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This … is Episode THIRTY-SEVEN of Season 11? Holy Shitballs! This “reality” show needs to self-edit, although all the ad money from the extra episodes DOES pay J-Lo millions so she can dress like this.
This … opening reminds me vaguely of my two-photos-in-one third grade picture (and everyone else’s who was in elementary school in the 80’s).
All the audience looks fake-glad to be there, except HeeJun Han and his severe I’m-very-melancholy haircut.
Ryan makes some inane programming announcement about switching broadcasting days from Wednesday and Thursday to Tuesday and Wednesday next week, just in time for the finale. Why? Is the President going to make another dramatic policy announcement on Thursday the 24th?
The Final Three come out, none of them looking particularly glorious:
So, tonight, the 3 will be singing 3 songs … how apropos. 1st Song: Judges’ Pick (will definitely suck). 2nd Song: Singer’s Pick (will probably suck). 3rd Pick: Jimmy Iovine’s Pick (audience/voter reaction to this one will determine whether winner’s first single will be this song or an original one).
Randy picked some Etta James song for Joshua, who’s up first, but I’m not listening to Randy’s blitherty-blather explanation because I’m fascinated by his fug-assy timepiece. Gasmii, it’s a pocket watch and he’s wearing it on his lapel. Did he spill the mustard?
Joshua does not break us in gently with I’d Rather Go Blind. Singing comes as naturally as breathing to this guy. I think this sounds better than the original (I’m not going to bother to check Itunes and find out, though). Can we just listen to him the whole two hours?
Joshua Assessment Song 1
Steven: Joshua, you are amazing.
J-Lo: We feed you, you feed us. You brought down the house.
Randy: I refuse to make sense. [DRINK!]
J-Lo tells us she picked I’d Give My All by Mariah Carey for Jessica’s first song. Of course you did. Ugh. Jessica does not surprise me with her phenomenal talent, her pronunciation of “drowning” as “drownding” (REALLY?), her gargling mouthwash vocal technique (is that a “run” or a “vibrato” or just an annoying tic?), or her waaaaaaaay too adult stage presence.
Jessica Assessment Song 1
Randy: Name Drop [DRINK!] You nailed it.
J-Lo: America, vote for this Fabulous Filipina or I’ll cut a bitch.
Steven: You will win.
Steven tells us he picked Beggin’ by Madcon for “Phil” Phillips to see if he would fuck it up. Let’s see if he can … yep.