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Saturday, October 27, 2012
4:05 pm
35 Comments
Tagged: Allissa, ANTM, Brianboy, brittany, Dance hall music, Darian, destiny, fugitive, funny, hypnotoad, Jamaica, jessie, Johnny Wujek, Jonte, Kelly Cutrone, Kiara, Konshens, Kristin, krump, laura, Leila, line dancing, luscious, Nastasia, recap, Rob Evans, tvgasm, tyra banks, Usain Bolt, Victoria, Watercooler, William Richards, Yvonne
Greetings Gasmii!
First off, I’d like to say thanks to Hypnotoad for filling in last week and doing an awesome job! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate a fellow Gasm team member who can somehow translate the ridonkulous that is the last vestiges of this show’s respectability and report it without committing suicide.
All hail the Hypnotoad!
This week picks up right where we left off. Tyra stands in front of 12 powerless women, holding their fate in her hands, eyes dancing with joy at the idea that she is about to crush 6 of them with the flick of her wig.
I wonder if her panties are damp.
Instead of just showing us who wins and allowing everyone else to commiserate in their loss together, the pictures fade out one by one as we see who got the lowest score (Destiny) followed by the second worst score (Darian).
The especially cruel countdown of doom.
As each girl’s dreams are dashed by their picture fading out, Tyra simply states, “Sorry Destiny” or “Sorry Darian.”
You can tell she means it.
By the time Yvonne’s image fades out, Tyra’s too exhausted with her adrenaline rush of dream crushing to muster more energy than a snide little “sorry.” She can’t even be bothered to barely whisper Yvonne’s name. Yvonne isn’t surprised that she won’t be invited back to the show. She sees through Tyra’s ruse.
Girlfriend’s on the bullshit task force.
Four names left and I’m happy to see that sweet Jessie, who never stood a chance, didn’t have her picture fade out first. Maybe she has a shot at a modeling career after all. With three names left still tallying scores, we are all shocked, including Brittanay (or however you spell it. Really people – who the hell cares if I misspell her name. Do you have any idea how much time it takes to wing one of these things out? Chick was never gonna be a real model so get over your OCD selves. *stepping off soapbox now*) to find that she is the next one to fade to black.
When you wish upon a star…
make sure it isn’t just a piece of space junk hurtling towards earth.
I won’t waste more of our time discussing how it is down to Allissa and Leila. We all know Leila is being brought back. After all, the producer’s can’t afford for anyone who actually has banked some scholarship money to win this thing.
The good news is that Tyra tells Allyssa she doesn’t need
this competition to make it in the industry.
Perhaps that is advice we should give all the girls.
No one squeals with delight as Leila is named the comeback girl.
In fact, Laura looks downright worried.
Tyra embraces Leila and welcomes her back to the competition. When Leila profusely thanks her, Tyra tells her she should be thanking America instead.
I think Tyra has an amazing drag impersonator who stepped in for this part.
The girls seem so stunned by the return of their biggest competition that they forget to cheer the fact that they are on their way to Jamaica. Tyra has to remind them what’s next to even get a half-hearted cheer from them to end the segment.
As the girls are packing, they interview about the upcoming trip and how excited they are. For some reason, Laura is so excited about being able to go to the beach and be in the sun when they get to Jamaica. I wonder if she knows where California is actually located.
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35 Comments
Good grief. I know a lot of you are Leila fans but A.) there was no surprise ion her coming back and B.) I think she is SO UGLY. Her teeth are mangled, her nose is misshapen, and she’s far too thin…which probably means she will win. In spite of Tyra’s protestations to the contrary, the skinnier the girl, the more llikely she will win (Whitney being the exception.)
And I cannot stand Johnny’s lisp or BrianBlah’s idiocy.
when will this fiasco ever end?!?!?!?!????? This is such a crappy cycle. I am going to have to be content with the marathon reruns where Mr. Jay gave great direction to the girls, where Miss Jay gave good instruction for potential runners-up to have a career on various runways in the future, and where the Judges gave constructive criticism and the scores were not just something they pulled out of their asses to advance their ultimate choice. What a sad state for this show. And NEXT cycle is going to be co-ed. That simple REEKS of HOT MESS !!!!!
