All the judges love Charlie. Oh, there’s that makeup artist again. How did she get in there? Oh, that’s Mariah?
Golden ticket for Charlie! Yeah!
The Keebler Elf goes to the holding pen room. We meet Maddie Assel and her grandmother who “nominated” her. We also see footage of Randy stopping by to say hi.
In the audition room, Maddie sings O Darling, by the Beatles. Way too many vocal “tricks” for my taste – just sing the damned song and stop with all the schtick! Keith asks Maddie who influenced her singing style. She says Beyonce and Adele and sounds like neither. Keith says that’s a good thing. For the first time, I question his judgment.
My prediction: She’ll lose those glasses by week 3.
The Captain likes Maddie. Mariah doesn’t seem to know what’s going on.
Is this Earth?
Maddie goes to Hollywood, of course.
Commercial. Jambalaya time!
Tonight I’m a gonna see my machez amio.
We’re back. Time for one of the obligatory montages of people who are completely devoid of all talent. Just when my eardrums start to bleed, we meet Paul Jolley. Paul’s sings I Won’t Let Go by Rascall Flats. The judges like his singing.
Not bad on the eyes, either.
And yes, Paul gets a golden ticket.
Commercial. Still hungry?
Dress in style, go hog wild!
We’re back. The judges are bored and tired, and Ryan says it will take someone “very special” to wake them up. In comes Christopher Parthou. He’s full o’ energy and badly bleached hair. “Special”, all right.
Chris says he has an alter ego, whom he hasn’t named yet. The Captain suggests “Mushroom”, which Randy shortens to “Shroom”. Ah, I’m sure the friendly folks in the asylum will come up with a better one. Chris then leads a discussion of astrological signs.
Anyone have any anti-fungal spray?
Chris finally says he’s doing If I Had You by Adam Lambert. And then he “sings”.
Hot mushroom action.
And then he does this, which is either his interpretation of “dancing”, or a seizure. I really couldn’t tell the difference.
As Keith acerbically comments, “I like the keys that song was in”. I’m really growing to love Keith.
You’re just not fair dinkum, mate.
Keith says no. Mariah snaps out of her coma and also says no. The Captain says she has special powers when she wears her blanket (WTF?) and rubs her hands on Chris’ hair like he’s a troll doll. But it’s still a no.