Amish Mafia Recap: Hut Parties Sound Super Rad

Recaps

By AshSmash | Saturday, December 15, 2012 | 9:26 pm | 13 Comments
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Posted in: Amish Mafia, Recaps

Levi says John can throw the hut party. The mafia has this hut house with all this equipment for bangin parties. It’s like every college frat guy’s dream house. Except, this is the Amish. Ahem. We see that the parties are wild. I’m not shocked at all that these kids go hard. I mean, you shelter them from society so much they’ll eventually rebel. Parenting 101 with AshSmash. You’re welcome. Don’t take me seriously at all. I’d probably lay my baby down somewhere and forget where I put him or her. 

They charge for the hut parties and make a good amount of money. I’m jealous. Also, a lot of non Amish kids (english) show up to these parties too. I must say, I love the Amish girls party clothes. The long skirt says “Hey, I’m formal but I’m also here to party” 

“Look at how modest I am!! Can I do my sexy dance? I’ve only had one sip but I’m totally WA$TED”

Joe interviews about Rumspringa. It’s this time of year when Amish youngsters can go off and decide wether or not they want to live the Amish lifestyle. I highly doubt that my parents would just be strict all year round and then on this one day go “oh yeah, please go out and underage drink” Also, they’d make sure I tweeted about how schwasty pants I was getting with my girls intertwined with some LMFAO lyrics. SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS NO. 

This is my first party. How am I doing guys?

Esther goes off on some tangent about how she HATES english girls because we’re all slutty and our clothes don’t cover our boobs. Oh and we have no morals. Excuse me? Hey Esther, you’re at a level 10 and I need you to step off your pedestal down to a level 5. Don’t get your panties in a bunch over some random girl making out with your boooyyyyfriendddd, Joe. If you want him so bad, go stick your tongue down his throat. Stay classy, hut parties. 

Random Amish girls come up to some of the gang and stick their tongue down their throats. I thought these chicks were modest and wholesome? I’m terrified of guys, I couldn’t imagine just walking up to some guy and kissing him. They act all shy but they sure don’t seem too shy to make out with everyone and anyone. 

 John hops upstairs to make sure his scooter is okay, but finds that people are smoking “green corn” Or in the words of BABS from TM, WHEEEDDDDDD. Let us pause for a moment and ask ourselves a simple question. WWBD, what would Bahhhbra do? Well y’all, I can answer that myself. John should have marched in that room and gone “HIGH HIGH, YA BOTH HIGH” I would have just been giddy in my seat. But alas, John just keeps his mouth shut and decides to tell Levi.

Joe is out washing his nice ass truck, shirtless I may add, when Esther rolls up on her scooter. She quips to her brother that she thinks John is totes a hottie. I’m paraphrasing. John goes all big brother and doesn’t want her near Joe. Joe talking heads that he knows Esther has a crush on him. 

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AshSmash
About

Just your average college student with a guilty pleasure for reality TV. I love bacon and cheesy one liners. 

13 Comments

  1. 1
    plockness monster plockness monster
    Posted December 16, 2012 at 11:15 am

    How are they able to drive cars? I thought the Amish didn’t believe in them.

  2. 2
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted December 16, 2012 at 11:37 am

    Wait, but if these guys haven’t been baptized into the church, are they even really Amish?
    And how did they escape being baptized? After Rumspringa, don’t you get baptized automatically if you choose not to live like the English?

    Alvin is my favorite. Something is just so amusing about an Amish gangster with a bowlcut and a nice ass Mercedes. Like, if I was rolling down the road and that car pulled up beside me with Alvin at the wheel, I’d have to pull over to laugh in safety.
    It’s just so crazy.
    Jolin matches his truck perfectly. He should keep his glasses on at all times though. With them on, he kind of looks hot.
    As soon as he takes them off, I’m painfully reminded that he looks like some kind of rodent and is balding in the front.
    Maybe a weasel?

    Also, I wonder how rich Levi is really.
    I know Esther said he was the richest guy in Lancaster county, but given that most Amish aren’t wealthy and only have what they need to live, is he just rich in comparison to other Amish or is he legitimately rich? I guess he’s legitimately rich if he’s buying everyone nice ass cars, and all you have to do is ask him if you want one. Does he pay the insurance on the cars? Does he give them gas money, since they mostly drive to do stuff for him?

