Amazing Race Recap: We’re back, baby!

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Dear TVGasm readers,

As you may have noticed Fran and I have not been around recapping your favorite million dollar scramble sponsored by Ford Focus, The Amazing Race. Right now Fran is out of town because she had a death in the family. Some second cousin got his ding dong stuck in a leaf blower or something, I think. To be honest I wasn’t really listening. Anyway, she and Lil’ C have been away so recapping has been hard without the full strength of Fran. Actually, my life in general has been a mess for the past two weeks. Fran’s not here to tell me where the can opener is, so I’ve been bashing cans of .99 cent chili against the side of the tub until they pop. But it does gives me a little added treat if I ever decide to take a bath.

Boxers and pants and shirts and socks have blocked my path to the bed so I’ve been sleeping on the floor, I’m down to wearing old halloween costumes. And I’ve completely licked the jar of peanut butter clean.

But after hearing all your kinds words about us and our past recaps we realized life must go on! I think that’s what Fran’s cousin with the blown out dong would have said. So, let’s get recapping. You’ll have to forgive me if it’s not as thorough. Without my muse Fran, I’m only but half a man. Luckily, it’s the top half. With my eyes, brain and typing fingers. Truth be told I haven’t been using the bottom half for much of anything since she’s been away.

So here are our teams:

Dave & Conner: Team Remission. Dad and son with ball cancer. Just like Lance Armstrong. Except without Sheryl Crow, or the winning, or the steroids, or the likeability. Or anything interesting at all.

Jessica & John: Team Broseph. Just a couple of surfers. A dude and dudette just trying to get through this gnarly world, brah. Mainly by being sneaky assholes.

Chuck & Wynona:Team Mullet. He works at Wal-Mart. She has trouble running!

201303061053

Kenny Powers is on the Amazing Race?!

Caroline & Jennifer: Team CMT. A couple a country singin’ ladies that does mind using their strengths. And by that I mean their boobs.

Joey & Meghan: Team Internet. A young, annoying Youtube hosting couple. SUBSCRIBE! SUBSCRIBE! CLICK HERE TO COMMENT! CLICK TO LIKE! IGNORE TO GO TO HELL!

Mona & Beth: Team Jammer Moms. Some Roller Derby Doll ladies who are moms. Side note: A “Jammer” is the only word I know associated with Roller Derby. Side note 2: I do not believe these woman have ever actually played Roller Derby in their lives.

Idries & Jamil: Team Brother, Brother. Like Sister, Sister. Except they’re guys. And doctors. Hello ladies! I hope you like your twins sexy AND whiney!

Bates & Anthony: Team Slapshot. Hockey playin’ bros!

Max & Katie: Team Psycho. Oh my God. This guy scares the crap out of me. When he looks into the camera my blood runs cold. She seems crazy too, but he’s evil! Did you see him smoke that cigar in the first episode?! Creepy.

Fran and Berry are not just a sexy elderly couple who competed in Season 9 of the Amazing Race, they are also us, Mike Betette and Amanda Ohly.  We are similarly married and similarly carry backpacks all over the world.  Some people ask us "how do you keep the spark alive in your marriage?"  And to that we respond: reality tv.  Tons of reality tv.  Sexy, fighty, douchey reality tv.  We are both comedians living in Los Angeles and we love Robin Hood and we did NOT contribute to the Harlem Shake.  Google us for more, ya dirty stalker!

16 Comments

  1. 1
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted March 6, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    I like the brothers.
    I kind of like the hillbillies.
    3 episodes in none of the other teams appeal to me.

  2. 2
    Luke
    Posted March 6, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    I quite like team Youtube, at least they seem excited to be there. What the hell was with those doctors? If you get the chance to go swimming in Bora Bora, you freaking go swimming!

    I did not understand the obstacle course at all. Why was the dog following them? Confusion.

  3. 3
    Pegalicious
    Posted March 6, 2013 at 1:33 pm

    Haven’t yet read the recap, but WAHOO! So glad to see you back! (Now let me get back to work before my boss walks by…)

  4. 4
    NikkiHughes
    Posted March 6, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    Maybe it’s because I just started taking Estroven and EVERYTHING is funny and fun to me now, but holy canoli you had me bursting into laughter every other sentence. :D

  5. 5
    dawn
    Posted March 6, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    I haven’t started reading yet, just so excited to see your name! :)

  6. 6
    blazergirl
    Posted March 6, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    Yay! So glad you are back. I was starting to come to terms with an Amazing Race season with no Fran and Berry recap :(

    I thought it was actually really smart of Team Broseph to give the express pass to Team Remission. They knew with the severity of his injury that there is no way they will make it to the end and that the express pass would get used quickly and then no longer be of a threat to them.

