but still…where they do that at?
    If that’s how the mom approached parenting in general, I’m kind of not surprised that she has two teen mom daughters.

  5. 5
    Chicken Lips
    Posted May 26, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    I had nails just like that when I was 10 (aka a long time ago). They were hot pink Lee Press on Nails. I have a firm belief that she has the same ones.

    I was getting real irritated during the time they were talking about BD needing to get a job that Princess there never once uttered the words “I could try to get a job, too.” It isn’t like she’s going to school anymore and there are so many people in that house someone should be able to watch the kid while she’s slinging hash or refilling the Slurpee machine or something.

    I should stop watching the show – all of the voiceovers and confessionals tick me off because they want me to feel sorry for them because they can’t be a kid, they can’t go to prom, they can’t play beer pong until dawn, etc. Well, maybe I’m cruel, but I don’t feel sorry for them. It isn’t hard to not get knocked up – I’ve managed to do it for years. And I’m not saying I don’t feel for people that do get accidentally pregnant, but I don’t feel sorry for those that choose to parade their sob story du jour on MTV. I do feel sorry for the babies – I hope that MTV is setting up trusts for each of them to pay for the future therapy bills.

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