Amazing Race Recap: Introducing Goat Choke!

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By Fran and Berry | Wednesday, November 14, 2012 | 10:59 am | 9 Comments
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Goat Boys flip a coin to chose which flight they go on. Heads for Frankfurt, tails for Athens. They get heads (yeah they do) and Frankfurt it is. (Yeah it is!) Brent gives a weird little giggle. (So does Berry.) Everybody loves a little Frankfurt.

Choke Out and Goat Boys are on their way to Frankfurt and get notified by the pilot that their flight is delayed an hour. And that will pretty much eat up all of their time to catch the connecting flight. When they get off the plane they run to the connecting flight and……………don’t make it!!! WHOA!! This season just got interesting! Classic AR! Where the flight you’re on matters! WHOOOOOO!!!!!! We just got a reality tv rush! YEAH THAT TASTES GOOD!!! HELL YEAH AR!!! Now both teams are stuck there until tomorrow morning. Booyah! Taking risks on this show rules!

Team Dong and Mama Mia are already in Moscow. They get to the place but it doesn’t open until 9am.

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“We all float down here!”

Goat Boys and Choke Out won’t get into Moscow until 3pm. That’s gotta hurt! Now they’re just hanging out with their Frankfurts in their hands.

FNL and Twin N’s join Dong and Mama Mia. The doors of the statue-torium open and teams run past all the creepy ass statures to get their next clue. They must now to proceed to Moskvoretsky Most. It’s totally the most Moskvoretsky Most there is. There was another Moskvoretsky but it was less than most, so this one is the most! When they get there they must search for Ivan the Terrible’s guards to get their next clue. Mama Mia gets a cab. The rest of the teams run for some reason. Phil didn’t say anything about making your way on foot. Mama Mia OF COURSE gets there first.

DETOUR! FInally, I thought the whole Russia stop was going to be jumping from one weird named place to another. DETOUR! Alphabetized or Synchronized. In Alphabetized teams must go to a library, chose a librarian, get a list of books, find the books in the card catalogs, then find the location of the books and give the four books to Ulga, the head librarian. And it’s all written in Cyrillian. What the heck is Cyrillian? A google search tells me that Cyrillians were a reptilian species native to the industrialized planet Cyrillia. Wonder how they ended up in Moscow. Oh well, it’s none of our business.

Synchronized is exactly what you’d think. They have to synchronize swim. Mama Mia and FNL are doing the library. While Dong and Twin N’s head to the pool. Yeah, neither of those teams seem very “library-friendly.” Twin N’s can’t get a cab and they think it’s because they are “brown.” Yeah, you have to be red to get a cab in Russia.

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“Did someone order an idiot-gram?!”

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Fran and Berry are not just a sexy elderly couple who competed in Season 9 of the Amazing Race, they are also us, Mike Betette and Amanda Ohly.  We are similarly married and similarly carry backpacks all over the world.  Some people ask us "how do you keep the spark alive in your marriage?"  And to that we respond: reality tv.  Tons of reality tv.  Sexy, fighty, douchey reality tv.  We are both comedians living in Los Angeles and we love Robin Hood and we did NOT contribute to the Harlem Shake.  Google us for more, ya dirty stalker!

9 Comments

  1. 1
    JimbobJones Berry's Brother
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    I like to get loaded up on cookie dough before we make love, Berry’s brother always had raw eggs and sugar on his breath so I can just think of him the whole time.

    Well, YOU always had Kahlua and pecans on yours. Figured together, we’d somehow make cookies or something.

    EXCUSE ME for trying to keep things interesting!

  2. 2
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    I don’t care who wins this race.

    (Please –God, Buddha and Allah– let it be the Chippendales!).

    I’m just SO HAPPY Romney and Ryan lost.

    ————————————————————————————————

    BTW: There is a huge problem with violence against minorities in Russia. Google it.

  3. 3
    Chicken Lips
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    @Berry’s Brother – BWAHAHAHAHAHA

    Anybody that is musically inclined out there – someone needs to start the band Goat Choke. Please.

    I thought that this episode was a little hohum. The flight part was interesting, but then we had to start listening to Twinnies bitch about, well, everything and I had to pop my own eardrums. The rest of the episode was just noise like the adults on Charlie Brown so I’m not entirely sure what happened toward the end except what I saw. Thanks to the recap, I now know. Thanks for that.

  4. 4
    JimbobJones Berry's Brother
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    …the only way I got Berry to propose to me was by banging his brother…

    I remember it like it was yesterday… Oh, dear God!!! What are you doing with that turkey baster?!?!?!

    **shudder**

    My therapist said I should just go ahead and repress those memories. Or start a reality show.

    Either way, I’m happy for you kids. Kind of. Actually, I kind of hate both of you. A lot.

    See you at Thanksgiving. And stop unfriending me on Facebook!

  5. 5
    JimbobJones
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    I’ve got to give Team Chokeout some props on actually waiting for the Goat Farmers. And I dare anyone to google “Goat Choke”. I don’t know if it leads to anything (I haven’t been brave enough to do it), but, since it’s the Internet, it probably does.

    Dammit Mama Mia!!! The two teams who I don’t really like are way in the back (I would hate the Goat boys left if they would stop whining), and you choose NOW to lose your passports?

    The up-side is that we can look forward to Team AnnoyingAnnoying (m’eh, too long) to be around for another week since they have the Express Pass. Unless they scream so hard we end up with some “Scanners” action. We can dream.

    Also, kudos on the “It” reference.

  6. 6
    JimbobJones
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    ” The rest of the teams run for some reason. Phil didn’t say anything about making your way on foot.”

    I actually rewound the video to see if I missed it. Nope! The other teams are just idiots.

  7. 7
    hillpete
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 8:00 am

    I deleted the episode already, but wasn’t there a shot of team Mama Mia’s taxi way down the road just sitting there? Maybe I dreamed that part… Oy.

  8. 8
    Flippy Floppy
    Posted November 19, 2012 at 9:19 am

    How many times at the swimming pool did the twins complain that the Russians didn’t speak English? It was at least 17,000.

  9. 9
    Pegalicious
    Posted November 19, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    I haven’t been a big fan of Choke Out, but I was very impressed that they waited for Goat Boys. (Maybe the Boys did offer to release them from their pact and it didn’t make on the teevee.) A shame the library closed at 4; I suspect they would have whipped right through that challenge.

    Love your recaps, Fran (and Berry); not only do you remind me what happened on TAR when I was zoning out, I’m also learning unexpected and amazing lessons about life, love, and marriage.

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