You forgot that the giant, tropical roaches FLY.
You’re welcome, Luscious!
Holy shit — Kristin is the worst, lowest, piece of shit life-form to ever exist on this show. She could make Mussolini or Stalin feel bad about himself. At least the other “bitches” on the seasons — CYCLES! Sorry, Ms. Tyra! — either redeemed themselves, had flashes of humanity, or could get by on their model-i-ness, but Kristin is a horrible, poisoned, toxic, untalented, jealous bitch.
Oh, also, I hate Kristin.
Team Leila.
Oh, and I loved Johnny Wujeck’s photoshoot advice this week: “You’re a cocky bitch.” “Tooch.” Wow. That is some SAGE advice, dumbass. At least he showed a modicum of intelligence by saying that he wondered how in the hell Kritsin made it this far.
I hate this Cycle.
I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but I miss Janice.
I miss browniegate. I miss hottubsexgate. I miss hairpullingweavegate. I miss chronicoversleptgate. I miss energybargate. I miss Paris. I miss Milan. I miss Tokyo. I miss Africa.
I miss the world according to Empress YaYa.
Instead today we get a smug little boy in short pants (Bryanboy), a egotistical fugitive from the law (Rob), a hostage situation playing out right there in front of us (Kelly) and Jamaica! The fashion capital of…what again? Just step over here girls, behind the house in that alley, next to the wash hanging on the clothesline. In the dirt. And we’ll teach you ALL about modeling. I hope they warned them about bad touches too, because this looks more like the beginning of a Lifetime movie about a naive young girl who enters a modeling contest and gets whisked away by thugs in the back alleys of Jamaica than ANTM.
Cracked me up when Miss My Parents Raised Me in Beverly Hills Because They Are So Hollywood was thrilled to go somewhere that ‘has a beach’. Because, you know, she’s never seen the ocean before, right?
I kind of like Kristin because she is so mean. This cycle needs some cynical mean girl action. God knows it doesn’t have anything else going for it. Laura is so bland. Leila is nice but weird looking. Victoria is now gone, thank goodness. And the others kind of fade away to me.
I miss Yvonne. Best. Reaction. Shots. Ever.
Tyra’s letting women AND men try out for “Cycle 20″.
Oh good lord. It’ll probably just be gay men and/or drag queens who impersonate Tyra and worship at her feet. And they’ll all go home before the ladies do, sadly.
Hopefully, there’s shirtlessness. That’s the only thing that will make me watch the next cycle.
I think I would appreciate Kristin’s bitchiness more if she could take good photos. But then again, none of the girls this cycle take good photos. At least Bianca (Cycle 9/17) could model AND would say things like, “Heather takes amazing photos, but I’m sick of everyone coddling her.” To paraphrase. And at least Renee was like, “I’m changing my attitude, but I’m gonna call it like I see it from time-to-time.” And at least Melrose could take awesome photos (I kind of wish she would have won). Even Alexandria, who probably held first place in the beyotch contest until this season took pretty good photos. Kristin just sucks all around. I honestly think she’s a bad person. I can’t stand her.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: EVERY SINGLE ONE of these top 6/5 girls would have already been eliminated in previous cycles. Hell, the girls who went home 1st or 2nd in previous cycles could wipe the floor with these ladies.
That said, I’m pulling for a Nastasia/Leila final two, with either of them winning their lackluster prizes and then fading into obscurity faster than any other model in this show’s history. With the possible exception of Brittany from Cycle 16, who moved back to her trailer park like 3 months after she won.
@Meaghan — I agree. It’s stupid to have male models. The only thing that will possibly make me watch is the prospect of two dudes making out. Oh, I’ll watch it anyway.
Where the hell is our Fiercely Real cycle?!
@hypnotoad-I’m pretty sure I’m now obsessed with you
Everything you said makes me smile 
These so called models are screwed can you imagine the looks the would get if they go to a model agency and say that they were on this show. How patheic was Kristin cycle 14 winner who tried out for every season of this show and it took her seven years to finally be on the show. All that time wasted to be on a reality show she should have just gone to New York and try to sign up for a agency.
