Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition Recap: SMIZE

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By fatcamp | Thursday, November 1, 2012 | 10:00 am | 7 Comments
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Banjy round-the-way girl effeck.

The girls are doing great, but Zack is just not giving the face that he should, and his movement feel too stagey. 

I hate you, but you’re doing a good job.

Brianna keeps working her way into my good graces.  Not an easy feat.

Oh man.  Abby doesn’t even clap at first and Richy hesitantly places his hands together a few times out of what looks like confused pity.  Abby thinks Zack was on a different subway.  Richy is disappointed in him and tells him to work on his hip hop.  Robin thinks there was no swag, and takes the opportunity to plug the Pussycat Dolls yet again.  I disagree, I think the girls brought it to the floor.  Zack’s mom tries to cheer him up with the fact that Robin said she likes him.  Zack quips that it’s not Robin’s Ultimate Dance Competition.  Heh.

Up next is Amanda’s lyrical solo about New York runaways.  Is she going to dance-miming prostitution and drug use? 

That’s right, baby, just raise one eyebrow and INSTANT PROJECTION.

Amanda seems to be doing a passable job and—WHOA HOLY SHIT.  Can we talk for a sec about her mother’s outfit?

She looks like a double amputee in an Ugly Betty poncho.

Amanda’s choreography doesn’t look as impressive as what her teacher was doing.  Then she brings her little sequins hat up to the judges table to beg for change.

Richy doesn’t know what the fuck to make of this.

This does not look like a happy face to me.

Abby calls it hot and sassy and praised Amanda’s attention to detail and turned out feet.  She also loved the mature emotional performance.  I guess Richy did like it because he gives it two squirrel fingers.

Stop trying to make squirrel fingers happen.  It’s not going to happen.

He then says if he had a dollar, he would give it to her.  Um, this means she was a stripper?  Or a drag queen I guess.  Sad to me either way.  All the judges have nothing but love for Amanda’s piece, and Robin even says it was perfection.

Judges’ deliberation is finally semi-interesting for once because Abby announces that she wants three of the kids to have a dance off.  (All I can think of right now is the movie Freak Dance.  If you  haven’t seen that yet, get into it!)

Abby announces that Amanda is the highest scoring dancer tonight.  I wish they wouldn’t even mention scores.  Don’t pretend like some fucking Tyra Banks that this is solely based on objective scores.  The dancers on the chopping block will be called one by one and have to execute a few moves outlined by Abby and must then improve eight counts.

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fatcamp
About

I'm a mystery wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in silk charmeuse with bitchy trim.  I have an abusive relationship with television, a penchant for making fun of everything, and a need to make people laugh.  By day I conduct clinical research having to do with ladyparts.  By night, I'm Darkwing Duck.  This nerd is five by five and ready to go.  If you love me that much, you can find me at twitter @fatcamp

7 Comments

  1. 1
    April
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 10:30 am

    Good recap. They are keeping around Asia just for her mother drama with Yvette at this point. Got to milk that cow as much as possible.

    Amanda actually stood out to me early on. She is quiet and not showy but I saw amazing technique there and it showed in her solo. I am glad she finally showed what she can do and impressed the judges.

    I still think this is Brianna’s competition to lose. I was surprised they were so hard on Madison. She is still one of the best dancers there. She had an off night that was all. I also love that she did not do the stupid go get in the judge’s faces thing on her 8 count, instead she did some mad dancing and skill and that is what it is all about dammit!

    Zack is great, but the judges are right. You need to be a well rounded dancer and study all types of dance and rock them all. Hip hop is huge now and he needs to be better at it. Hopefully he will study up on that. It was cute when they said Madison had a little crush on him. Barking up the wrong tree honey. His mom pretty much said he was gay without just straight up saying it.

    The standouts of the night were Jordyn and Hadley. They rocked it. Lexine is consistent but she is a smaller girl and personality and gets lost. Same with Amanda. Elizabeth is good but Brianna and Madison and Amanda have much better technique from what I have seen.

