Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition Recap: Little Monsters

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By fatcamp | Monday, October 22, 2012 | 9:31 pm | 14 Comments
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Hi, Gasmii!  We’re back with another episode of Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition, so let’s dive right in!

Previously on AUDC: dance mothers continue to be horrible garbage creatures, Elizabeth pulled out a sob story to distract from her less than stellar performance, and Tessa got the chunky ALM boot for fucking up her tap routine.

Jordyn’s mom Kelly pulls out the old “I’m not here to make friends” card, and it literally made me yawn.

You are a grown ass woman wearing a side pony.  Not okay.

The generic host tells the girls that this week’s theme is monsters of the night.  They could have just made it an ALM theme.  The skill of the group challenge is physical strength, and Abby tells us that she expects to see muscles when they strike poses.  I get wanting the dancers to be skinny and have clean lines, but are bulging muscles on children really something judges would be looking for?

The winner of the group challenge receives a solo!  So you either fail to shit on your own, or excel from not having some busted bitches dragging you down.

She’s a mess because she’s worried for your chola eyebrows and drag queen makeup

Hadley’s mother Yvette isn’t guying the divorce excuse and says to put your big girl panties on.  Gross.

I hate the word panties so much.

Zack’s mom interviews something about how she would love to win this challenge, but I was too busy being distracted by the mess on her head.

What’s this?  What’s happening?  What’s going on?

The group dance was a hot ass mess.  Everyone was doing something different all at different times, which made it hard to tell you was blowing it.  Asia was struggling picking up the choreo while preparing, and you could really tell during the number.  Elizabeth and Zack seemed to know what they were doing.

ALM doesn’t like Elizabeth wasn’t scary.  She said Hadley’s name comes to mind when she thinks of physical strength.  Jordyn gets a special shout out for her incredible eye contact.  Is Abby going to once again ignore what the challenge is about and award the winner while not regarding the skill of the week?  Oh look, she named Jordyn the winner.  Why are we even bothering with these challenges?  Or just forget the “skill” and choose someone based on whatever you want.

Jordyn gets to choose one other dancer who will also get a solo.  Her mother is no fool and wants to choose a shitty kid who will make Jordyn look good.

“Don’t forget, honey, we’re not here to make friends.”

The dance of St. Vitus.

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fatcamp
About

I'm a mystery wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in silk charmeuse with bitchy trim.  I have an abusive relationship with television, a penchant for making fun of everything, and a need to make people laugh.  By day I conduct clinical research having to do with ladyparts.  By night, I'm Darkwing Duck.  This nerd is five by five and ready to go.  If you love me that much, you can find me at twitter @fatcamp

14 Comments

  1. 1
    alice
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 12:59 am

    im enjoying all this mother fighting…..i laugh when whats her face..pussy cat doll maker always wants to remind us that SHE made the pussy cat dolls………..gee……where are they now??? plus she needs to shrink those huge lips….looks like abby’s trying to be like simon…off topic..i will miss brooke and paige on dance moms..their replacements are really to push them off the dance floor..after all abby does say everyone replaceable…

  2. 2
    April
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 4:13 am

    I did not know she had the extensions. I actually thought that was her real hair and thought it was super pretty. I do think she was being overly dramatic. I don’t like Yvette though at all and think she was just trying to be mean. I will say it is not rude to say someone has extensions or fake hair, if they have fake hair. It is just stating the truth. As long as you just are doing it in a stating the truth way and not making fun of her.

    I was not impressed with Jordyn’s solo. I was impressed with the boy’s solo. He is a performer for sure. I did not notice him much till that solo but now I will have to watch him more.

  3. 3
    April
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 4:25 am

    I think it will come down to Madison and Brianna. They are standing out the most to me right now.

    Not to brag, but I actually do have fairly long thick nice looking hair. It can exist. I have seen it. So I guess maybe that is why I just assumed that was her real hair. My hair kinda looks like Connie Britton’s but red.

  4. 4
    Meaghan
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 5:55 am

    I didn’t think it was possible for Lifetime to find moms crazier than the ones on Dance Moms: Miami. But they did. Oh lord, they did. And I love them for it! I hope Zack goes further in the competition; it’s hard to find male dancers who continue it beyond his age. I wonder what will go down in tonight’s episode. With ALM on the helm, anything’s possible. I’m expecting a dance about the ASPCA soon.

  5. 5
    billyjeansss
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 7:09 am

    Sorry fatcamp but having long, full hair does exist…a lot of ethnic people (including myself) are blessed with a nice head of hair. Maybe it’s just a white person problem?

  6. 6
    April
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 7:14 am

    I know lots of white people with full long pretty hair.