So if the theory about a girl with no scholarship fund extra cash being the winner is correct, it looks like our final two is going to be Kristin and Leila, since they are the only two remaining that have not won a challenge at all. I’m wondering how they’re going to choose the winner, anyway. According to Miss Janice (who I miss too, man she was entertaining), Covergirl actually chose the winners on previous cycles. It wasn’t Tyra, it wasn’t any of the other judges, it was Covergirl looking at the final two and going ‘okay, I guess that one there won’t embarrass us too badly.’
So who the hell is picking the winner now? Or are they going to continue the arbitrary-not-arbitrary-at-all method of judges deliberately tanking one girl’s score over another so they get who they want? I’m pretty sure anyone who was voting Kristin and Laura over the course of the voting period is seriously regretting the decision now that they’ve seen exactly how these chicks act, and I can’t really imagine anyone being happy with either of them really winning the thing.
Although I did love Tyra’s throwback to her ranting tantrum from way back in Cycle 4. That cracked me up.
I don’t understand why people hate Kristin. Yeah she’s mean, but it’s not like the people she was mean to didn’t deserve it. Kristin is the only one with a tolerable personality on this show. Also she’s the prettiest girl on the show and people who say she’s not, obviously, don’t know what they are talking about. I do think that she could take better pictures if somebody would teach the girls something.
Kiara is annoying and full of herself. Leila is not pretty and is super skinny. Laura is clueless and her makeover wasn’t the best, but she does take good pictures. Nastasia is the only other really pretty one and she has a pretty decent personality.
I am thinking Nastasia and Kristin in the final two and I really don’t care who wins after that.
Ha, ha..My hooch does the droopin’ every time I get off the couch.
Seriously, this show has nothing to do with real modeling (as I imagine it). It is more like another nail to the modeling career coffin. Because by the time the girls are eighteen, they should be already working in the industry, not learning how to walk and act at the audition.
Kristin looks pregnant in her photo. It looks like she’s pregnant with twins and one will be coming out her vajayajay and the other will be coming out of her ass. And she’s a horrible person. I don’t know why she never got called out at panel for her completely rude and vapid remarks to Johnny during that early photo shoot. Maybe she’s the prettiest girl in theory, but she’s at the bottom of the barrel competition wise, taking bad photos and sucking at challenges. And also sucking at life.
If she’s in the final two, that will be the final nail in the coffin of the dead shark that was jumped in the first 30 seconds of the first episode of this cycle.
Hypnotoad: I, as usual, agree with virtually all (or just ALL) of what you’ve said. Kristin is so vile she makes Alexandria look like the patron saint of kindness and humility. And her photos suck. And she should be called out on her attitude. And I want a Fiercly Real cycle.
Oh, and thank you, @vallegirl, for reminding this Central Florida native that we have the most abominable, disgusting, gigantic flying roaches everywhere lol. At least they don’t breed in houses, but the fuckers love to surprise us in the shower, our cars, or while we’re merely standing outside at night, minding our own business, when suddenly one comes beelining for our head. [shudder!]
Leila’s hometown is one town over from mine, so I don’t really have a choice but to be Team Leila.
Does anyone watch America’s Got Talent? The mind-reader guy is also from a town bordering mine (but not the same one as Leila’s).
Amy, I am a proud Florida Gator, but Palmettos are the shame of the state. Alligators become LESS intimidating the more time you spend with them, but I have no doubt that Palmetto bugs have figured out how to cyberstalk people by this point.
And in my opinion, disregarding personality, Kiara’s the “prettiest” girl left, and probably the prettiest cast this season. Kristin’s pretty, too, as are all of them since they’re quite young which is when we’re all pretty or at least cute, but she’s such a awful and dumb person that she negates whatever good looks she has. You can be mean or you can be stupid but when you’re mean AND stupid you’re horrible.
Word, vallegirl, word!!!