  2. 2
    alice
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 10:59 am

    when abby said her girls could use zack he should have spoke up and said…WHEN?
    SINCE BROOKE AND PAIGE HIT THE ROAD…BYE BROOKE AND PAIGE.. guess what..their replaceable..they’ve been replaced!!!!
    thank the stars ms pussy cat doll maker reminded us again..”on every show” that she created the pussy cat dolls and the pussy cat dolls do this and that…gee…what ever happen to that group…they got pussy out !!!

  3. 3
    ellemenop
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 11:58 am

    ” Robin took some time out of hooking on the corner to offer some more praise.” — that made me laugh so hard, and this was one of the funniest recaps i’ve read in the past month or so.

    i HATE asia’s slutty faces. she’s SIX. and i’m usually one who defends acting and inppropriate costumes and stuff other people think is inapprorpiate, but asia’s dancing combined with those faces she makes … honestly, all i can think is porn star. and she’s six. it needs to be STOPPED. if i were her mother i”d be concerned about predators!!!

  4. 4
    Dani
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    Great recap!! I’ll miss Zack! He is adorable, and a great dancer, but I agree that it was justified that he go (although there is no way that Asia should still be there, and Zack not..). I think they are keeping Asia around for the crazy mama factor as April mentioned. I was surprised to see Madison in the bottom 3 because I think she is amazing. How can Asia, Lexine, and Hadley be safe and Madison NOT? I also agree with April that the 3 best are Brianna, Amanda and Madison.

    That pussydoll lady has got to go!! I can’t even stand to look at her. Seriously! I would never want my daughter to be a “dancer” like those of the pussycat dolls. She doesn’t seem to know what in the hell she’s even talking about and I can’t help but wonder how they couldn’t scrounge up ANYONE besides her to be a judge..

  5. 5
    jewel64
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    Absolutely HILARIOUS recap, especially the shots you used of Yvette. Yikes, what a mega-stage mama she is. I was sorry to see Zack go, but I feel Asia should have gone before him. Of course, then we’d have no mama drama with Yvette and Kristie. I wonder when the physical catfight will be featured? I think those two are jostling to get their own reality TV series. Yvette looks really old and those age spots indicate she has spent too many hours in the tanning salon. Robin of the Pussycat Dolls is tiresome and a broken record–always reminding us every episode that she was the founder of that group. Yeah, we know, and if that’s your own claim to fame, no wonder you’re a judge on all these reality TV shows. Asia is very, very talented for her age and quite precocious. But the faces and choreography she does is way too sexual and seductive for one so young. I can’t help feel like her mother and Abby are pimping this little girl out. She acts mature for age, but that’s no reason to have her dance like a stripper.
    Jordyn and Hadley’s dance made me smile–it was adorable and fun. But it appears the best dancers are Brianna, Amanda (who did lyrical) and Madison. Whiny Elizabeth needs to go–in that photo you featured, she looks like she’s 25 years old instead of 13. It seems Elizabeth’s and Asia’s mothers are too much in a hurry to have their girls grow up. No wonder so many child actors/performers are messed up.

  6. 6
    Corinthia
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    During this week with dance-off between Elisabeth, Zack, and Madison, I definitely would chosen Elisabeth to go instead of Zack. Maybe Zack didn’t really \get\ the hip-hop, but he really did seem to be working hard and improving in general and I thought there was hope that he could surprise us yet. Whereas Elisabeth seemed to me to exactly at the same level where she arrived instead of growing, and just didn’t seem like she had it in her to push for more and surprise us…

  7. 7
    CrazyDutchwoman CrazyDutchwoman
    Posted November 8, 2012 at 6:56 am

    I agree that it should have been Elizabeth. Abby said she is looking for dancers who can improve. Well that was what Zach did.

    My favourite has been Madison from the beginning. Brianna is also very good. I think one of these 2 should win.
    I am not a fan of Hadley. She is just middle of the road and seems quite catty. Just like her mum.

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