Nanny: How was that prophetic when she was already pregnant?
Drouche: Stop splitting hairs. Myranda and Eric, I want you to turn and look at Nanny and tell her how you both understand that baby boomers know more than you and always will.
Drouche: Let’s check in with Katie. I like when she’s here because I’m only the second most annoying person in the room.
Joey: Check out my neck tat.
Katie: Did you all know that Joey and I have our own place, because I get everything I want?
Drouche: Yes, it happened in your episode.
Katie: I’m in college too. I don’t have to work like my stupid BD.
Drouche: But do you now know that you can’t be a “doctor” with just a Master’s degree?
Katie: Well, do you?
Drouche: Isn’t Joey’s job dangerous?
Katie: Yes, but I’m not as worried about him dying as I am about what I’d do if he died.
Drouche: That’s totally self-centered, but since you’re not on any drugs, I can’t help you.
Joey: I wish she would hold me and comfort me when I tell her about all the people that get injured at my job and taken away in ambulances every day.
Katie: I just tell him to shut up. I can’t handle that crap.
Drouche: What about birth control?
Katie: We use one of everything. Also, I’m breastfeeding this child as long as she’ll let me.
Drouche: Now let’s bring out all the ladies and let them ask each other stupid questions. What? What other ones? Oh, the four fatties? People care about them? Well I don’t. Let me recap quickly. Devon was on bunk birth control, Hope has no friends, Sabrina doesn’t deserve any, and Jordan’s mom is still a big hater. Log on to mtv.com to find out more, after you’ve gone on the other 200 sites I just referred you to. Because the internet is great place to learn how to live your life. Ok, we’ll bring the fatties out for the group thing.
Hope: How do you single moms do it? I would straight-up die if I were single.
Briana: [Sings that Pussycat Dolls song.]
Hope: Oh. Okay.
Lindsey: Can I say something? You should totally not have sex. Unless you already got pregnant. Then you can, but use rubbers.
Alex: And respect yourself. If you have a loser for a boyfriend, only have sex with him every 10 days.
Drouche: It’s time to bring out your bastards. Personally, I’m shocked that such a raggedy assortment produced such hearty and attractive specimens.
Girls: Yeah, well.
Drouche: Join us next time for Eight New Boobs, I mean, Teen Mom! Our teen boobs will be Mackenzie, Alex, Katie, and if they can fit that much annoying into an hour, Lindsey. If not, Briana.
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