It’s now John’s time to shine. You know he just hopped out of bed so giddy that morning. Like a kid on Christmas Eve. John heads over the the rented barn with some rather large dude to set up for the fight. They put down mats and lights and ropes and crap. Just as John is finishing up at the barn, good old Jo heads over to get himself “tatted” up. Now, I’m in college and down with all the hip lingo so let’s discuss the definition of being “tatted” up. Picture it: A white girl walks into a tattoo parlor and says “Can you put an infinity symbol on my foot with the word love in there somewhere?” She laughs to herself and thinks how original she is. While she’s waiting in the chair, she pulls out her iPhone 4S with a Juicy Couture phone case and tweets “Gettin’ tatted up! Can’t wait to show my gurlzzzz”
What was wrong with the statement above? Being “tatted” is having more than one tattoo. Hence, Jo.
AnyNeedles, Jo voice-overs that he likes tattoos as it’s a symbol of fierceness. I’m not even going to discuss what Esther says because whatever it is, is probably irrelevant. That tattoo healed pretty quick, because now Jo is at the gym workin’ on his MMA skills. He’s looks too skinny to fight anyone. I wonder if I could break him in half. Nahh. Levi goes to pick out Jo’s opponent and just winds up talking to blurred out faces.
Back from the commercial break. The guys do some talking head interviews about how much moolah they make at these barn fights. Well, I only hope that no one brings WHEEDDD to this fight or else I’ll have to sick Babs on ya.
Time for Jo to fight. Of course Esther’s there. Being as desperate as ever. Stay classy, homegirl. Oh and CHECK YOURSELF. Am I getting annoying yet? Well, not as much as Esther is. Jo wins the fight and the gang is stoked. Jo is stoked. Esther is ready to rip her dress off. What a glorious night in Lancaster. Jo goes out to his truck when lo and behold, desperate girl comes waltzing up. She interviews that she doesn’t know what compelled her to go out there. *Raises hand* Uhm, excuse me Esther, honey, bless your heart. I know why you went out there. YOU WANTED TO GET SOME. Don’t even try to deny. Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt. Sometimes I am just too much. I wonder why I’m single. (Rhetorical question)
Congrats. Esther’s your prize.
Johnny boy comes to deliver the money from the fight. Has anyone else noticed that when John interviews he looks like that guy in high school that tags around with the seniors? Like, he’s the JV football player who hangs out with the Varsity boys, but in reality they just use him. He’s always so proud of himself. I bet goes home everyday and says “Guess what mom! Levi let me run an errand today! Tomorrow he said he’ll give me a swirly. I wonder what that is, sounds like a delicious dessert treat!” I bet swirly’s would be nasty considering they don’t use indoor plumbing. Ew.
Just as John is leaving, Levi asks him if he knows a dude named Merlin. MERLIN. What kind of name is that. Merlin hails from Ohio. I wonder if he knows the Candy Apple’s Dance Studio? Free Vivi! Merlin is in charge of the Amish Mafia over in Ohio. What now there’s a chain? John lies through his teeth and says no, he doesn’t know of this Merlin creature.