American Horror Story Recap: Lana are you okay? Are you okay? ARE YOU OKAY LANA

Recaps

By AshSmash | Sunday, November 18, 2012 | 2:01 pm | 14 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: American Horror Story, Recaps

 Meanwhile, Sister Christian and the rest of Night Ranger look through the evil lair. They open the door only to find that Shelley is not there. I know what y’all are thinking, she’s dinner. FOILED AGAIN. 

Sister Christian calls the po po Nazi hunter and tells him the jig is up. Those meddling kids. She shoos out Anne, uh Charlotte and her husband. They head on home to the cellar, I mean, house. Dr. Sleazebag returns from the hospital and rolls up to Sister Christian’s office. He gets his man period and whines about Jude going into his lair and blah blah blah blah blah blah I HATE HIM SO MUCH.

 

Get a room. Geeze.  

 

Like, I have never hated a fictional character so much before. I despise him with the passion of a thousand burning suns. He is the scum between my toes. The ring around the toilet bowl. That annoying juice that comes out of the top of the Ketchup bottle. That feeling you get when you run out of bacon. That is Dr. Sleazebag.

As if I don’t already hate enough people, Dr. Thredson decides he needs to enter stage right. He convinces my kitty Kit that he needs to confess on tape so that Kit won’t get the chair. The question Kit should have asked was “Is it a Lay-z-boy?” Always comfy, always a classic. Priorities Kit, Priorities.

Kit is back in his cell and he and Gracie Lou Freebush have a precious little romantic moment. They pretend that the wall is down between them and you know they want to sex it up again, but alas, Sister Mary Evil has come to deliever good news. She’s all, “HARK, do not be afraid for I come bering great news of joy! You, my dear cute kitty kit, get to keep your manhood.” Kit does a little celebratory fist pump (Joisey Shore style, Baby I Like IT) and is released from his cell.

Sister Mary Evil walks next door to Grace’s cell and Grace thinks she has come to bring her her sash and crown. Be the crown, Gracie Lou. Grace is sadly mistaken because Sister Mary says that Grace still gets to sterilized. Ooo, tough luck. Shortly thereafter, Grace is visited by some aliens and no I am not kidding when I say that. Mother effing aliens gangnam style their way up into her crib and take her to some white world. I’m not sure what they do, as I had my hands over my eyes again.

Alma shows up and she’s pregnant. So I’m guessing that she’s still alive. Dr. Thredson comes up to Lana in the rec room to tell her that tonight they’re bustin out of this joint. Lana is just giddy with joy. She just can’t wait to be a lesbian again.

Yay. It’s time for Dr. Sleazebag to change the gauze on his gunshot wound and appears Sister Mary Douchebag. She’s all “Let me change it, Dr. wink wink wink I’m a slut he he giggle.” While she is wrapping his leg, Dr. tells her thanks for saving my ass. Mary says it’s not problemo, Shelley doesn’t weigh much, I just dragged her off into the woods. BUT WAIT. Shelley isn’t in the woods. She’s at a school. To get more knowledge so she can go to college. I made that up myself. You’re welcome, America.

Sister Mary Evil just dumped her down a stairwell for some kids to find. She starts crawling up the stairs grudge style and the teacher and everyone screams. 

 

THERE’S ONLY ONE BEYONCE TICKET LEFT????

 

Back at Chalet Briarcliff, Charlotte’s husband has arrived. Turns out he wants to return his wife because apparently she tried to suffocate their baby. If only Babs was there to offer her some parenting advice. Could you imagine? “TAKE CARE OF YA DAMN KID CHARLOTTE! NAZI’S? THEY’RE FRIGGIN LOOSAHS. STAWP BEIN AWL OBSESSED WITH THIS ANNE GURL. YAH PAHTY GURL.”  They throw Anne in a cell. Her husband corners Dr. Sleazebag and says thanks for not pressing charges. He then begs for the doctor to help his wife. Sleazebag gets an evil gleam in his eye and says LEZ DO IT.

Pages: 1 2 3 4
AshSmash
About

Just your average college student with a guilty pleasure for reality TV. I love bacon and cheesy one liners. 

14 Comments

  1. 1
    annie anniedawg25
    Posted November 18, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    This was a great ep!!! TOTALLY did not see the Dr. being “Bloody Face” but as soon as they got to his apt, I was like “homeboy is the killer”. He is so freakin’ cuhhhhhhhhreepy. But what I wanna know is: Is he also 2012 Bloody Face, and if not, who is?!?!

    Kinda disappointed the Anne Frank thing might not be real….but I dont want to give up on it yet because it seems the investigator Sister Jude visited found some dirt on him. I also wonder if her lobotomy worked, or if she is just faking it.

    Speaking of Sister Jude, LOVE HER, Love Jessica Lange. She is amazing, and I give total props to her and Ryan Murphy for giving her these amazing roles.

  2. 2
    Pillania Pillania
    Posted November 18, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    I was excited to see this show was being recapped…. however this season has more of “make me beyond uncomfortable” factor than the last.

    I think there is some truth to Charlotte’s story, and Arden knew it. He lobotomized her to make her forget, but I think something is going to backfire and we’ll see her again.

    Maybe Thredson will keep Lana alive so she can write his story?

