It’s the tenth episode. I’m so bored with
Laura winning everything. What can we do
to mix it up?
She can’t model with a toilet. Maybe you
could do another skank shoot.
If we shoot her in weird shadows we could make those
beady little eyes and funky nose look terrible.
I could crush her skull with my meaty arms.
No one is crushing anyone, Rob.
But that does give me an idea.
We all know Laura is terrified of splitting open her
pumpkin head. We’ll do a show around water.
No, not that kind of water.
The kind of water where I look
amazing and it is slippery as hell.
So this week our girls are still in Jamaica. Things continue to be insane and nonsensical. The girls return from panel where Victoria was finally ousted and Nastasia’s picture is waiting to greet them. I don’t understand why one of the words used to proclaim her awesome picture is “expensive” but then again I don’t understand a lot of what Tyra does.
Kiara is shaken up at having been in the bottom two. She tells the girls that while she was in the shower, she was running through different scenarios of what she would be willing to do to win this competition. She tells the girls that if she had to kill someone to win this thing, she would “probably do it.”
Kristin wishes she had thought of that!
Personally, I don’t think Kiara means it. At least I hope not. ‘Cause this competish ain’t going to help her much. I’m just hoping she’s using more mind fuck on these little impressionable twits so that from here on out they will be slightly nervous but never exactly sure why.
Kristin comes on in confessional and begins the running theme of our episode:
She is irritated by everyone (including Laura, since she doesn’t exclude her)
and can’t wait to beat them all and go home.
Meanwhile, Laura is also on the whiny bitch wagon. Only instead of spewing hate, she’s trying to rationalize her jealousy that Leila has returned to the competition without having to participate in the humiliating challenges or worry about her score sending her home. I’m not sure what she’s actually bitching about because the three challenges Leila missed included the motion capture where Laura will have her taunt included in the game, a grimy road trip, where Laura will be serving as a guest correspondent for Nylon TV and the go-sees, which I’m sure Leila would have killed to be a part of, and Laura took home that win too.
We already know our girl is geographically challenged.
Let’s not hurt her pepita-filled head by explaining that
Leila was already “sent home”, so no she didn’t have
to worry about that. Her worry was much greater.
It’s challenge time and the girls head down to the beach where Johnny is waiting for them. Standing by his side is his “good friend” Cedella Marley. As in the spawn of Bob Marley. She’s a singer and a fashion designer and today the girls will be wearing her swimwear while posing in the water with one of Tyra’s biggest fears. I’m sorry, say what?
Why would Tyra subject the girls to something that terrifies her? Is it dangerous? What could she possibly be afraid of that is in the waters of Jamaica?
Ah yes, the deadly and terrifying dolphins of the deep.