Amazing Race Recap: Introducing Goat Choke!

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By Fran and Berry | Wednesday, November 14, 2012 | 10:59 am | 9 Comments
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FNL unlocks the ribbon and cracks out the rubel. They have to figure out that the building on it is The Bolshoi Theater and get their asses there because Phil is waiting for them! It’s the pit stop already! The last team to check in MAY BE eliminated!!!

Mama Mia is working on their routine and they are not cute. It’s actually pretty upsetting to watch them do crappy water somersaults.

FNL checks in first! They get a trip to Maui. Sweet! Berry and I went to Maui once. Berry rammed our boat into two turtles mating. It was romantic. FNL admits that they are feeling good and strong!

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“If you bang that thing into my arm one more time I’m ripping off your body.”

Twin N’s are being obnoxious trying to unlock the ribbon.

Goat Choke arrives in Moscow. They try and all get in the same cab, but that’s not going to happen. Wonder which team will break out of the alliance first? Or maybe Mama Mia will just eat it in the pool and Goat Choke will stay intact for another episode! LONG LIVE GOAT CHOKE!!

Team Dong is team number two. I think Phil is proud of them.

Goat Choke has to do synchronized because the library closes at four. STRESSFUL!!

Mama Mia finally gets it. They very reluctantly win over the judge. Or maybe she was just tired of seeing their pubes when they do the back rolls. Especially since the long ass straggly carpet matches the drapes.

Twin N’s try and explain in their weird twin ways, “We fight like a married couple and make up like little kids, it’s the perfect relationship.” That’s the perfect relationship?! Oh man, Berry and I have been doing it wrong. We fight like little married kids and then make up like horny zoo animals.

Goat Choke is calmly working through the swimming. Which doesn’t last long. Especially since neither of them are very strong swimmers. And swimming is a pretty crucial part of this swimming task.

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Twin N’s is team 3. They are not happy. Phil is annoyed and we love how little he’s trying to hide it. They say that they will use the express pass next week. Phil could care less.

Mama Mia was working on the keys and then they realized that the cab driver took off with all of their stuff! So they leave the challenge and start wandering around Moscow looking for the cab. Eventually they return to finish the challenge. Abba doesn’t have his passport so they are screwed. Totally.

Goat Boys are trying to learn to swim while Choke Out aces it. Choke Out waits for Goat Boys because they vowed to remain, GOAT CHOKE! Goat Boys are sucking hard. The judge hates them. Choke out, you had your perfect out, everyone would have understood. And Goat Boys, you should have done the right thing and released Choke Out from your unholy bond. But no, GOAT CHOKE 4EVER!

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Fran and Berry are not just a sexy elderly couple who competed in Season 9 of the Amazing Race, they are also us, Mike Betette and Amanda Ohly.  We are similarly married and similarly carry backpacks all over the world.  Some people ask us "how do you keep the spark alive in your marriage?"  And to that we respond: reality tv.  Tons of reality tv.  Sexy, fighty, douchey reality tv.  We are both comedians living in Los Angeles and we love Robin Hood and we did NOT contribute to the Harlem Shake.  Google us for more, ya dirty stalker!

9 Comments

  1. 1
    JimbobJones Berry's Brother
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    I like to get loaded up on cookie dough before we make love, Berry’s brother always had raw eggs and sugar on his breath so I can just think of him the whole time.

    Well, YOU always had Kahlua and pecans on yours. Figured together, we’d somehow make cookies or something.

    EXCUSE ME for trying to keep things interesting!

  2. 2
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    I don’t care who wins this race.

    (Please –God, Buddha and Allah– let it be the Chippendales!).

    I’m just SO HAPPY Romney and Ryan lost.

    ————————————————————————————————

    BTW: There is a huge problem with violence against minorities in Russia. Google it.

  3. 3
    Chicken Lips
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    @Berry’s Brother – BWAHAHAHAHAHA

    Anybody that is musically inclined out there – someone needs to start the band Goat Choke. Please.

    I thought that this episode was a little hohum. The flight part was interesting, but then we had to start listening to Twinnies bitch about, well, everything and I had to pop my own eardrums. The rest of the episode was just noise like the adults on Charlie Brown so I’m not entirely sure what happened toward the end except what I saw. Thanks to the recap, I now know. Thanks for that.

  4. 4
    JimbobJones Berry's Brother
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    …the only way I got Berry to propose to me was by banging his brother…

    I remember it like it was yesterday… Oh, dear God!!! What are you doing with that turkey baster?!?!?!

    **shudder**

    My therapist said I should just go ahead and repress those memories. Or start a reality show.

    Either way, I’m happy for you kids. Kind of. Actually, I kind of hate both of you. A lot.

    See you at Thanksgiving. And stop unfriending me on Facebook!

  5. 5
    JimbobJones
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    I’ve got to give Team Chokeout some props on actually waiting for the Goat Farmers. And I dare anyone to google “Goat Choke”. I don’t know if it leads to anything (I haven’t been brave enough to do it), but, since it’s the Internet, it probably does.

    Dammit Mama Mia!!! The two teams who I don’t really like are way in the back (I would hate the Goat boys left if they would stop whining), and you choose NOW to lose your passports?

    The up-side is that we can look forward to Team AnnoyingAnnoying (m’eh, too long) to be around for another week since they have the Express Pass. Unless they scream so hard we end up with some “Scanners” action. We can dream.

    Also, kudos on the “It” reference.

  6. 6
    JimbobJones
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    ” The rest of the teams run for some reason. Phil didn’t say anything about making your way on foot.”

    I actually rewound the video to see if I missed it. Nope! The other teams are just idiots.

  7. 7
    hillpete
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 8:00 am

    I deleted the episode already, but wasn’t there a shot of team Mama Mia’s taxi way down the road just sitting there? Maybe I dreamed that part… Oy.

  8. 8
    Flippy Floppy
    Posted November 19, 2012 at 9:19 am

    How many times at the swimming pool did the twins complain that the Russians didn’t speak English? It was at least 17,000.

  9. 9
    Pegalicious
    Posted November 19, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    I haven’t been a big fan of Choke Out, but I was very impressed that they waited for Goat Boys. (Maybe the Boys did offer to release them from their pact and it didn’t make on the teevee.) A shame the library closed at 4; I suspect they would have whipped right through that challenge.

    Love your recaps, Fran (and Berry); not only do you remind me what happened on TAR when I was zoning out, I’m also learning unexpected and amazing lessons about life, love, and marriage.

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