American Idol S12-E9 Recap: Lyrics Schmyricks…The Ladies Take On Hollywood

Recaps

By NouveauPoor | Sunday, February 17, 2013 | 12:32 am | 7 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: American Idol, Recaps

The next group we see is Urban Hue: Tenna Torres, 28, Kiara Lanter, 21, Seretha Guinn, 26, and some Asian girl.

Urban Hue: Random Asian girl, Tenna, Seretha and Kiara

Seretha brought her daughter into her audition in Charlotte, which I really thought was a huge no-no as far as interviews go. The ladies give Estelle’s “American Boy” a try, and they’re not good.

When they’re done, Keith says “Is it finished?” with Nikki shooting back “I hope so.” Then she tells the ladies “That was so painful. What was that?” Nikki says that Tenna is the only one that gave a decent performance, but they still send through everyone except Seretha, admonishing them all to step it up big time.

Hey look who decided to show up for work!

Why do I always have to sit by Mariah?

Man, I had a No Moonlighting clause in my last employment contract; I really don’t get why Randy can just go off and do other things instead of taking a Ford to the auditorium so he can sit in front of a Coke glass and listen to karaoke.

Zoanette’s group, The Poohsnaps, is up next. In addition to our self-deemed “overpassionate” Zoanette, we have Erin Christine, 26, Lauren Bettes, 20, and the one-named ISABELLE.

The Poohsnaps: Zoanette, Lauren, Erin and Isabelle.

Erin lists her career as “Wedding Singer” and I’m wondering if a wedding singer on Idol is akin to a cruise ship culinary specialist on Top Chef. Zoanette has made an interesting costume selection, choosing a tank top and short shorts when her body would be best suited covered in more fabric. Her thighs look ready to act like Carrie Underwood’s Grammy dress/light show screen.

Put those away!

It’s not even like she’s that big; she’s just really poorly dressed for her body type.  At any rate, the girls sing “Knock On Wood” and Zoanette, Erin and ISABELLE make it through, while Lauren is sent packing.

The next group includes music teacher Liz Bills, 27, and three ladies who hate her, Shira Gavrielov, 23, Alisha Dixon, 23, and Courtney Calle, 16. Liz hasn’t been a very good team player, eventually abandoning her group to go get some sleep.

It’s another “Nakie Dance” and they’re also awful. Half-shaved head Alisha is the worst. No wait, it’s actually Tuxedo Chick Shira. She’s horrible. They totally don’t know the song, and even if they did they’re just plain bad at singing.

The Group With No Name: Shira, Liz, Courtney and Alisha

What are they even doing in that picture? After it’s over, the judges deliberate and decide to only take through…Liz! Ha! The other three girls are shocked. Shira even comes back on stage to ask the judges for an explanation, and it’s as uncomfortable as it usually is when someone thinks they’re really good at something when they actually kind of stink.

I don’t get it. I’m an awesome singer. Why didn’t you pick me?

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NouveauPoor

Shrunk right out of the middle class, NouveauPoor is a former full-time patent attorney in her third year of severe underemployment.  Following a tough decision to stop paying for cable, she found solace in TVgasm recaps and is thrilled to become a part of such a talented team of snark.  She is currently living in Las Vegas with her three-year-old daughter.

7 Comments

  1. 1
    Considerthis
    Posted February 17, 2013 at 7:48 am

    I thought American Idol was going to be discreet and sneaky in it’s agenda to have a female winner – guess not.

    What will they do if a Transgender wins?

  2. 2
    itchy itchy
    Posted February 17, 2013 at 9:52 am

    “Shim” is great. I’m pretty sure that’s going to become more and more necessary in this oh-so-progressive times. But that Kezblah really annoyed the fuck out of me. She’s probably pretty decent doing her thing, which is the opposite of the Idol karoake concept. Makes you wonder what the hell she’s doing there? I’m guessing some producer paid her to show up.

    Morgan Leigh Boberg describes herself as an ‘unconditional lover.’ so. Yes! She’s got my vote already.

    Shira had a hit record in Israel, which explains the ‘tude. Don’t know why she’s allowed on Idol though. And she needs to do a lot more work on pronunciation anyway. Next!

    You forgot one of the standouts (for me, anyway) — beautiful black girl with a mohawk thing with a great raspy voice. Hope she stays in there.

    Yes, Idol’s desperate for a female winner. But they’re going to end up with a cute(ish) male country singer strumming a guitar anyway. Give it up, Idol! Amurrica knows what it wants!

  3. 3
    OhYeahMeToo
    Posted February 17, 2013 at 5:24 pm

    I am not an Idol watcher and just thought I would read the recap from the posted photo… I DO love a train wreck. I have not finished the recap but have already laughed hysterically ( and to the point of personal embarrassment ) over MiniPoor, NakieDance, and CPS….I think I love you !

  4. 4
    itchy itchy
    Posted February 18, 2013 at 12:58 am

    The comments in the latest Idol recap are broken? So we don’t get to bitch about what a fucking waste of time the last episode was? Why does this show insist on NOT showing us most of the singers who might eventually have a shot at the competition? Since it’s a singing show after all. Stupid stupid show.

    Idol’s format sucks. Why do they waste 5 weeks on those ridiculous auditions, most of which consist of allowing people to make fools of themselves in front of the camera? Things only get interesting with Hollywood Week, but then they don’t even bother to show 1/10 of the competitors.

    And they’ll end up picking the most boring of the bunch for the live shows. And the first finger-at-the-sky-pointin’ country singer will win anyway.

    Here’s hoping people get behind that trainwreck who played the drums this week. What’s her name? Shoanette? What a fucking joke she was. Guess they couldn’t keep TWO freaks though.

  5. 5
    NouveauPoor
    Posted February 18, 2013 at 3:32 pm

    Ha ha @itchy it’s ZOANette. ?!? I haven’t seen Idol since I was conned into taking my then-husband’s 14yo daughter to see the Season 2 tour. I’m poised to take over recapping duties once the four-month-long auditions are finally over so this was a good assignment to catch up a little bit. Wonder why the comments are broken?

    Shim is actually straight from the mouth of that now 22-year-old ex-stepdaughter. She’s pretty great. :-)

    I can’t believe I missed someone! I hope Mohawk made it to the semis!

    @OYMT – oh thank you so much!!! I’m new around here and I really do appreciate the love. :-) . I’d write more now but I’m furiously cleaning the house in case someone finally takes “I’M SCARED OF THR NAKIE DANCE!” the wrong way and CPS shows up…

  6. 6
    itchy itchy
    Posted February 18, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    I think Mohawk girl had the best voice of the bunch AND she was beautiful. But obviously the producers have already decided which girls they’re pimping for the win, and she’s not one of them. Shame.

    I’m sticking with Shoanette. It’s Shit-ona-nette. Because that woman is just tragic. Idol is really really sinking low there.

  7. 7
    Delisha
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    Kez Ban, well she is on her own level. I’m not implying that she is not talented I just think that she has thing where she just has to do her own thing. From what I saw in a clip in my office, it’s pretty hit and miss. Anyone who watched her first audition knows that she was great and by the time it came down to her solo she completely missed the mark. I think she just lost everyone with where she wanted the song to go.

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