American Idol Recap: Talent Impediments

And hey – since when do they get vocal coaches? Back in my day, contestants didn’t have vocal coaches during Hollywood Week, and they had to perform barefoot in the snow. Also, watching these rehearsals makes me feel old. When Idol started, I was in college, and younger than the vast majority of contestants. Now I’m too old to even audition, and sigh… let me take another sip of wine.

Okay! Feeling better. Better than “Country Queen” anyway, which is a group of three “artsy” (read: not necessarily straight) guys, along with one pudgy, obviously uptight, good-’ol-boy. They can’t see eye-to-eye and eventually give up their dancing and singing rehearsals. 

Performance day! Requisite montage of everyone waking up and getting ready, yada yada yada. Most of the guys didn’t get any sleep, and the judges pretend to show some concern. Seacrest fills us in on how big the stakes are. If they make it through group round, it’s on to the solo round. If not, they’re going home. Dunh dunh dunh. Can you feel the tension? Sigh.

First up is a group of guys all dressed in blue, including a guy who’s super short, and according to his doctors, it’s for no reason except that he lost the genetic lottery. They sing Queen’s “Somebody to Love,” and I approve of the song choice! Refreshing. As refreshing as a beverage from our favorite sponsor, Coca-Cola! The short guy delivers the most Adam Lambert-worthy yell into his microphone, and they have all done well, and obviously they all get to stay. Which is news that Nicki delivers in a kinda cute, kinda annoying fake British accent. 

“What shall we dyue, then? You cahn ahll staiy!”

Next group is up: Normal Hills. One of the guys was considered crush-worthy by Nicki when he auditioned in Chicago, and they chose the Four Tops’ “I’ll Be There.” They were in sync when they were rehearsing last night, step choreography and all, but Seacrest tells us that they’re not feeling so great this morning. Sure enough, they all seem to be totally off-key. Three of them claim to have never heard the song before, and even Australian Keith Urban thinks that’s crazy. Which it is. Only one of them is cut, and the one who unjustly makes it through is the one that Nicki wants to get with. 

So now there’s a trio of a skinny, awkward teenage kid with two very large dudes, and the teenage kid was sick the night before, and now they’re trying to rally, and they’re singing “Lazy Song” by Bruno Mars. They do an arrangement where it turns soulful and gospelly halfway through, and I like it. The skinny teenage kid still seems out of place, but okay. They get a standing ovation from the judges. They all get through.

Coming to FOX next Fall: Four and Half Men!