ANTM Recap: Random Acts Of Ugly

44 Comments

1. 1
   andyourlittledogtoo
   Posted October 7, 2012 at 5:19 am

   I can always tell when someone is from my generation when they reference Quaaludes. They haven’t been around since long long before any of these girls were born (Schedule 1, no one manufacturers them any more, it was a whole thing.)

   This is the ‘college’ season. I’m guessing some of these girls are ‘scholarship girls’ (Leila and Kiara) and some of them are ‘legacy girls’ (Laura!) The school is never going to actually expel a legacy. Her parents are too connected. Not that Laura isn’t good, but I get the feeling she is getting some special treatment in outfitting, makeup, sets, and if all else fails (like this week when she simply could not make the toilet scene work against all odds) the daring last minute save. I will be shocked if Laura goes home.

   Kiara was positioned in the dumpster like a dumped corpse with her eyes wide and staring (which she was told to do) but her note was that she was looking for her purse and fell asleep in there. Unless people fall asleep with their eyes wide open (as she was instructed) it is not Kiara’s fault she looked dead. Very very dead. Bryanboy’s abuse of Kiara this episode during panel infuriated me. Of all the ‘comments’ he had to choose from he chose one that said she looked like ‘trash’. That was beyond rude and demeaning and he did it on purpose. Then he abused her to her face right there. And he was so pleased with himself for doing it too. I wish someone would just deck him and be done with it. What an smug little rodent. Here Kiara comes from this difficult and abusive background and he just grinds her down and abuses her for no reason whatsoever except that Tyra lets him do it.

   Tyra really hates these girls, more than any other season. And I too noticed that she didn’t pose for one of these shoots with or without God Rob. Neither one of them was willing to go that far into the dregs for the show I guess.

2. 2
   Meaghan
   Posted October 7, 2012 at 7:28 am

   Poor, misguided Tyra. The network must’ve seen the suck factor of this season and moved it to Fridays at 8, when its target audience won’t even be watching it (and if you’re a broke-ass college student like me, you don’t have a DVR in your dorm to record important stuff, like Harry Potter weekend or X-Factor). I’ve only watched one episode, the first one, in real-time. Every single other Friday night, I’ve either had an event at 8 or an event at 9.

   Goodbye, ANTM, I knew ye well. The only way Tyra can revive this shit is if she finally gives in to my incessant Tweets and delivers an all-male model cycle where 50% of the photoshoots are nude or semi-nude. Oh, and if she sweeps the panel again.

3. 3
   vallegirl
   Posted October 7, 2012 at 10:28 am

   After they lowballed Leila whose photo wasn’t even bad, just mediocre, when she had the second highest “social media” scores and saved Brittany, whose photo was awful, as a result, I can’t get too worked up over the arbritrary nature of the scoring. Except to note how TyTy will never let herself be the villain and foces Kelly and/or Rob to do it.

   Brittany may not get the Tyra Suite because of shenanigans, but since she’s still in the competition because of shenanigans she has nothing to complain about. Of course, poor Allyssa got screwed because Tyra already played shenanigans to put the strongest model in the consolation round so she could make her triumphant come back and prove…something…and didn’t want the second strongest to get canned when her photo actually did suck, but such is the way of Goddess Tyra and her anointing who should win and who should lose.

4. 4
   featherhead
   Posted October 7, 2012 at 11:18 am

   I hope for Victoria’s sake, her mother never gets a boyfriend. She would have to be put in the pysch ward.

5. 5
   realtv
   Posted October 7, 2012 at 11:23 am

   Its Brittany not Brittnay! Great recap, but that type of mistake is what drives my OCD crazy! But hilarious recap, and I love the pictures and captions!

6. 6
   featherhead
   Posted October 7, 2012 at 11:27 am

   Could the girls all hear Victoria’s phone conversation with her mom or was that my imagination? If they could WTF was that?

