American Horror Story Asylum Recap: Sister Christian Oh Your Time Has Commeeeeee

Lana hears Bloody Face coming down the stairs and she runs back into bed. No such luck though because Thredson catches her. He dons his mask and prepares to punish her. I was also watching this through my hands because I hate Bloody Face’s mask. 

“Here’s your dinner, MOMMY” 

Sister Christian recieves a phone call. Sadly, it isn’t the rest of Night Ranger calling to schedule a 1964 tour, but it is the NAZI HUNTER. Who? THE NAZI HUNTER. He’s calling to tell Sister Christian that Arden really is Hans Gruper the S.S. officer. All he needs to confirm this is a fingerprint from Sleazebag. 

Right after the phone call, Monsignor enters stage left and speaks to Jude. He fires her and tells her that she will be running a school for girls in Pennsylvania. Maybe she’ll run into Abby Lee and her girls. DANCE NUMBER.

Later on that night, she’s packing in her room when evil Mary comes in. Sister Christian says her time has come and that she’s leaving Briarcliff. Mary holds back the tears of joy and Jude asks her to go get two glasses and some alcohol  Her plan is unfolding perfectly. Sister Christian goes down to the Sleazebag to get him liquored up, while Evil Mary stays behind. 

Everyone shield your eyes because Demon Mary has discovered lingerie  I guess we know Mary’s Secret. HEY-OH. See what I did there? She’s dancing around Sister Christian’s room singing “You Don’t Own Me” and it truly is a precious moment. Her broadway moment is interuppted by the NAZI HUNTER calling Sister Christian back. Mary answers pretending to be Jude and makes her way downtown, walking fast, faces pass and I’m homebound. To THE NAZI HUNTER’S HOUSE. 

Briarcliff was no good for Wednesday Adams (snap snap) because she has up and killed her family. Except she still blames the bearded man for the incident. Shooting back to the NAZI HUNTER’s house, Evil Mary arrives and stabs Sam. Sister Christian comes later to find Sam and give him the evidence. Sam blabs on about a nun and we see Mary talking to the Sleazebag. She gives him the Nazi evidence and is all “no need to thank me for saving your booty.” And there we end for this week.

So, is everyone else still confused? Will there ever be a musical number? Monsignor is actually a good guy? WILL KIT EVER GET HIS DOMINO’S HOT AND FRESH PIZZA ORDER IN 30 MINUTES OR LESS? The more you know!

Until next week!

-AshSmash

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