16 and Pregnant Recap: Home Is Where the Hurt Is

After the commercials, we get the original cool Megan and a louder Megan who’s a bit too aware of the cameras. They go mall-walking and then to paint some ceramics. Sabrina never really saw abortion or adoption as options, she says. She did think about how her life would be different if she’d never gotten pregnant, but she knew she wanted to keep the baby once she was. We also hear again that Rebecca is less than enthusiastic about Iman’s impending arrival. At this point, I thought it was just skepticism about whether he was really coming. I wish we knew more about whether Rebecca was in California and whether she knew Iman, and what she thought of him before the pregnancy. Having these facts would really help me judge them. Currently there are too many variables and benefits-of-doubts floating around. 

Sabrina narrates that Iman said he had gotten a ticket. Her due date is a week away. I wish we’d seen this convo – for one, because maybe he wasn’t all dickish, and for two, because I just can’t trust these cartoons, even since that one where Devoid jumped through the hospital window.

She wakes up the next day with a swollen foot. The hospital diagnoses “signs of” preeclampsia and admits her. Another chain cry-action takes place because Iman’s not there. 

Oh lordy, Amanda, keep it together, willya? She came here for your help, not your additive panic.

Sabrina calls Iman and thankfully, he doesn’t curse her out this time. 

So here’s a thing I learned this week. Both pitocin to induce labor and the epidural to stop pain also interfere with your body’s release of endorphins in response to the pain – so you miss out on some of that natural high. Well that sucks. 

The pitocin works this time, though, and it’s time to push. Semi-circusy leg-holding, pushing and squealing commences. Again, Amanda, a tranquilizer would help. For you. The not-pregnant one. 

Heeere’s Audrey! And I see the little suctioning thing they use for baby boogers being used to suction the crap out of her airway, but maybe they should have used something stronger? I don’t know how all this works at this point. Her cries quickly turn to chokes and she turns purple. The doctors rush her away. Sabrina is open-mouthed, terrified and speechless. Amanda is frantic.

During the commercial, they fix her up and suction the fluid properly and put her in a warmer, and it looks like she’ll be okay – she got some fluid in her windpipe or something. They’re going to keep her in NICU for a few days. Possibly with IV antibiotics. That happened to my friend’s kid – not the choking, but the infecting. He recovered fine – he’s a five-year-old bruiser now. Sabrina has to go home and leave Audrey in the NICU, and it’s upsetting for everyone.

With one possible exception. Who’s he giving that finger to?

The new parents Skype. Well, Iman Skypes with the sister package deal. I think there was someone there with him, too, but I also think he’s on a borrowed computer or even at an internet cafe. In any event, the webcam adds 10 pounds. He reveals that he has not, in fact, gotten a ticket, but he doesn’t explain why the cartoon version of him lied about it. Sabrina breaks down, and Rebecca comforts her. 

Audrey comes home from the hospital. Rebecca’s excited to be the second person to hold her (besides a doctor and probably a dozen NICU nurses). She asks Sabrina if she’s gonna be raising Audrey as a single mom. Really quick to write Iman off, she is. Too quick. And a little too eager? I don’t know. I actually don’t understand sister dynamics, particularly these two. I do understand things that are possibly unhealthy though, and I’m filing this among them. 

So how much time goes by now? School starts and Audrey’s umbilical cord falls off. All before “next Friday”? Surely they could have drawn a cartoon calendar for their esteemed viewers.

Anyway, it’s been long enough for Rebecca to get pretty territorial with the babydaddying.