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Sunday, February 17, 2013
12:32 am
7 Comments
Zoanette Johnson, 20, hails from Tulsa, Oklahoma, which I did not expect. She is a “habilitation specialist,” which I’m pretty sure isn’t a thing? Between this and food services, it’s possible Idol should stop letting the contestants word their own career descriptions.
Oh hey – joke’s on me. I just looked it up and apparently habilitation specialists are caregivers for disabled people. You learn something new every day. And also I’m ripping on a chick who helps people that can’t help themselves, whereas I spend my time mocking reality TV participants. Thanks for pointing out what a horrible person I am, Idol.
I’m no doctor, but Zoanette seems really bipolar to me. She goes from wildly cheering in the audience during round 1:
Mania is so fun!
to openly weeping during rehearsals with this season’s new Vocal Coach:
This…not so fun.
I guess it’s possible she drank way too much Red Bull early on and crashed in the wee hours, but it’s a pretty big turn around either way.
Unsurprisingly, Kez’s group, aptly named The Misfits, are WAY behind. It took them forever to choose a song, as Kez was adamant they sing a certain song and refused to do any other. Also, Kez’s vocal chords are shot due to the incessant screaming for other competitors during round 1. Or maybe s/he was just screaming to stop the voices in her head.
While The Misfits are with the vocal coach, Kez repeatedly hawks really loud loogies and spits up all the crap in her throat and just generally continues to be insane. Even the vocal coach is irritated; we see him mouth “OH MY GOD” with raised eyebrows and crazy eyes to the camera during one loogie expelling event. Eventually Kez abandons the group to go and eat dinner showing that she’s about as much of a team player as a Republican in Congress.
After a commercial, we see cameramen knocking on hotel room doors waking up contestants who have slept for 45 minutes or an hour and a half or not at all. Kez has a camera in her face and is clearly not a morning person.
S/he asks them to turn the camera off for just a second but apparently the 37 pages of release forms she signed to be on the show means they don’t have to because they don’t oblige. So s/he runs to the sliding door (they still have those in hotels?), sticks her rear end out, and lets out a very unladylike flatulation. I guess if you’re going to try and make it to the semifinals based on your extremely bizarre personality you may as well go for broke.
Everyone is stressed out and there are a LOT of tears. The judges drive up in Fords and head to their Coke glasses at the judges table so we know we’re ready.
Our first quartet of the day is the Swagettes, who come on stage each carrying a ginormous mom purse.
What’s with the bags, ladies?
7 Comments
I thought American Idol was going to be discreet and sneaky in it’s agenda to have a female winner – guess not.
What will they do if a Transgender wins?
“Shim” is great. I’m pretty sure that’s going to become more and more necessary in this oh-so-progressive times. But that Kezblah really annoyed the fuck out of me. She’s probably pretty decent doing her thing, which is the opposite of the Idol karoake concept. Makes you wonder what the hell she’s doing there? I’m guessing some producer paid her to show up.
Morgan Leigh Boberg describes herself as an ‘unconditional lover.’ so. Yes! She’s got my vote already.
Shira had a hit record in Israel, which explains the ‘tude. Don’t know why she’s allowed on Idol though. And she needs to do a lot more work on pronunciation anyway. Next!
You forgot one of the standouts (for me, anyway) — beautiful black girl with a mohawk thing with a great raspy voice. Hope she stays in there.
Yes, Idol’s desperate for a female winner. But they’re going to end up with a cute(ish) male country singer strumming a guitar anyway. Give it up, Idol! Amurrica knows what it wants!
I am not an Idol watcher and just thought I would read the recap from the posted photo… I DO love a train wreck. I have not finished the recap but have already laughed hysterically ( and to the point of personal embarrassment ) over MiniPoor, NakieDance, and CPS….I think I love you !
The comments in the latest Idol recap are broken? So we don’t get to bitch about what a fucking waste of time the last episode was? Why does this show insist on NOT showing us most of the singers who might eventually have a shot at the competition? Since it’s a singing show after all. Stupid stupid show.
Idol’s format sucks. Why do they waste 5 weeks on those ridiculous auditions, most of which consist of allowing people to make fools of themselves in front of the camera? Things only get interesting with Hollywood Week, but then they don’t even bother to show 1/10 of the competitors.
And they’ll end up picking the most boring of the bunch for the live shows. And the first finger-at-the-sky-pointin’ country singer will win anyway.
Here’s hoping people get behind that trainwreck who played the drums this week. What’s her name? Shoanette? What a fucking joke she was. Guess they couldn’t keep TWO freaks though.
Ha ha @itchy it’s ZOANette. ?!? I haven’t seen Idol since I was conned into taking my then-husband’s 14yo daughter to see the Season 2 tour. I’m poised to take over recapping duties once the four-month-long auditions are finally over so this was a good assignment to catch up a little bit. Wonder why the comments are broken?
Shim is actually straight from the mouth of that now 22-year-old ex-stepdaughter. She’s pretty great.
I can’t believe I missed someone! I hope Mohawk made it to the semis!
@OYMT – oh thank you so much!!! I’m new around here and I really do appreciate the love.
. I’d write more now but I’m furiously cleaning the house in case someone finally takes “I’M SCARED OF THR NAKIE DANCE!” the wrong way and CPS shows up…
I think Mohawk girl had the best voice of the bunch AND she was beautiful. But obviously the producers have already decided which girls they’re pimping for the win, and she’s not one of them. Shame.
I’m sticking with Shoanette. It’s Shit-ona-nette. Because that woman is just tragic. Idol is really really sinking low there.
Kez Ban, well she is on her own level. I’m not implying that she is not talented I just think that she has thing where she just has to do her own thing. From what I saw in a clip in my office, it’s pretty hit and miss. Anyone who watched her first audition knows that she was great and by the time it came down to her solo she completely missed the mark. I think she just lost everyone with where she wanted the song to go.