7. 7
   Hip
   Posted October 7, 2012 at 11:29 am

   All I could think while watching this episode was…….WTF???

8. 8
   AmyOops
   Posted October 7, 2012 at 12:06 pm

   I just can’t help watching cycle repeats when they come on TV (the one in my bedroom is programmed to tune into the Style network). Every. Single. Prior. Cycle…is all about education/learning/improving. Tyra constantly says she wants to see the girls making strides toward being a better model. WTF happened?

   Maybe she thinks they all should have watched prior cycles and accordingly should now know EVERYTHING. For fuck’s sake this has got to be the last cycle. Damn I miss the Js!

   @andyourlittledogtoo: I thought the same damn thing about Kiara. She got screwed out of a good photo.

9. 9
   sagittariuskim
   Posted October 7, 2012 at 1:29 pm

   You can say a lot about Johnny and Rob but at least they know their place.

   And I’m calling Russia or Korea as the overseas trip this year.

10. 10
    andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted October 7, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    Nah, Tijuana. They’ll make ‘em pose with the feral dogs out by the trash heaps. And Tyra and Rob will just do their parts via Skype so as to keep with the latest ‘social media’ trends. No need to put them in harm’s way after all.

11. 11
    Gwen
    Posted October 7, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    @realtv I was about to comment the exact same thing! B-R-I-T-T-A-N-Y.

12. 12
    Hypnotoad
    Posted October 7, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    @sagittariuskim – From the photos on the websites, it looks like they’re going to South America or something.

13. 13
    Hypnotoad
    Posted October 7, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Also, that Nylon guy looked road hard, dude. Like, he probably woke up at 10 and drank a bottle of Jack. And he does that every day. Like, he’s living his own Leaving Las Vegas.

14. 14
    vallegirl
    Posted October 7, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Like, he’s living his own Leaving Las Vegas.

    That’s probably from waking up and realizing “CRAP! I agreed to be on ANTM.”

    But I’ve been meaning to rant about TyTy calling Buttboy “Fashion’s most powerful blogger.” Has anyone heard of him before this? No. Meanwhile, Scott Schuman (the Sartorialist) is usually front row at fashion shows clicking his own photos because he has an editorial background. Of course, he wouldn’t sully his reputation by appearing as the “social media consultant” but stop pretending that the Bobby Trendy wannabe is anything but a Bobby Trendy wannabe.

15. 15
    snowshoecat
    Posted October 7, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    I loathe Tyra almost as much as I despise that little media worm. The treatment of these young women is abusive.

    Love your ‘caps, Luscious. Keep on stomping.

16. 16
    realhousewivesfan
    Posted October 7, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    i just realized iv been watching this show since i was 12 in 7th grade…. i am now 21, that’s been soo many years ago! i can’t believe i watched almost every season, i can tell you though it jumped the shark when Leon Talley left. officially.

17. 17
    sagittariuskim
    Posted October 7, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    @Hypnotoad Awww, haven’t they’ve been to South America before? If they went to Korea we could have saw them do a Gangnam Style challenge or photo shoot.

18. 18
    Hypnotoad
    Posted October 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    CYCLE, not season, realhousewivesfan. CYCLE. Tyra calls it a cycle for a reason. And that reason is that she’s banana nuts crazy.

    People seemed to hate last cycle (I, for one, LOVED it), but this is the one that jumped the shark. It’s too complicated, the girls are horrible, and the wrong ones are sticking around. In any other cycle, Kiara, Kristin, and Brittany would have gone home by now. And I feel no sadness in Allyssa going home. Girl was bland.

    In the “Comeback Series” on the CW’s site, none of the girls were surprised to see Allyssa. And Jessie cutely said, “Hey, remember me?” And Leila mentioned that she and Jessie were neck-and-neck in the votes to return.

19. 19
    Grimoire
    Posted October 7, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    I watched 4 of this “cycle’s” episodes and simply cannot do it anymore. I will read the recaps and have followed ANTM for lo these many years, but it is over. This train wreck has to stop.

