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Friday, May 18, 2012
9:14 am
11 Comments
Tagged: american idol, drink!, Filipina, flipit, sparkle, tvgasm, wild turkey
This guy has so much talent but he wastes it in favor of what HE believes his “talent” is. Hey, P.P., just sing the song. You have a great voice … don’t “make it your own”. And since we’re discussing your over-wrought performance choices, don’t hold the guitar like you’re Dave Matthews’s bastard kid.
It’s not a bucking bronco, it’s a musical instrument. Tilt the neck down a bit, Tiger.
Hot Tip: Constipation Face does not make the tweens cry. It scares them.
Phil Assessment Song 1
J-Lo: Why did you fuck with the song? [Your performance] was great.
Steven: Write your own songs. Then no one will know how badly you fuck a song up. Plug my upcoming album.
Randy: You are in the Zone.
And I’m in the fucking Twilight Zone.
Filler … Seacrest asks each judge who won Round One so all the contestants have time to change for Round Two. I wonder what Tweecrest is thinking about during the non-lively banter …
Julianne better be wearing those cowboy boots with spurs and nothing else by the time I get home.
More filler … Joshua’s homecoming visit was memorable because he sold out the local arena, which was filled with both people he knew AND people he didn’t know.
Singing doesn’t require too many brain cells, thankfully.
The good people of Louisiana are also interested in classing up the judges’ outfits.
You think they sent the Coke cups some beads, too?
Package on Joshua’s trip home. He’s charming, especially when he talks about feeling safe with the police escort.
The only time Louisiana police officers have PROTECTED a black man.
We see Joshua’s church, which is small and pathetic, with a ramshackle exterior and even worse inside (it’s like a before picture on Extreme Makeover Holy Edition), but it’s full of love and crazy people.
In fact, his whole town is full of crazy people.
Bead throwing is very dangerous … especially for pirates.
I don’t think people drive cars in Westlake, Louisiana. They prefer parade floats.
Back to L.A., where Josh is singing Imagine. Color me surprised. Eeewww … I don’t like the musical arrangement, the performance, or the fedora-wearing piano player. This all screams “CRUISE SHIP!” Granted it’s Princess Cruises and not Carnival, but still …
Joshua Assessment Song 2
Steven: You are so fine.
J-Lo: (reads from her notes) You sing, you preach, you perform, you good.
Randy: What J-Lo said … word
Let’s go home with Jessica to San Diego, shall we?
Am I the first homeschooler to ride in a helicopter?
Cry, cry, never thought I’d make it this far …
I see Jessica’s arena is a tad bigger than Joshua’s.
Oh, snap, she’s only half Filipino. Her dad’s Hispanic. So she’s Filipanic? Hispino? Filitina?
A half-Asian took my votes? That is so messed up.
Oh, you don’t know the half of it, Hee Jun. She’s trying to steal the military vote, with a nod to her dad, who’s in the Naval RESERVES and has “spent time overseas”. Doesn’t count, bitch! (I say this ’cause I can, don’t worry). Guess what she’s singing? I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing.
I have no shame. If AI let me wear ads on my clothes like a UFC fighter, I would do it.
TV Social
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11 Comments
I believe that would be Hot Saxophone Chick you’re referring to there. She’s famous, you know. For being, well, hot.
Speaking of which, has anyone ever noticed that any time they bring out string instruments, and anytime they bring out any women playing an instrument, they’re always awesomely beautiful (not the instruments, the women)? And yet, my memories of our high school band had none of that.
I guess I’m super out of touch with music these days. I’ve never heard any of the songs PP sang nor the first song Joshua sang. I did enjoy PP’s last song.
Jessica singing My All made me realize how difficult that song is and how talented Mariah is (was?).
I wonder if his stage personality (when not singing) is Joshua’s real personality.
It’s hard to watch Philip try to sing straight – he looks like he’s having a very hard time keeping the pitch. Well, he doesn’t, actually. Maybe that’s why it is a struggle. Hell, maybe that’s why he does the whole weird Philip thing, as a work-around to his pitch issues.