I’m watching cycle 14 and I think it’s one of the worst cycles ever, with the worst winner ever — Krista. Horrible. I hate Alasia. The nicer and more humble the girl is in front of panel, the more of a complete and total beyotch she is in real life. Alasia, Bianca, Kristin — That fits them to a “T.”
vallegirl: YES! Yes, they ARE. Why do we have to have giant roaches that FLY? So unfair. I’m sitting outside right now, and while it’s actually a bit chilly tonight so I doubt I’ll get attacked, I would WAY rather a gator strolled up the stairs than a Palmetto. Ugh. And Go Gators
Grimoirecould not agreevwithnyou more. Remember the cycle when Tyra told the girls they needed to ignore all that social media stuff… The I Hate Tyra Pages….SO SHE CREATES A CYCLE WHICH PANDERS TO THIS? Hate this cycle. It’s like low budget ANTM. Why can’t they bring back the people with the credibility?
Honestly, I think this whole “reinvention” thing is just a thinly-veiled cover-up for “they slashed our budget in lieu of canceling the show.” Jamaica? Seriously? I thought Cycle 13 was the worst with Hawaii, but at least they actually had the Jays and Nigel and a good photo budget.
I was kind of surprised they cut the looney tunes this soon. Bitchy Kristin isn’t enough to carry the show all the way to the finale, since it’s clear her meanness comes from a place of deep stupidity.
Kiara’s beautiful but she’s no model. And I’m pretty sick and tired of listening to her sob story.
I’m hoping for a Nastasia/Kiara final two because frankly they seem to be the only girls who combine good modeling and being a decent person. Nastasia reminds be a bit of Nik (who was robbed in her cycle, losing to whiny Nicole), so I’d call her my favorite.
That said, I do think Kristen has the look most often seen in the fashion industry: pretty, bored, and vacant. Seriously, when’s the last time you saw a girl in a fashion magazine look awake, engaged, or connected to the camera? Most of them look on the verge of sleep and their hunched-over poses make me want to send them a case of back braces.
Thank goodness they sent Victoria home…but they should have sent her straight to a therapy center for her obvious eating disorder.
I don’t get the love for Leila. She enjoys it just as much as Kristen when her competition fails and (I don’t say this to be mean) she really isn’t that pretty. The gap in her teeth is distracting the hell out of me! That’s not fashionable: it’s a dental issue that’s crying out for braces. What I do love is that the gap-tooth is blatant evidence of Tyra’s hypocracy: she once almost eliminated a girl for not accepting dental intervention to remove just such a gap (Danielle, who later won her season); then on a later season, she deliberately had a girl’s teeth mutilated to WIDEN a similar gap! I don’t remember the poor girl’s name, but I proclaim her the most stupid girl to ever appear on ANTM to let her teeth be destroyed just to stay on the show (PS: she didn’t win and I doubt the producers paid to fix her ruined smile).
Merry — That was Chelsea in Cycle 15. The cycle Ann had pretty much won since the first episode. AND — I’ve been saying that Nastasia has reminded me of Nik for AGES! Nik Pace is one of my favorite models ever and she should have won over that bland pile of American cheese Nicole.
I still say Krista is the worst winner ever. Although that may change when the winner of this “cycle” is announced. If Nastasia or Leila win, I’ll be okay. Other than that, SUCK IT, Ty-Ty.
Yep this whole Jamaica thing is lame, lame, lame. Forgot to mention in the recap that Tyra justifies their presence on this “ain’t got a thing to do with fashion” island by informing the girls that her first swimsuit calendar was shot in Jamaica. Which she produced. Then even she recognizes the pointlessness of it all and follows that up with, “so…. that’s why you’re here.”
Still wishing Yvonne was there to blow raspberries at Ms. Spanks and point out the only reason they are in Jamaica is ’cause it’s cheap and Tyra once had pictures of her booty taken there.
@merry there are two current top models, Lara Stone and Kelly Mittendorf, who have gaps and Mittendorf is “interesting” looking to say the least so while you may not think it’s “high fashion” the industry doesn’t have an issue with it. At least not for the last 40 or so years since Lauren Hutton came along.
