American Idol: Top Three Elimination Recap

Recaps

By ApplePie | Sunday, May 20, 2012 | 11:38 am | 13 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , ,
Posted in: American Idol, Recaps

Uh-oh … our opening montage is a combo of Paul Simon’s Home with slo-mo videos of the Final Three performing in their hometowns.  I never realized how ugly all three of them look while singing until AI slowed down the footage for me.  Thanks for that!  Also, what’s with the pirate map they keep flashing to?

… to find the buried treasure in Arkansas!

I guess this makes sense; it is The Diamond State.

Now they show us all three of them, looking sad and lonely.  Buck up, kids, you only have a 33% chance of being even sadder and lonelier at the end of this evening.

So this gay black preacher’s kid, a homeschooled Filitina, and a pothead pawn shop clerk walk into a bar …

 Yet another disappointing entrance by the judges, but J-Lo has outdone herself with her outfit for the penultimate week of this season of AI.

 Did Max & Emme design this dress?

 And the suckage in front of my eyeballs and earholes for the next minute takes my breath away:

 Adam Lambert is here!

Whaddya want from me?  I want you and Sauli to move to Finland … and get haircuts.

 Lisa Marie Presley is here!

 Unless you’re holding a séance to contact your ex-husband and/or your father, I don’t want you on my television.

Your final three are singing “Got To Get You Into My Life” by The Beatles!

There weren’t enough #1 songs by The Beatles to choose from?

 Ahhh, they picked this song because it features a brass section, and they had to give P.P.’s sax player some more screen time.  You know what I’m talking about, Itchy, don’t you?

 Some of those band geeks turn out to be hot grown-up musicians.  “SAX” is only one letter away from …

 Meh.  The song is no bueno, but the singing is okay.

 On to the Ford commercial, in which P.P.’s absence is more than a little awkward since there’s only three of them now.  All of you Gasmii AI fans probably already know this, but I just found out from multiple sources online that he has kidney stones and has been allowed to rest instead of participate during the Ford shoots.  That sounds mighty suspicious to me, but now I feel bad for making fun of this face …

I’m in pain, damn it!

 I think “has kidney stones” is code for:  Philip’s dad drives a Chevy and brought the sidearm to P.P.’s contract negotiations.

 Josh drags his ass to center stage to find out if he made it first.  We get to watch a video package from last night’s three performances, spliced with Jimmy Iovine’s personal analysis.  Jimmy bitched about each song, which surprised the hell out of me.  He even blames himself, saying he should have picked a song for Josh with more “melody”, but it’s hard to worry about song when you spend all your time picking out your sweet, sweet wardrobe.

 #telljimmytostopshoppingindumpsters

 Ah, fuck you for tricking us, Tweecrest.  He sends Josh back to the Shame Stools without finding out anything.  Who’s next up in the Jimmy Lashing?

 Oh, we don’t get to find out yet.  We get to watch yet another commercial, this one a fusion of Ford and Ice Age: Continental Drift, in which J-Lo voices a saber-toothed tiger.  The finalists make a visit to the movie’s soundtrack studio so they can hang out with Ester Dean and sing backing vocals on one of her songs.  But something’s wrong with this picture ….

 Miss me yet?

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13 Comments

  1. 1
    itchy itchy
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Hot Sax Girl can try as much as she likes, she’ll never make playing the saxophone sexy. It’s not like it’s a cello, you know.

    I was happy to see Josh go because I just couldn’t stand his style of female scream-singing for much longer. His album is going to be in the shape of a giant hammer. Seriously. Go back and listen to all of his performers in a row, one after another, from the very beginning. They’re all the same.

    At least this way, we’ll get to see Phil drop that stone on live tv.

  2. 2
    cherrylipgloss
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    I have to believe the map has something to do with pirates, which is somehow related to Disney, which can easily be associated with cheesy cruises, which is exactly where the three of these fianlists are bound….on the ocean, on a cruise ship, singing their hopeful little hearts out in some 80′s revue. I’ve thought of this season’s contestants too cruisy since the get-go….especially Jessica (poor soul…and they just kept eggin’ her on)

  3. 3
    melange
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 12:32 am

    That girl Ester was somehow bizarrely a caricature of herself. (How is that possible, if this is the first time we’ve met her?) Also, with the Twizzler, I kept waiting for her to morph into Dr. Walter Bishop. They would totally pull that shit on Fringe!

    I still love me some day-glo Adam Lambert. He deserves better material. So funny to see that he still sticks his tongue out when he sings falsetto – a bad habit built into his technique, but whatever works!

    Joshua is quite a singer, but the man has no subtlety. Subtlety like a braying donkey. He idolizes Fantasia, but she has more control in her little fingernail than he does in his whole, uh, package.

    I’m surprised PP requires surgery, usually they can break the little suckers up with ultrasound. It must be pretty bad. I don’t think he can blame the atonality on pain, though. It’s been there since the beginning.

  4. 4
    hot cawfee
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 4:43 am

    Sadly Phil will win this “contest”. That smug, self-satisfied-one-trick-pony performer.
    I have cut back watching as my faves–Elise, Skylar and girl who got the make-over (Elyse????) left. I loved Joshua–would have liked to hear a little Jackie Wilson from him.

  5. 5
    itchy itchy
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 5:17 am

    I think the kidney stones are just a side-effect of PP’s actual medical problem. Don’t remember what that is though. Still doesn’t excuse his habit of butchering melodies.

  6. 6
    NatPatBen NatPatBen
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 10:25 am

    @hot cawfee, I hadn’t thought of that, but now that you say it, I bet Joshua would sound great singing Jackie Wilson. I did agree with Randy that he was a throwback to the kind of R&B not heard much today, which could stand to come back with its milder lyrics than today’s x-rated music.

  7. 7
    leslilly
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    Damn, I did a little research too and learned that PP has had 5 kidney stone procedures? surgeries? since Oct ’11. Supposedly his dr’s wanted him to quit the competition so he can immed have surgery, but he refused. He has looked pretty pale..poor guy.

  8. 8
    leslilly
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    I couldn’t freaking believe that Jessica did a run even during her Ice Age song moment. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

  9. 9
    itchy itchy
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    Vocal diarrhea?

  10. 10
    leslilly
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 4:03 am

    Exactly, itchy. She needs some immodium, stat.

  11. 11
    leslilly
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 4:41 am

    Josh’s bulge has its own fan club? Wow, how in the world did I miss his bulge…never noticed it.

    That last picture makes me uncomfortable. Steven Tyler looks like he’s frottering Jessica. Ick

  12. 12
    itchy itchy
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 7:34 am

    Assuming you’re female, leslilly, that bulge isn’t really meant for you anyway.

  13. 13
    leslilly
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    Itchy! hahahaha! am dying here :) I am a woman, for sure – and you’re right, Josh’s bulge isn’t for me. BUT, I do assess noticeable bulges – purely for aesthetic reasons.

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