  3. 3
    Miss Molly
    Posted November 18, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    I normally don’t approve of mints with wine – but when the mints are served in a skull bowl I make an exception.
    Jessica Lange is my spirit animal.

  4. 4
    annie anniedawg25
    Posted November 18, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    @ Miss Molly….I DO like the skull mint dish. I wonder if Martha Stewart has some tips on how to make one?
    The nipple lampshade though, ehhhhhhhh….I’ll pass.

  5. 5
    chooch850 chooch850
    Posted November 18, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    Oh I knew something was up with Skylar. He was just too “normal” for the show…. and when he had Tate (I really should learn his name THIS season) “confess” on tape, it was going to be his undoing.

    Jessica is the only reason I watch.

  6. 6
    plockeness monster plockeness monster
    Posted November 19, 2012 at 7:31 am

    This was an awesome episode, probably the best one of the season so far.

    I figured Threadson was Bloody Face when the guard met him at his car and he said something to the guard about never working there to begin with.

    Poor Grace! And Kit!

  7. 7
    KJN KJN
    Posted November 19, 2012 at 10:25 am

    I was watching some scenes from between my fingers, too! Particularly the lobotomy and when Lana was in Thredson’s house. I knew he was BF and I knew she was in for it, bad. Poor Lana. Do we know that Wendy is even dead? I really hope so, but I have a horrible feeling she’s not…and Lana is going to be witness to Thredson’s “work”. I think he really does want her to tell his story.

    This is the first time since the possession episode that I watched the show without reading the EW recap first. I usually can’t stand not knowing what’s coming cause I get too scared, but I couldn’t wait to find out. I was not disappointed. This episode definitely put the “horror” in AHS.

  8. 8
    plockeness monster plockeness monster
    Posted November 19, 2012 at 11:23 am

    KJN – Threadson basically told Lana that Wendy was dead. He said something about how he kept her body frozen until he could get Lana to his house b/c normally he would’ve skinned her already.

  9. 9
    juddfan juddfan
    Posted November 19, 2012 at 11:29 am

    How did I end up being the delicate flower in this group!!!! I was absolutely horrified . . . I can’t stand the thought of what’s going to happen to Lana . . . and I’ve seen plenty of horror in my day! It’s just women brutalized over and over on this thing . . . ugh!

    I’m with Ya AshSmash on your hating of Dr. T . . . OMG, I hate him so much . . . total transformation from Babe’s Farmer! He probably deserves an award too!

    I dunno, I’m not sure if I missed something or what, but how is it that Kit is being blamed for skinning his wife and being BF!? Was she not taken by aliens? Is she not that horrid, horrid lamp shade? Was she on the UFO? Did they sterilize Grace? I mean, WTF! Good luck making this all make sense, and I’m not even talking about future BF . . . who could be anyone . . . .

    I was also disappointed in Anne’s story . . . but no matter what her story is, Gruber seems to be a fact. I want the sister to nail him so hard!

    Gotta love that shade of lip stick! . . . Go Jude!

  10. 10
    KJN KJN
    Posted November 19, 2012 at 11:46 am

    Either way, alive or dead, Lana’s going to be part of something truly horrendous that’s going to happen to Wendy. *shudder*

    @juddfan I agree with you about Lana. It makes me feel sick, too. Especially cause he has someone she loves, which to me is so much worse than if it was just myself (which of course would be bad enough!). But, I have to see how it all ties together and if (I hope) she somehow survives. I hope the end to all this isn’t TOO bleak. I really hope at least some of the nasties get theirs in the end.

  11. 11
    juddfan juddfan
    Posted November 19, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    agreed, KJN! Poor Lana . . . in answer to the title, I don’t think Lana is ok . . . nor will she be!

    Kit could be cleared tho, if BF keeps killing, and why arrest him again, isn’t he already arrested!?

    Maybe Alma will come back, that would be nice.

  12. 12
    KJN KJN
    Posted November 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    I’m afraid that it won’t end well for Lana, either. I just hope someone (maybe Jude?), somehow brings down/gets revenge on at least a couple of these heinous men. I like my horror stories to have a hero, lol.

    I’m also holding out hope for Alma. Actually, for Kit and Alma together.

  13. 13
    plockeness monster plockeness monster
    Posted November 19, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    I really hope Alma is pregnant by Kit, and not an alien.

    The fact that Threadson isn’t a doctor, makes the things he did to Lana in “therapy” that much more creepy…and the fact he is a serial killer that wears a skin mask.

  14. 14
    yeknom
    Posted November 21, 2012 at 11:11 am

    @Pillania That’s what I was thinking about Anne/Charlotte. Also BF told Lana he wanted her to write his story.

    @Plockness….RIGHT??? I hope Alma’s not pregnant by an alien, but I have a feeling she is! Grace too.

    I thought there was something off about Dr. Thredson this whole time….Kept telling Mr. Yeknom that he was the serial killer and was gonna put Kit in jail/asylum so he could keep killing. Poor, poor Lana.

    And poor Shelly. And those poor kids that saw her!!

    And what was UP with Anne/Charlotte’s husband watching her get a lobotomy?? (Told Mr. Yeknom he’d better not sit there watching me get lobotomized like that ass did!)

    This show is so good. When it’s over I cant wait for the new episode. So. Good.

    And just in case I havent’ said it before…..I love Jessica Lange. Love. Her.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.