American Idol S12-E9 Recap: Lyrics Schmyricks…The Ladies Take On Hollywood

Recaps

By NouveauPoor | Sunday, February 17, 2013 | 12:32 am | 7 Comments
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Posted in: American Idol, Recaps

Group Round Takes Its Toll On The Ladies

Hey there, Gasmii! Did everyone have a happy made-up-holiday-to-convince-people-to-buy-cards-chocolate-and-jewelry? I so love that it’s named for a saint to make it seem less…profit-motivated.

I spent my Valentine’s Day being serenaded by the ladies of American Idol Season 12, who have descended upon Hollywood in an attempt to earn a spot to the semifinals. While it makes me feel very socially responsible to eschew the giant advertiser trap that is V-Day, I find it totally ironic that I’ve done so in order to watch product placement-heavy American Idol. I suddenly wish I had a Ford vehicle to run out to the store and grab a Coke.

Yeah, sure that’s “Coke” Mariah

The opening credits remind me of a city-sized laser light show focused solely on recreating jazzy school photo backgrounds from the late 1980s. Random geometric objects and former contestants assault my eyes, flying in and out of view. Twelve seasons and so much money to work with and this is the best your guys could come up with?

How am I unemployed?

This year’s crop of female vocalists is extremely talented, with 173 golden tickets having been given out to ladies during auditions. To rise to the top of this estrogen-laden group of dreamchasers, the contestants tonight must make it through two rounds. In the first round, the girls take the stage in groups of ten’ish, with each having the chance to sing one more song for the judges. If they make it through that line up it’s on to the dreaded Group Round, where four-girl teams have less than 24 hours to pick a song, find harmonies, and choreograph a routine. Let the games begin!

First up in Round 1 is a group including three girls we met during auditions. Mariah Pulice is a 19-year-old restaurant hostess who credits music with aiding her tough recovery from anorexia. Interesting career choice. Kind of like a recovering alcoholic bartender.

If you don’t send me through I may relapse. No pressure.

Angela Miller, 18, also appears to be in the restaurant biz, although the “food services” label makes it sound like she provides services for different high-maintenance foods instead of actually serving food herself.

Those truffles are so demanding

Finally we have Victoria Acosta, 20, who does a decent enough job with “Killing Me Softly” that I don’t find myself wishing for someone to kill me softly, so there’s that. Victoria may not even need Idol, as she’s already a mariachi singer back in San Antonio.

I’m just so over trumpets blaring in my ear

We don’t get to see all the girls sing, but when they’re finished the judges (sans Randy who is apparently off in the recording studio) deliberate and ask certain girls to step forward, including Angela and Victoria. Mariah remains in the back row. The moment of truth finally comes when the ladies are told that the front row is moving forward, while the journey for the back row has sadly come to an abrupt end. Mariah is pretty much inconsolable.

And I guess this won’t help her like it would me

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NouveauPoor

Shrunk right out of the middle class, NouveauPoor is a former full-time patent attorney in her third year of severe underemployment.  Following a tough decision to stop paying for cable, she found solace in TVgasm recaps and is thrilled to become a part of such a talented team of snark.  She is currently living in Las Vegas with her three-year-old daughter.

7 Comments

  1. 1
    Considerthis
    Posted February 17, 2013 at 7:48 am

    I thought American Idol was going to be discreet and sneaky in it’s agenda to have a female winner – guess not.

    What will they do if a Transgender wins?

  2. 2
    itchy itchy
    Posted February 17, 2013 at 9:52 am

    “Shim” is great. I’m pretty sure that’s going to become more and more necessary in this oh-so-progressive times. But that Kezblah really annoyed the fuck out of me. She’s probably pretty decent doing her thing, which is the opposite of the Idol karoake concept. Makes you wonder what the hell she’s doing there? I’m guessing some producer paid her to show up.

    Morgan Leigh Boberg describes herself as an ‘unconditional lover.’ so. Yes! She’s got my vote already.

    Shira had a hit record in Israel, which explains the ‘tude. Don’t know why she’s allowed on Idol though. And she needs to do a lot more work on pronunciation anyway. Next!

    You forgot one of the standouts (for me, anyway) — beautiful black girl with a mohawk thing with a great raspy voice. Hope she stays in there.

    Yes, Idol’s desperate for a female winner. But they’re going to end up with a cute(ish) male country singer strumming a guitar anyway. Give it up, Idol! Amurrica knows what it wants!

  3. 3
    OhYeahMeToo
    Posted February 17, 2013 at 5:24 pm

    I am not an Idol watcher and just thought I would read the recap from the posted photo… I DO love a train wreck. I have not finished the recap but have already laughed hysterically ( and to the point of personal embarrassment ) over MiniPoor, NakieDance, and CPS….I think I love you !

  4. 4
    itchy itchy
    Posted February 18, 2013 at 12:58 am

    The comments in the latest Idol recap are broken? So we don’t get to bitch about what a fucking waste of time the last episode was? Why does this show insist on NOT showing us most of the singers who might eventually have a shot at the competition? Since it’s a singing show after all. Stupid stupid show.

    Idol’s format sucks. Why do they waste 5 weeks on those ridiculous auditions, most of which consist of allowing people to make fools of themselves in front of the camera? Things only get interesting with Hollywood Week, but then they don’t even bother to show 1/10 of the competitors.

    And they’ll end up picking the most boring of the bunch for the live shows. And the first finger-at-the-sky-pointin’ country singer will win anyway.

    Here’s hoping people get behind that trainwreck who played the drums this week. What’s her name? Shoanette? What a fucking joke she was. Guess they couldn’t keep TWO freaks though.

  5. 5
    NouveauPoor
    Posted February 18, 2013 at 3:32 pm

    Ha ha @itchy it’s ZOANette. ?!? I haven’t seen Idol since I was conned into taking my then-husband’s 14yo daughter to see the Season 2 tour. I’m poised to take over recapping duties once the four-month-long auditions are finally over so this was a good assignment to catch up a little bit. Wonder why the comments are broken?

    Shim is actually straight from the mouth of that now 22-year-old ex-stepdaughter. She’s pretty great. :-)

    I can’t believe I missed someone! I hope Mohawk made it to the semis!

    @OYMT – oh thank you so much!!! I’m new around here and I really do appreciate the love. :-) . I’d write more now but I’m furiously cleaning the house in case someone finally takes “I’M SCARED OF THR NAKIE DANCE!” the wrong way and CPS shows up…

  6. 6
    itchy itchy
    Posted February 18, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    I think Mohawk girl had the best voice of the bunch AND she was beautiful. But obviously the producers have already decided which girls they’re pimping for the win, and she’s not one of them. Shame.

    I’m sticking with Shoanette. It’s Shit-ona-nette. Because that woman is just tragic. Idol is really really sinking low there.

  7. 7
    Delisha
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    Kez Ban, well she is on her own level. I’m not implying that she is not talented I just think that she has thing where she just has to do her own thing. From what I saw in a clip in my office, it’s pretty hit and miss. Anyone who watched her first audition knows that she was great and by the time it came down to her solo she completely missed the mark. I think she just lost everyone with where she wanted the song to go.

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