Amish Mafia Recap: This Episode Was Brought To You By Tap-Out Clothing Gear and Other Douche-bags.

Recaps

By AshSmash | Saturday, December 22, 2012 | 6:00 am | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Amish Mafia, Recaps

Esther says that she used to have Levi wrapped around her finger. Used to, being the key word here. Check yourself, little girl. She goes to visit Levi in his weird barn office and Alvin leads her in. She sits down and asks Levi to reinstate the barn fights. About 2.5 seconds later, Levi agrees. He interviews that he knows John sent her there but he always makes time for Esther. Why? Do I even care? 

“Alvin tells me that you want to join the ‘My Little Pony Lovers Club’ Prove your love.”

Alvin interviews that Esther seems shady. Well said. My love for Alvin grows. You know how when the Grinch’s heart grows two sizes too big after he saves WhoVille? Well, that’s how I feel about Alvin. Like my Bowl cut has grown two inches too long after this interview. It’s a bowl cut filled with love and machine guns. Ahem. Levi and Alvin head outside to talk to Jo. They want Jo to fight for them so they can win and make a lot of money. Jo’s happy to do it because he loves fighting oh so much. Just slap on a MMA t-shirt on him and you’d have a picture of half the guys in my town. 

Lets speak in Dutch so they won’t know that we’re breaking the rules of fight club. 

Lots of people have been coming to see the Mafia for help, so the camera crew decides to stop on this one dude. Not only is face blurred out, but he also has his voice altered. Okay then. Random baratone, blurred out voice dude says that there is a stand near his house that sells food. Only problem is is that a regular person is dressing like the amish to sell them goods and is putting another family out of business. Levi, yet again says that no one messes with the Amish. Really?? Are you sure?? Because if nobody messed with the Amish, there would be no Mafia and there would be no TV show. Someone has to put gas in that Cadillac  You better be glad someone is there to conveniently re-enact a scene for the cameras. 

Anytrucks, Jo and Alvin go out to avenge the dreaded fake amish guy. Woah, when did Alvin have surgery to de-attach himself from Levi? Must of been during a commercial break. I needed some more Ben and Jerry’s anyways. Alvin hops out of the truck and starts talking to the fake amish guy in that dutch. Can he even understand it? Then it looks like Jo runs over the stand with his truck and we see this.

That’s codename for he’s dead.  

Pages: 1 2 3 4
AshSmash
About

Just your average college student with a guilty pleasure for reality TV. I love bacon and cheesy one liners. 

12 Comments

  1. 1
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 7:55 am

    Okay – I have to comment on the main photo. They look about as scary as four men waiting for a bus. That rifle doesn’t even look loaded.

    And I swear the second guy from the right is Governor Christie of New Jersey. What the hell is he doing in this show?

  2. 2
    Mummy Butterfly
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    AMISH MAFIA – FREE VIVI! Everyone in Ohio should FREE VIVI! Just saying…

    (Love the Recap!)

  3. 3
    LilOlMe
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    I LOVE your recaps so much. You nail everything I am thinking. I always have questions as I am watching and then I forget them maybe next week I will remember them. Oh yeah aren’t they only allowed to have facial hair if they are married? How is Johnny boy sporting the goatee? Does that fall under the umbrellas of Amish without being baptized?

    And thank the lord of butter that I am not the only one that wants to jump through my TV and smack the hell out of Esther. And am I the only one that think her head covering look like weird lumps on her head like really lumpy white horns?? And John is that annoying kid who is like yeah I’m gonna take over, you’ll see someday everyone will look up to me. He just seems like all the lights are on but nobody’s home to me.

  4. 4
    Hops
    Posted December 26, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Who keeps a desk in a barn? Can’t Levi find a nice house or some place less dusty to run his empire? Nothing says kingpin like “Let’s go in the barn and talk business.” It makes me think of playing pretend as kids.

  5. 5
    Jenn
    Posted December 27, 2012 at 10:28 am

    AshSmash…you’re the best! Please, stop warning Esther. I can’t take her whinning @ss so if she walks into a landmine of her own making, I want to see it happen. I hope she and her idiot brother both get dumped out on the curb. Better yet, I’d really like to see Alvin break out of his quiet mode and go psycho on John and then dump some intel about Esther and her shenangians to Levi, that he’s been holding back for the right moment. He may seem quiet and slow but I think he’s playing us…watch and see, he’ll end being the brains behind it all come the end. The one thing I am really hoping is that eventually, some amish/mennonite chick without her face blurred will come along, be their version of the Amish Giselle Bundchen and take all the attention away from Esther. I want to watch her cry while this chick helps Jolin wash his truck. LOL

  6. 6
    labowner
    Posted December 27, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Question do you think they go somewhere to watch themselves on TV?

  7. 7
    caligal
    Posted December 28, 2012 at 10:14 am

    John makes Fredo look like the smart Corleone.

  8. 8
    Jenn
    Posted December 28, 2012 at 10:49 am

    OMG….caligal, you’re so right on the money! John IS the Fredo of the Amish Mafia! LOL That’s priceless…I won’t be able to watch this show now without thinking that each time I see John.

  9. 9
    JT HUNT
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 4:01 am

    Did you guys know Levi Stoltzfus is 46 years old? And, he is cousins to Kate Stoltzfus of \Breaking Amish\

  10. 10
    JT HUNT
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 5:38 pm

    Ok, so I am told Levi is in his 30′s not 46. Ash–what about Esther’s babies!!!

  11. 11
    Dee Clarke
    Posted January 17, 2013 at 7:10 pm

    What is the significance of Merlin always wearing an Orange, short-sleeved shirt? I think the vest denotes his branch of the Amish (like the hat) but why the orange shirt?

  12. 12
    Fresno cali
    Posted February 4, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    Aint these pussys great to watcUh two wordss fukn hillarious

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.