20. 20
    Gwen
    Posted October 7, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    @Hypnotoad It’s not Allyssa’s fault she was bland, she was 100% edited out of the episode before this before the producers realized “Hey, Allyssa’s going home this week and no one even knows she’s in this competition yet!”

21. 21
    carol
    Posted October 7, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    This season, oh sorry, cycle has turned into a train wreck. It is so bad I can’t stop watching. I figure I have come this far, I might as well finish it out. Next cycle will definitely be iffy. That is if it comes back for another one. I think the only way Tyra could come back from this was to do a co-ed (as in both boys and girls) season or guys only. She cannot do a ‘plus size’ season, it should have been done many cycles ago but now it would just not work.

    I don’t know what to think of Victoria. I think the way the other girls approached her was just mean and borderline mob mentality. The ways Kristen was yelling at Victoria to get off the phone, really? I went to an all girls boarding high school with only two pay phones in each dorm (it was before cell phones, wow, I now feel old). We weren’t even that mean. Also, Victoria is ’18′. I am pretty sure there are many kids across the country would be homesick if they were away from home for the first time and put in a stressful situation. Kiara (sp?) telling Victoria that she has to let go of her mom at sometime was very judgmental. Kiara is coming from a place where she did not have a great mother figure and had to grow up at a young age. Yes, I do think a lot of what she does is scripted and planned. The whole ‘acting’ during the photo shoot was a little too good for the rest of ‘Victoria’ to be real. I also think Tyra wanted the whole eating disorder thing to come up because it will get more publicity and she will be able to treat it like a PSA.

    If I remember from the photo shoot post, they are going to Jamaica or some other tropical island.

22. 22
    Sunny
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 12:58 am

    I haven’t watched this show in years, except for old marathons, didn’t even realize it was still churning out new ‘cycles’ anymore. I started reading stuff on here about the ex-contestant who’s now an addict and then the hated new guy and then how can I not click on a recap titled, random acts of ugly? I’m only human. Then I decided to see just how much this show has fallen since I last watched, since reading I couldn’t make heads or tails of the new format (seriously, this distinctly reminds me of Calvinball) and those photos look completely amateur, my friends and I could get that level with a point and shoot with no retouching. Also, anorexic model with an unhealthy obsession with her mom? Alright, point me in the direction of the trainwreck and pass me some popcorn. Like I said, I’m only human.

    Here’s where I get real, where the hell are they spending their money? The photos suck, the hair/makeup is not remotely near the level I remember, the sets (other than the house) look like a 90s era dating show on MTV. The house seems decent but nothing special unless you count the giant monitor doing a job that a piece of paper and a producer to point out said paper used to do. Clearly they are in dire straits…except, wait, they’re offering a $100,000 prize (what, in addition to $10,000 per week into scholarship money)? You’d think they’d want to funnel at least some of that money into making sure the product still looked like it had some integrity left. Or failing that, at least that she still had people she could coax into guesting on the show that didn’t owe her a favor (or 10).

    I probably won’t be picking this show up again but I’ll be back next week to see the aftermath. It’s too bad for the other girls that miss heroin chic has mastered the tricky art of invisibility.

23. 23
    Sunny
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 1:08 am

    And, because I couldn’t not draw a comparison in my own mind, I couldn’t stop myself:
    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BdXGehCn5Ek/UC0kzysdA_I/AAAAAAAAAIw/i16BjRmXJ6M/s1600/bulimia.jpg

    *sigh*

24. 24
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 1:51 am

    Was I the only one not bothered by BryanBoy throwing the paper on the floor LOL.
    I mean…he didn’t throw it at her. It was done to illustrate a point, not to disrespect her. And he likes Kiara. They were all hugged up when he came to the house, plus he did say that he is frustrated by her lack of popularity on the internet.
    Idk, it didn’t bother me. In the previews, it did, because it looked like he was throwing it at her. Seeing it in context is different.
    His hat looks like on Looney Tunes, when Bugs Bunnyyanks someone’s hat down so hard that their head pops out the top. Do not want.