Jessica also completely barfed the ending of “I don’t want to miss a thing” – the (very long) second to last note was way way off, but the judges thought it was the best part! The Mariah song was just awful. Pathetic, but that’s J-Lo’s fault really. Mariah, like Whitney, just made everything sound easy, and J-Lo isn’t talented enough to know the difference. Sigh, can we get an actual, trained singer for a female judge?
I think Philip will take his place as White Boy winner #5 next week, despite the tone-deafness.
I’m still sad Holly’s gone, and no recap of the ep either
@Melange, we’ll see if we can take care of that for you … Holly deserves a proper send-off with a recap. @NatPatBen, I highly recommend Bob Seger’s Greatest Hits. I can almost guarantee you you’ll find one song on that album that you like, or at least recognize from a Chevy commercial.
@itchy, you’re right. Female musicians don’t get enough credit for their talent nor their general hotness … and they have to come from somewhere, although the band geeks in my high school were not hot like that either. Perhaps these ladies are late bloomers. Sheila E is still going strong.
Was that Randy or Flava Flav???????
I agree that PP last song was awesome– I am a big Bob Seger fan and was glad he did the song justice b/c I am not a Phil fan
Before I read this recap, I have to ask two things:
1) Is Steven Tyler able to NOT say “completely over-the-top”?
2) And, when did “over-the-top” become a compliment?
@leslilly, Over-The-Top IS Steven’s favorite sexual position, so it’s always a compliment coming from him :0)
Apple Pie, heehee – love it! I don’t want to imagine him in the over-the-top position though. Has anyone seen Steven Tyler’s stupid Burger King (I think?) commercial? AI needs to overhaul the judge’s table big time. Don’t get me wrong – I love Aerosmith, especially their old stuff – but Steven Tyler spaces out half the time. I think he’s listening to the voices in his head and they’re saying OVER THE TOP! OVER THE TOP!
Itchy, back in the day, I was a cute first chair violinist in the orchestra, so they do exist in the schools
. But yeah, you’re right – they probably pick only the thin pretties to grace the stage for television. Which actually kinda sucks when you think about it..even the male musicians tend to be cookie-cutter attractive. Oh, that reminds me of the cute guy playing the fiddle when Skylar sang twice (a few weeks back). He was superb. I wonder who the hell he is and if he has any music out.
Oh, different show, but the “musicians” on The Voice cracked me up. They basically stuck a bunch of models on stilts, etc. behind the singers and put violins and guitars in their hands. They tried to look hot as they attempted to fake play. I’m not talking about the real band; just the peeps nearest the singers. At least with AI, the musicians on the stage are really playing.
I really like PP; I have to admit it. I don’t like some of the faces he makes or the straining. He sounds better when he just sings. But he’s new and he’s working it out. A couple weeks ago, he did a poor job on Time of the Season. Girls and women are definitely carrying him – he didn’t even wind up in the bottom two that week. I really am tired of the white boys winning (hated Scotty McCreepy last year), but I think Phillip deserves it this time because he’s different & interesting. I would like to see a girl win soon – but not Jessica. I was hoping for Joshua and Phillip to be the final two.
Excuse my babbling – I’m over-the-top!
NatPatBen: agreed – I didn’t know all the songs either (of course, they tweak them sometimes to be unrecognizable), so you’re not alone. We’ll be out of touch together
Melange – oh man, agreed 100%. Jessica sounded horrific at the end of the Mariah song. I have a theory. This set of AI judges mainly spouts out compliments at this stage of the game regardless of reality. I know they doled out some “meh” statements, but overall, they seem to gush when it gets to the final 3. If they tell the truth, what does that say about their talent-searching skills?
Geez, I can’t stop. I also meant to say that I miss Hollie as well.
Phil-phil ought to realize that winning idol will be the death of any hope he might have had to be taken seriously as a musician.
And his blah-bland-growly type of singing was already old in the 90s, I just don’t see him having that much impact as a pop artist.
So, yeah, I’m hoping he’ll win. The Sanchez girl, on the other hand, might have a chance at a career. She’s got a lot to learn, of course, but with the right handlers (and video director) she’ll go far.