  7. 7
    Dani
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 10:58 am

    I also think it will come down to Madison and Brianna. So far they seem to be the best (also they seem to have the least amount of “drama” going on). Elizabeth annoys me to no end, though I do think she is quite a talented dancer too. I have no words for Yvette.. Just GO AWAY!! I can NOT stand her!!

    I know they have Asia on there for the cuteness factor, and she is very very good for her age, but if this is a true competition amongst these kids, then really they need to cut her. She is outstanding for 6, but she is in a competition with 13 year olds, and she is not up to their level. This may sound mean, but I so hope that Hadley gets the axe soon (actually would prefer her to get the axe before Asia), but that is simply because I can’t stand her horrible mother. Also, I don’t want Yvette to have the satisfaction of seeing Asia go home before they have to- though in all likelihood, Asia WILL go home before Hadley. Hadley is better, no doubt, but I just can’t stand that mother and want her gone and don’t want to see that smirk on her face when Asia does get kicked off…

  8. 8
    April
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    I also am beginning to dislike Hadley just because of her mother being so horrible. She is really good though so probably will make at least top 5.

  9. 9
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    It seems like before everybody and their labradoodle had a weave all kinds of of people used to have a mess of head hair. But nowadays if you admit they use thinning shears on you it feels like you’re bragging. Specially if your head’s the only place that’s got any. So people know you get to save $ 2 times. And figure you can just pay for lunch then.

  10. 10
    ellemenop
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    *raises hand* ooh, me, me! i have naturally really long, really full, really “beautiful” (i’m told) hair. the secret there? it’s a PAIN IN THE ASS TO MAINTAIN. so if anything, go with the weave, honey. i’m sure it’s less time-consuming. having naturally really full hair suuuuuuucks, dude. and i’m pretty sure hairdressers despise me because i make them work much harder when they have to handle all my hair.

    meh, i just really don’t like elizabeth. she’s the kind of whiny bitch i would have hated when i was 13. oh, wait, i still think she’s freakin’ annoying. and her mom is even more annoying, so i guess those whiny bitches i hated in middle school just get worse.

    no one on this show sucks more than yvette, though. what a horrid person.

  11. 11
    Sunny
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 12:06 am

    I have very thick shiny black hair. Most likely helps that I’m mixed race (half hispanic) so I got my dad’s good genes there. It’s not long right now because I’m transitioning from an extremely short punk cut I got in spring. I’m looking forward to having that look again but not to the weight of it. When it’s long (or even just past shoulder length), I can’t put my hair up for more than an hour or two without getting terrible headaches.

    So far I’m having a hard time caring about this show. I love getting to hear Abby’s critiques because when she’s not screaming at the kid and just explaining what was good or bad, it actually sounds like she knows what she’s talking about. This may be her best career move since Dance Moms started even if this show doesn’t get picked up for a second season. I do like the boy and the girl who won the challenge this week and chose to work with someone who could help her improve, rather than someone who she’d show up easily. I don’t remember her dancing though. I just liked her maturity–especially compared to a lot of the moms.

    Asia needs to go. Every time I see her lag behind the rest of them in the challenges or rehearsals it pisses me off. Starting this week I’ve added her ridiculous faces to the list of things that annoy me about her.

  12. 12
    billyjeansss
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 7:42 am

    I also want to comment on Elizabeth’s mom’s eyebrows. WHO ARCHES THEIR EYEBROWS LIKE THAT?!!! She looks like she’s constantly surprised or scared.

  13. 13
    Sunshine
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    I hope the crying girl goes home next. Getting on my nerves bigtime.

    These moms are nuts… I love it.

    I wonder if someone is gonna lose a finger this season while pointing it in someone’s face a bit too closely. The kids as usual are the more mature ones….at least most of them….

    So far I have to admit I am hooked on the Dance Mom shows….

  14. 14
    jewel64
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    Elizabeth’s mother looks like she has botoxed her forehead waayyyyy too much. That’s what too much botox does–makes you look surprised all the time. If her eyebrows are real, she’s the envy of every queen on RuPaul’s Drag race. To me, she looks like Vampira.

    The kids act more mature than the mothers. Yvette, Kristi and Side Pony Mom are especially bad, though I’d have to give the Kunt Crown to Yvette. Wasn’t she the one that made the comments about Elizabeth’s hair extensions? I thought it was Yvette, and that’s the reason why Hadley ignored Elizabeth. Elizabeth is too immature to understand that Hadley is her mother’s daughter and does everything her mother tells her to do.

    Poor Jordyn–her solo was so blase…it was like she was at an amateur dance recital. She needs acting lessons. Her (mother’s) plan to pick somebody who won’t outdance her backfired with Zack. She would have been better off selecting one of the weaker girls.

    I wish the show would focus more on the kids and their dancing instead of these mothers screaming at each other.

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