Hello, Gasmii. Welcome to your premiere of 666 Park Avenue. I am SnoopK8 and I will be your recapper. You may know me on the ‘Gasm from Dance Moms or Brooklyn 11223. Clearly, I am well-versed in the horror genre. Also, I live in NYC and I’ve read Rosemary’s Baby once a year since I was 12 so I am an expert on creepy buildings and their evil inhabitants.
We open at the symphony. Vanessa Williams is sitting in the audience with a sinister looking man. All of a sudden, one of the violinists notices his fingers bleeding profusely and dripping all over the stage. Yuck. In the audience, Vanessa Williams’ sinister date smiles sinisterly.
A taxi pulls up to a building in the pouring rain. The bloody violinist gets out and rushes inside, freaking out. In his apartment, he packs frantically. He picks up his violin and smashes it to pieces. He throws his passport into his suitcase and runs out the door without even zipping it. He makes it down to the lobby but all the doors are closing and locking and he can’t escape. A hall phone rings. He answers it and a sinister-sounding man says “It’s hard to believe it’s been ten years, my friend.” The violinist says he wants just one more year, but the sinister voice tells him he signed a contract and it’s time to settle up. The voice reminds the violinist that he said he’d give up everything to be the best.
The violinist manages to burst through the front door and the momentum makes him fall onto the ground. He totally should have asked the cab to wait because there’s no way he’s getting another one in that rain. Thinking he has escaped, he says, “dear god, thank you.” But he spoke too soon, because everyone knows you can’t escape supernatural buildings and sinister voices on phones and this is no exception. A square panel on the door opens and sucks the violinist in.
Some people call it a peephole, we call it a portal to Hell
Then the camera pans up to the building’s address, which is 999 Park Avenue. The shadow makes the nines look like sixes and that, my friends, is our intro to 666 Park Avenue.
Herman Cain also lives here
It’s daytime and a laughing couple pulls up to the building in a beat-up Volvo. They get a parking spot right in front (speaking of supernatural occurrences). They are impressed by the façade and say they probably couldn’t even afford to rent a closet there. We eventually learn the couple are Jane Van Veen and Henry Martin. They are not married. They are there to see a Mr. Doran about the Resident Manager position. A sketchy teen they meet in the lobby says she hopes they get the job. Hmm, how did she know why they were there?