    @Gwen, Allyyssaaa was edited out because she was bland lol. This whole season, Allyyssaa has just been sitting there like some kind of gorgeous mushroom. And when they finally let her talk, all her parts were boring as hell. She was like Brazilian blah blah blah gonna win blah blah blah confident blah blah blah curvy girl blah blah I got this blah blah. Nothing memorable about her. She needed to go.

    I was so annoyed by Kristin’s photoshoot. Number one, she just sat there and poured milk in her face. No modeling at all.
    Number two, why the fuck did Tyra think it was a good idea to throw a shitload of milk on the floor? That milk could have fed a small family for a month. Ole wasteful ass.

    I’m just kind of ready for the season to be over and for Leila or Laura to take her crown. The photoshoots are the most boring and worst that I’ve ever seen them, these girls are learning NOTHING about being models, judging has reached a whole other level of arbitrariness, and there are only two girls left in the house that I don’t want to cast into a lake of fire. There is no point to this anymore.

25. 25
    itchy
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 5:32 am

    I remember Quaaludes. Well, I remember rolling down two flights of stairs. That’s about it. Fun times!

26. 26
    Stumblebum
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 6:52 am

    Sunny commented on how the whole look of the show has gone tremendously downhill compared to past “cycles”. I was thinking the same when I watched the latest episode. When ANTM was in its heyday, there was just a “richness” and a more elevated feel to the photos, the sets, the hair, the makeup – just everything. Now it’s just bad all around. If I was Tyra, I’d be really embarrassed that the show has come to this.

27. 27
    msjacqmills
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 7:14 am

    I like Nastasia, but I thought her picture was hideous, I don’t see what the judges saw in it. But, what do I know. Brittnay got robbed…her picture was amazing.

    Love the names for Bryanboy. Irritating Bowelboy was probably my fave.

    If this show comes back, she needs to bring back the Jays and Nigel.

28. 28
    snowshoecat
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 7:21 am

    @Chaos, I agree about the milk. As a confessed milkaholic I was horrified to see it wasted.

    Noooooooooooooooooooooooo…

29. 29
    labowner
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Anyone else see the bugs coming out at the shoot? Disgusting.

    They bullied poor Victoria. Since when is there a time limit to phone usage? That is the first time I have ever heard that.

    This show needs to die, except we wouldn’t get to read Lucious’ great recaps.

30. 30
    kthxbai
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 11:03 am

    @Luscious I haven’t watched this for the last few seasons. But I had recap marathon and ROFLed till I had to put kleenex in my eyes. And learned how to DIY mind numbing slang! You’re totes f’krilliant! (^ ヮ^)

    This show’s like the Bachelor. Where so far 1 couple’s gotten married. In the 700 or whatever seasons it’s been on.

    I think they’re still beating ANTM’s record though. I’ll know for sure when I finish making my list of ANTM winners that are top models. So far I’m up to 0.

    I used to like how Tyra would give them challenges that were based by stuff she’d had to do in real life. And most of the time she’d tell about it. How this 1 time they made her dress up like a piece of cheese and play the piano under 20 ft of ice chunks or whatever.

    But she didn’t start modeling till she was like 13. And she’s been doing this show forever! Which only leaves 30 or 40 yrs that she actually modeled. Before she swapped over to being a reality show presenter.

    So there’s only so many odd experiences you’d have to make challenges out of. Since most jobs are just regular. Without any circus animals. Or hanging out of a helicopter upside down and smize while you eat a bowl of soup.

    I quit watching when they started just making it all up. And setting them to do stuff without showing them how 1st. Like you said. Then they fuss at them for not doing it right.

    I wonder how much of the re boot was because Andre and the Jays and Nigel were over it? Since they all do work in the fashion business.

