It is the finale already! A two hour spectacular! Berry here at your service. Fran is trying to put Lil’ C down for the night. She’s teething and screaming up a storm. The double wide next door keeps throwing Coors cans at our door but what can we do?! We’re down to four teams:
Team Dong (Jaymes and James)
Goat Boys (Josh and Brent)
Friday Night Lights (Trey and Lexi)
Twin N’s (Nadiya and Natalie)
You have to be pretty attractive to agree to this angle.
Phil does a boring recap on who each team is and how they are all fighting to win the million. Phil is looking nice and tan glistening in the Spanish sun, telling us that teams are now on their way to Barcelona then they have to catch a train to the Loire Valley in France. When they arrive they’ll find their next clue on an all new Ford Escape!
FNL is first to leave. They say how they really want to win the million dollars so they’re going to do whatever they need to do to be in the top three. They must think all teams in the top three win a million. Then Team Dong leaves. They remind us they need the million dollars because Jaymes’ dad needs money for cancer bills and James’ mom needs money so she can get something back after dealing with special needs kids. The Goat Boys leave next and they remind us that it would blow their minds just as much as anyone else’s to win. Then the Twin N’s because they need to buy earplugs for everyone they encounter and that can get expensive.
All the teams are on the flight to Barcelona and who left in what order is meaningless once again. They arrive and get on the train. The three teams who have a chance to win have a pow-wow while the Goat Boys are creepin’ from the other train car.
The Goat Boys think it’s like, so, high school that the other teams are conspiring against them. Right? I mean, FNL will like totally FML. OMG tater tots for lunch AGAIN?!
The teams get off the train and everyone is screaming about the cars. Then Phil goes into the most product-placementy challenge we’ve ever seen. Since when does Ford Escape get to write for Amazing Race? By the way, this is not an official “challenge.” It’s a “Route Info” whatever the hell that is. So teams must use the hands-free lift gate to put empty crates in the trunk. Then they have to kick the lift gate closed! Then they have to drive themselves to Target and buy as many cool Mossimo shirts they can hold, all while waiting for a prescription to be filled.
Okay, I made up some of that. In reality they have to drive themselves to the Chateau de Villandry where they will find the world’s largest ornamental garden where they must find a Stone Dog and their next clue.