Hi, Gasmii! We’re back with another episode of Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition, so let’s dive right in!
Previously on AUDC: dance mothers continue to be horrible garbage creatures, Elizabeth pulled out a sob story to distract from her less than stellar performance, and Tessa got the chunky ALM boot for fucking up her tap routine.
Jordyn’s mom Kelly pulls out the old “I’m not here to make friends” card, and it literally made me yawn.
You are a grown ass woman wearing a side pony. Not okay.
The generic host tells the girls that this week’s theme is monsters of the night. They could have just made it an ALM theme. The skill of the group challenge is physical strength, and Abby tells us that she expects to see muscles when they strike poses. I get wanting the dancers to be skinny and have clean lines, but are bulging muscles on children really something judges would be looking for?
The winner of the group challenge receives a solo! So you either fail to shit on your own, or excel from not having some busted bitches dragging you down.
She’s a mess because she’s worried for your chola eyebrows and drag queen makeup
Hadley’s mother Yvette isn’t guying the divorce excuse and says to put your big girl panties on. Gross.
I hate the word panties so much.
Zack’s mom interviews something about how she would love to win this challenge, but I was too busy being distracted by the mess on her head.
What’s this? What’s happening? What’s going on?
The group dance was a hot ass mess. Everyone was doing something different all at different times, which made it hard to tell you was blowing it. Asia was struggling picking up the choreo while preparing, and you could really tell during the number. Elizabeth and Zack seemed to know what they were doing.
ALM doesn’t like Elizabeth wasn’t scary. She said Hadley’s name comes to mind when she thinks of physical strength. Jordyn gets a special shout out for her incredible eye contact. Is Abby going to once again ignore what the challenge is about and award the winner while not regarding the skill of the week? Oh look, she named Jordyn the winner. Why are we even bothering with these challenges? Or just forget the “skill” and choose someone based on whatever you want.
Jordyn gets to choose one other dancer who will also get a solo. Her mother is no fool and wants to choose a shitty kid who will make Jordyn look good.
“Don’t forget, honey, we’re not here to make friends.”
The dance of St. Vitus.