    And did anyone else feel like they were blowing the Alan thing out of proportion?
    He’s a bad ass dude, with his high speed chases and stuff, but I’m pretty sure the police don’t care what the Amish people are doing. I’m sure they have other things to deal with.
    And don’t police not have dominion over Amish matters? Don’t the Amish govern themselves and deal with law-breaking within their own community? What were they so scared about?

    I have so many questions!!

  3. 3
    cherry belle cherry belle
    Posted December 16, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    i miss breaking amish. it might’ve been faked a bit, but the people in it were WAY more interesting than these morons.

    plockness, mennonites can drive at all times – they have limited technology in their community – i learned that from breaking amish, lol – & amish kids can during rumspringa.

    i wish someone would explain the behavior at their hut party with all the kissing, because it’s super strange & the sort of thing that would happen during an orgy, not an amish party? it feels like there’s more going on behind that & that they possibly ARE having orgies behind closed doors? gross. or that the girls are borderline sex slaves? the men in the community are, to the point of their detriment (because come on, none of these people are genuises and none of them are ever going to truly be in a position of power), the reigning force so it wouldn’t surprise me at all if they do things like this with the women/girls.

    all these shows have done is make me dislike amish people even more than i did before … i don’t get why they’re all agreeing to it because all it is doing is showcasing how mind-numbingly stupid they are `! well i guess that can be said about all reality tv … but you’d think that people whom are so ‘holy’ wouldn’t be drawn to this?

  4. 4
    emily
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    There is a Irish Mafia reminds me of something i would see on SNL.

  5. 5
    Jenn
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 11:00 am

    AshSmash, no clue about your AHS recaps but this one on the Amish Mafia was hysterical! LOL I am watching this show because, to be honest, I simply can’t help myself….same thing as watching a car wreck or train crash…think its a “human nature” thing. I think Alvin is my favorite….maybe I’ve secretly loved bowl haircuts? Dudes named after, and who sound like, chipmunks? I definitely like the car though. Esther irritates me too actually. I mean, if Levi has a thing for her and he holds all the power, and its obvious she wants power, then hook up with the guy already! Everyone knows wives usually have the REAL power. Yeah, her brother’d be out of luck but he’s not real smart anyway.

  6. 6
    PaganSun
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Coming from Lancaster County I can say I have seen these people around the area dressed as Amish prior to any Amish TV shows …. but in reality there is no Amish Mafia, Fixers yes … but not church sanctioned – Amish Keg parties, Amish pot fields, cars, computers just about anything the English do the Amish will do. I’ve even seen Amish men going into porn stores. The show does give a more realistic look into Amish life than most documentaries on the Amish have done in the past – Historical perspective likes to whitewash and water down the realities of life this is open and raw and does give you more of a realistic view of the Amish. And yes there is some validity to the claim that if they were not baptized they are perhaps not actually Amish ..but they were raised within the Amish community.

  7. 7
    Jenn
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Okay, AshSmash, we NEED the last episode (#3?) recapped from your point of view, which I personally enjoy! I can’t wait to hear how you break it down! LOL

  8. 8
    AshSmash AshSmash
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    Working on it right now miss Jenn! I’ll try to have it up by tonight!

  9. 9
    Brad w12345
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Lol great read took me 20 mins to read it because I was laughing so hard the whole time. Definitely do one for episode 3 I’d like to hear your thoughts on the buggy contest Lmfao!

  10. 10
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    “I’ve even seen Amish men going into porn stores.”

    My mind is so blown right now.

  11. 11
    JT HUNT
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 4:36 am

    Alan is shwatz amish– speaking dutch because I don’t want you to know what I am saying!

  12. 12
    tami
    Posted January 16, 2013 at 1:43 pm

    they call him “Lebanon Levi” because he’s from Lebanon PA…….

  13. 13
    Jose Palamino
    Posted January 20, 2013 at 8:43 pm

    I was at the same bar Alvin was the night he got arrested for DUI. He was talking about being on a reality show in Pennsylvania.

    He can’t hold his booze. Very hammered. He puked and was told to leave.

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