  7. 7
    unwise
    Posted March 6, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    So glad you are back!! The other half of Team CMT is a Daniel Boone descendant. That is their gimmick.

  8. 8
    lindaw205
    Posted March 6, 2013 at 4:46 pm

    So far there is no team I’m rooting for. I kinda like Team Mullet but is there anything the wife can do except flop around in the bottom of a boat? When he hauled her into that boat like a fish I cracked up and had to rewatch it.

    And I just can’t get behind Team Crybaby. Every time the dad goes all Kermit voice and starts crying I just want to kick his leg out from under him. I would be okay with them if the dad would tone it down some.

    I love your recaps and so glad you’re back!

  9. 9
    Clair Clair
    Posted March 6, 2013 at 4:47 pm

    Team Remission Dad needs to shut up. Yap, yap, yap, yammering on and on and on. Ugh.

  10. 10
    carol
    Posted March 6, 2013 at 8:10 pm

    I will admit, I didn’t start watching until I saw that it was going to be recapped again. Odd I know, but the awesome Fran&Berry recaps are such a huge part of why I like this show. Thank you for coming back!!

    I am only halfway through episode 2. But I just had to comment that if I ever applied for TAR (or Survivor), and I knew the application was going forward, I would get professional help. I can already swim really well, but I would still get professional lessons. I would get a trainer and get up my running endurance (especially while carrying something). I would more than likely also get a professional help to help my fears. It always annoys me when people apply or are casted and act surprised when water is involved. Has there ever been a season of TAR (or Survivor) that doesn’t involve some water challenge? Or running? Or some type of scary thing (ex heights, bugs, etc)?

    Okay, back to TAR.

  11. 11
    Chicken Lips
    Posted March 6, 2013 at 8:31 pm

    Was the greater in NZ Big Philly’s dad again? I’m thinking so because he’s got some brows. And Tim the dog is cute.

    The people of Team Psycho favorited my tweet where apparently I didn’t RT someone else’s disdain, so it looks like I tweeted my disdain. I don’t know what favoriting a tweet is, but maybe that means I’m famous!

  12. 12
    jen
    Posted March 6, 2013 at 10:53 pm

    Team Slapshots names are Anthony and Bates. Anthony Bates. I just read his real first name is Jonathan but I think their troll parents nicknamed him Bates for pure humor. Bates Battaglia played here in Syracuse for part of a season I guess. Little local connection. Go team HOCKEY

  13. 13
    Pegalicious
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 5:47 am

    Hope Fran and Lil’ C are home soon, Berry; thanks for recapping. You do a great job!

  14. 14
    sphouch
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 6:25 am

    It does seem like there’s a lot of scheming schemers this season, which is unfortunate in that it severely limits the number of likeable teams (for me), but could make for some interesting viewing. It’s always fun to hear a team say We want to pretend to work with (team X) just so we can keep them close by and screw them on the way to the pitstop as opposed to, you know, trying to win outright.

    On the whole I’d rather have a team in the game like the Chippendales, or the Cowboys from a couple years back, or the hot docs who won where the vegetarian had to eat a sheep’s head and the other doctor had diabetes but hardly ever mentioned it – someone I could get behind and root for. This season I thought it could be the twin doctors, but they screwed it up by being aqua-phobic. In the little bit I’ve seen so far, I could see myself rooting for remission if they could stop whining about just wanting to go a little further after getting through so much. But for the moment, I think the hockey dudes or Alabama folks might be the ones I support.

    The asian girls said something in the introduction that made them sound like gold diggers… CMT look like they’re playing The Bachelor: Amazing Race, Youtube and Broseph and Psycho all come across as tools, which is impairing my ability to suffer them at all.

    I just realized, I forgot all about Roller Derby… I think that pretty accurately summarizes my thoughts on them.

    Anyway, let’s hope this season provides some good fireworks!

  15. 15
    Flippy Floppy
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 7:27 am

    Team Remission says, \I bet no one won a leg on crutches before.\ Yeah, probably not because that’s just stupid.

  16. 16
    Aly
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    So glad you’re back!! Hope Fran and Lil ‘C are back soon too. It’s not much of a show without your recaps.

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