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Kiara interviews about her hard life. This is the first time I’m hearing about your hard life, Kiara. I would have thought that you would have mentioned it at least 3 times in each episode, but no, no, this is the first I’ve heard of your hard life and how your grandma was there for you. Also, I have to say that this surprised me:
Laura calls her mom on the phone. Laura’s mom is Australian? Or South African? Or just has an affected accent from rakin’ in all that sweet, sweet, “Dynasty” dough?
Laura’s all stressed out. Like all the girls. I have to say, again, that these girls seem waaaaay more stressed out than the girls of all the other cycles. Talking to her mom helps, but Laura interviews that she feels like she’s going to crack, but she can’t. Credits.
The girls go to some Half Moon horse ranch. Laura is excited because she grew up with horses that were bought with that sweet “Dynasty” money and she loves them. Kiara does this hilarious interview where she’s like, “You have acres? You have a pond? Do YOU [pointing toward the camera] have a pond? I don’t have a pond. I don’t have horses.” Horses! Horses!
Horses! Rob’s there along with Yendi Phillips who was Ms. Jamaica and Ms. Jamaican World and Ms. Dreadlocks Ganja Time Sponsored By Red Stripe. Maybe not that last one. But probably. She also works with the Jamaican tourist board and today they’ll be filming the Cover Girl commercial! Oh, what’s that? I’m sorry? Cover Girl is no longer a sponsor? So, no classic Cover Girl commercial? Okay, I’ll take a Smashbox commercial. I’m sorry, what? Smashbox isn’t doing an ANTM commercial because they’re too cheap and this cycle has the budget of a college sophomore shopping at the all-night Walmart at 2am? Oh, okay. Well, I’ll take a commercial for the Jamaican tourist board. But I won’t like it, ANTM. I will not like it.
I’m pretty sure that this cycle required multiple reaction takes any time a challenge or prize or whatever was announced. “Okay, guys, let’s do another reaction again and THIS time, be more excited. Think about what it must have felt like for a girl on a REAL cycle of Top Model. Okay. Take 14.” They have to write their own script and then do the commercial, Rob says, “on horseback. In the ocean.”
Oh, Laura. Laura, Laura, Laura. And horses! Horses! Laura’s excited because she loves horses. Leila’s not super excited; she’s not exactly afraid of horses, but the dolphin bitch-slapped her the other day, and she realized horses are big strong things that can kick you in the head and put you in a coma for 20 years until your parents finally take you off life support. What? It could happen. It probably has.