    Maybe Kelly figures it won’t hurt her reputation as much. Since she’s more events and publicity. I bet Jonte bounces after this season though.

    I guess the positive side is they don’t need to teach them anything about modeling. Since even if they win it’s not like they’ll be doing any.

31. 31
    Xouille
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    I just can’t with this show anymore… It used to be a guilty pleasure, now just like Carol, I’m watching it as I would watch a trainwreck. I know I shouldn’t but I just can’t stop myself.
    WTF happened to this show ? (rethorical question… Tyra’s gigantic ego and stupid ideas happened)

    I wouldn’t say they jumped the shark. At this point, I would say they bought a rocket launch pad, flew over every single shark still alive in this world, landed on the moon and then crashed in China.

    It seems nobody gives a fuck anymore. As Stumbledum stated, there was some sort of richness before that is now completely gone. Yeah, it has always been a stupid little show about modeling that took itself too seriously but at least it never looked cheap (or downright crappy).
    Now I just wish for it to end and I’m ready for either Laura or Leila to take the crown… because aside from a Victoria “redemption” arc, there is no other alternative.

    P.S. : Nastasia’s picture best of the week ! Seriously ? In the words of Ana Matronic from the Scissors Sisters… that girl looked like a “drown harrassed rat”.

32. 32
    andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    And they totally screw with the girls. They give the girls they want to win the best hair and makeup and dresses and the others not so much. Is the complaint that you are too chunky? Well then, let’s give you the outfit that maximizes all of those curvy attributes and be sure to position you so that your ass is sticking out etc. Is the note that you aren’t looking tall enough? Well then we will position you in every shoot to sit, scrunch, or dip down further for the shot. And we’ll dress you up in clothes that cut you in half or make your legs look short or whatever we have to do to make you fail.

    Weirdly though, Nastasia didn’t fail this week in spite of the clothes and directed position. Which made no sense at all. I wonder what that was about? Because it wasn’t about that picture.

    Victoria needs to go home and eat a sandwich or something. And I don’t feel bad that Kristin was yelling at her to get off the phone because Victoria was yelling and drama queening in there for everyone to hear and I think most of them are pretty done with it all by this point. Victoria is either a nutjob or she plays one on TV, and I think the girls are mostly over her and don’t feel that her ‘pain’ is genuine. I know I don’t.

    Kristin eats all the time. That is so funny, but now that you mention it I totally can’t see her not eating any more. Even her photo shoot was drinking milk.

33. 33
    Luscious
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    All these comments are so great!
    In regards to Kristin “bullying” Victoria to get off the phone it is understandable. They have a sign up sheet outside the phone booth and that is why Kristin was rudely yelling at Victoria to get off the phone.
    All the girls sitting in that window booth were waiting to use the phone. With the long days, they probably all want to talk to loved ones before their families go to bed, so although Kristin’s approach was typical mean girl rude, it wasn’t uncalled for and they definitely have limits on phone usage.

    I have a picture of the sign up sheet – I wish I could paste it here but that doesn’t seem possible.

34. 34
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    Also, it irritates me when I see the girls whining about not getting $10,000 to put in their banks.
    All these girls go to college. I KNOW they know that the chances of them actually getting any of that money is slim to none.
    And that bank is the #1 reason why Laura probably will not win the season. Tyra knows full damn well she doesn’t want to pay the girl a 100k prize +her challenge winning money.
    Since Leila went home without winning any challenges, when she wins, there’s no bank money to worry about. Very crafty, Ty Ty.

35. 35
    labowner
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Thanks Lucious I didn’t see the sign up sheet for the phone. How long do they have in between shoots? I thought it was at least a few days, thus I was wondering why she was screaming about the phone time. I have noticed the lack of empathy from these chicks and Tyra not saying a word. And what the hell was the lip from Keira to Brocoliboy? No way would Tyra ever allow a contestant to sass back like that.

36. 36
    itchy
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    Not to mention that the “social media” scores don’t seem to go much past six — easy enough to override that with the bullshit judges scores.

