Well hello, ‘Gasmii! I’ve been mildly entertained this week by all the chatter on last week’s recap. I think I would upgrade it to “way entertained” if I knew who the hell y’all were talking about, but I’m glad we’re all chatting about TV, as God intended. Keep it up!
One last time for Hi, I’m Kyle, *sniffle* (also, this won’t center!)
But what the hell am I doing wasting my typing endurance on this stupid intro, we have a finale to cover!!
It’s America’s Next Top Model: British Invasion! Let’s go!
Last week, we lost Annaliese. Was that really only a week ago? It feels like forever ago! This season is dragging! Anyway, that leaves us with Sophie (who finally won a best picture, right at the end) and Laura (who won a few times). We all kinda think Sophie’s going to win, right? That’s the consensus I came to in the comments last week.
We’re still in Macau. I know it’s only, like, a week to them, but to me it feels like they’ve been there for months! For the whole season! Their whole lives! Nah, just a week. Sophie’s hair is extra pink and I’m sure they touched up Laura’s roots, too.
Sophie and Laura are doing a good job of pretending that they’re best buds. They get back to the suite and, *crickets*, it’s just them! Screams! hugs! What terrible, terrible Tweedledum suit is Sophie wearing??!
Also, Sophie’s an idiot. Laura waves a US flag around and says, “Congratulations, my Brit.” Ya know, Brit being a noun meaning “person of British origin.” Sophie’s response? “Congrats, my U.S.” A-doy.
Tyra Mail! “Tomorrow is going to be a blast!” Ooh, they’re getting shot into space in little rockets that disintigrate upon reentry!! Yay!
oh, no, I was wrong. Sorry, it’s just a dumb Cover Girl shoot, for Blast lipstick. I tried that Lash Blast mascara one time, and it was only so-so. Drew Barrymore was likely NOT wearing it in the ads–she was probably wearing Dior or something. And a shit-ton of falsies.
So they’re going to do a print ad for Cover Girl AND a commercial, like with lines and everything. And Jay Manuel is like, “Oh yeah, we been filming you bitches all this time! Surprise!” As if they didn’t know that. But what he means is, stuff they’ve been filming all along will get montaged into the final cut of the commercial. You’ll see.
Remember Jez Smith? He shot the last challenge, I think, right? And here he is again, shooting the Cover Girl shoot. Aaaaand that’s all I have to say about that. Shortest paragraph ever!
While the girls are in makeup, Jay’s coaching Laura on how to best say her lines. He stops her tout suite and is like “No no no, it sounds like you’re reading it. You know the line, just give it to me.” And of course she sounds way better.
And Sophie’s sitting there, getting made up too, and I’m like, “Wait, she’s going to get free coaching, eavesdropping on Laura’s stuff!” Later, I realize they have different scripts because they’re different styles of girl and have different things to say. GOOD.
(Author’s note: It is taking me FOREVER to write this recap, because my little boy kitty cat is DRIVING ME CRAZY. He’s jumping up on the table constantly, and I keep shooting him with water, or making crumpled balls of paper for him to play with, or just kissing him until he squirms out of my arms (as punishment of course), or trying to get him blissed out on catnip, but he is INSATIABLE for my attention. I can’t even get through one paragraph without throwing the laptop down to yell at him. ARGH!!!!)
(I love him so much!) (But shut up!)
Sophie gets her own coaching, I was right! And her own script! She shoots her live commercial stuff first, while Laura’s doing the print ad. Jay’s there to give advice, such as not tipping your head back so your chin doesn’t look gross.
Ew, why’d they put those eyebrows on Sophie? They’re, like, orange. Yuck.