Leila is the most “modelly” of the girls this season. Tall, long limbs, very thin but doesn’t photograph “thin” like Victoria did. My other pick to win would be Nastasia who is probably thinner than Leila, and not much bigger than Victoria was, but she does seem “short” in comparison to the other models, even though Kristin’s the stumpy one this season. (All these words are relative to other models and not the general population.)
But, Hypnotoad, no one will ever be a worse winner than Naima. I spent that entire season trying to figure out what everyone saw in her tiny, rodent face and never got it. Still don’t get it, especially since she was up against Kahlen who is a dead-ringer for Carmen Kass.
I don’t get the Leila love either. I don’t think she’s attractive AT ALL…and I can’t STAND the way she talks out of the side of her mouth.
Although I thought Naima was GORGEOUS. But she was SO boring and had zero personality. (Holy crap…I just looked her up and she won cycle FOUR? It doesn’t seem that long ago!)
Nik was beautiful. I always seem to think the 2nd runner up should have won over the actual winner on almost every cycle.
The worst winner to me was Jaslene. She had a butt chin and she was scary skinny. I could count her bones she was so thin.
I barely even remember Krista. That should tell you something. Teyona and McKey were kind of shitty winners as well.
Oh wait, I totally forgot about the joke of an “All-Star” cycle. Really Tyra? Drunk ass Lisa who looks about 45 years old? Even if the rumors are true that Angelea was supposed to have really won, that’s not much better. I haven’t been able to stand her since first time she tried out (wasn’t she on like 3 cycles before that one?).
Basically, HOW COULD ALLISON HAVE NOT WON??
@Hypnotoad – Chelsea! Thanks for reminding me. Wow, I’d erased that fixed cycle from my memory. Ann could take a good picture but man, so skinny and odd in person. I’m glad I’m not the only one who sees some Nik in Nastasia: Nik was a favorite of mine and SO should have won. I’ve consoled myself by thinking that winning usually hurts a girl’s career more than helps it.
@vallegirl – I remembered Lauren Hutton and her gap: to me she has a kind of elegance that florishes in spite of the dental situation. The other two girls I don’t know, but if one of them is the blonde who does the Rimmel mascara TV commercials, her teeth drive me crazy too! I will freely admit to knowing very little about high fashion, but I still don’t understand how that’s “beautiful.” (That opinion may just be shades of my mom telling me long ago how pretty braces were going to make me look…)
@LadyStardust: Ditto. Everything you just said about Lisa and Allison
I was actually an Ann fan, but upon watching the cycle again (and again and again…damn Style Network) I realized how truly stunning Chelsea was (and I looooved her gap!) and how much better she was as a spokesperson.
I definitely agree Jaslene and Ann were both scary sknny, however they appeared to be naturally that way. Ann ate fried Oreos for shit’s sake lol. Now Annamaria from Ann’s cycle was a very sick girl. And a bitch, too boot.
GAH! Damn tablet! “to boot”. Grr.
Lady – two reasons my fav Allison didn’t win. One she didn’t need their help. She took amazing high-fashion photos for a goth looking blood loving freak. Two during the All Star cycle she mentioned she didn’t want to model, but was more interested in the behind the scenes work. Seemed she liked photography. Do we know what she is up to?
Interesting that Allison (via wiki) was on a TV show in the Philippines and walked in their fashion week with Dominque. Isn’t that where loser boy is from?
@merry – Just looked it up and the Rimmel model is Georgia Jagger as in Jerry Hall and Mick Jagger’s daughter. I guess I never saw anything so awful about gaps so getting braces just to correct a minor cosmetic issue seems weird to me.
And I’d suggest doing a Google image search for such top models as Lara Stone, Kelly Mittendorf, Lily Cole, Freja Beha Erichsen and Agyness Deyn. (I’d link but then my comment would get lost in the spam folder.) Most of them fall on the odd side of pretty but they take great photos. I personally think Leila’s pretty. But I think they’re all pretty. Even Brittany. There’s a plainness to her features that may not seem modelly but works well with makeup and she photographs beautifully.