    More importantly, someone needs to inform Brittnay that her habit of tucking her chin in against her throat is not at all attractive.

37. 37
    AmyOops
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    It finally happened, as I knew it would…when they mentioned the [cough] scholarship money [cough] this episode they totally failed to mention it only goes to the “winner”. I’ve been waiting. Oh, and I kept the very first episode on my DVR and rewatched it last night. Yikes. So so bad.

    @itchy: That’s it! I love her pictures, usually, but I could not put my finger on what makes her look freakishly unattractive half the time. You nailed it.

    If you watch the first couple of cycles you’ll see the photo shoots were pretty crappy, but then yes! They did develop this “richness” of which you all speak. Now it’s just sad. Not to mention that they can’t seem to get a good photographer to save their lives, er, show. Meh.

38. 38
    AmyOops
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    Aaaand one MORE thing…watching the first ep again, anyone recall who was chosen last of the thirteen, hmmm? Victoria! They even went to a *suspense* commercial before the final pick (HER). Suspicious, no?

39. 39
    merry
    Posted October 10, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Funny take on a whole new level of arbitrary.

    “The girls will all be appearing as party chicks the morning after. It’s gross and does not seem to have anything to do with high fashion. Also, it seems in poor taste after the big reveal that a former ANTM star is now a meth addict.” I fully agree, but this is hardly the first ugly, tasteless, pointless shoot we’ve seen. For example, contestants have posed as:

    Corpses (poisoned, organs stolen, shot, etc. Lovely violence against women message there)
    Mostly-naked jockeys (short girls cycle. Naked + on a horse = isn’t that illegal?)
    Model stereotypes (anorexic, bulemic, etc. No comment.)
    Changed races (less offensive and more “why?”)
    Circus freaks (including “Siamese twins.” Very sensitive. Also: not pretty.)
    Homeless people (because they’re so chic)
    Vampires in a tub of blood (which would sell…what, exactly?)

    So, so many of the ANTM shoots have nothing to do with fashion or beauty and seem to be mostly for shock value. It’s been getting exponentially worse over the years and I agree, this panel is not helping. The male model is a moron; Kelly Cutrone shouldn’t be allowed out in public until she brushes her hair and puts on a little damned blush and clothes that fit; and the “social media” cretin knows less about fashion than I do (and that’s saying something).

    My point? I really, really HATE the way Tyra gets so condescending about “commercial.” Fashion is a BUSINESS and those of us who buy clothes want them to look good. We don’t want to look like we’re hungover, dead, or colorblind. Most fashion editorials are too “edgy” (read: “ugly”) for me, and most of Tyra’s shoots are far, far worse.

40. 40
    MyPokeyFace
    Posted October 12, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    http://www.gossipcop.com/tyra-banks-fivehead-tv-show-teen-high-school-comedy-series-abc/

    Yikes. Any why???

41. 41
    Hypnotoad
    Posted October 13, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Hey guys! This is Hypnotoad. I was supposed to recap this week’s episode for luscious, but there wasn’t a new episode this week? Right? Episode 8 is scheduled for October 19th . . .? (I don’t have cable. I know. But I’d rather have Netflix/Hulu Plus/Amazon on demand/Vudu on my Roku. In fact, I’m watching Cycle 13 right now. Laura, holla!)

42. 42
    Hypnotoad
    Posted October 13, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    Well, it doesn’t look like there was an episode this week. Color me disappointed, kids!

43. 43
    Luscious
    Posted October 15, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Dearest Hypnotoad,

    I would be forever grateful if you could cover this week instead! I am in all kinds of deadline hell with real life. (Good and promising stuff, but no time for the frivolities of Tyra Banks). We would all love to see your take on this nearly Emmy Award Winning masterpiece.

    Thank you!

    Luscious

44. 44
    Hypnotoad
    Posted October 15, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Your wish, Luscious, is my command. I accept your challenge!