Tyra Mail! Oh, mother. F**ker. It’s stupid P’Trique on video.
Annnnnnnnd horses are no longer my #1 fear.
GTFO, P’Trique. You and your beard and your weird cartoon stubby hands just go home. Go home and never come back. Ever. There are WAY too many close-ups of this weirdo mess in this video. Basically, he says that it’s time for the Dream Come True fragrance photo shoot.
The girls arrive to the beach to see Johnny and Jez Smith, who, I have to say, is actually a real photographer unlike that cobra snake dude they had for the $5 budget prison shoot. Jez wants perfection, ladies, so you better bring it. Oh, and then Ben Bennett shows up. Y’all know him from the past couple cycles, right? He created the Dream Come True fragrance and shows up at the photo shoots to be demanding and slightly bitchy about a perfume that probably smells like Debbie Gibson’s Electric Youth.
Comin’ up! Comin’ on strong!
The future only belongs to the future itself. Think about that. That is some deep shit for 1989, you guys. Also, has anyone smelled/used Dream Come True? Tell us about it in the comments! Unless it’s actually really good and smells wonderful — then I don’t want to know about it, because there’s no fun in that.
Ben has “high expectations” for the girls. Ben, gurl, what cycle do you think this is? This is Cycle 19. You need to get those expectations LOWERED, beyotch. Like, almost touching the ground. Nastasia’s up first. Ben and Jez are giving directions. I have no idea where Johnny is. Oh, there he is. Just standing there. Doing nothing. Saying nothing. Nastasia’s pretty bland and Jez isn’t sure they got a great shot. Leila’s up next. She’s not doing great either, and Johnny’s stupid advice is to stupidly “flirt with Jez’s camera.” Commence Hypnotoad eyeroll.
“Johnny Wujeck, oh, brother.”
Leila interviews that she has the same feeling she did the day of the cheerleading photo shoot and that was the day she was eliminated. I don’t know if that was after the shoot or if they took a break or whatever, because after the commercial, Leila takes a moment and thinks about being the winner and finally gets some great shots. Jez says that there were some really great shots at the end. Which means Tyra will pick a crappy one from the beginning of the shoot.
And then BryanBoy pointlessly shows up to “talk” to the girls about crap. Kiara tells BryanBoy that she had a hard life. What? Where did that come from? Kiara had a hard life? I am shocked and astounded by this last-minute revelation. She starts crying about how her life is hard and her mom doesn’t support her and how this is her dream and she wants it and deserves it. And while I don’t like Laura and don’t think she’s a great model, she makes an excellent point in an interview: She’s had a good life, she has a good relationship with her parents, but she wants this too, and it’s her dream as well, and it doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve it. Word, Laura. I, for one, think Laura doesn’t deserve it because she’s really not a great model. That’s just my opinion. But I do get tired of all the girls on this show talking about how hard their lives are and how their childhoods were so rough and how they “cain’t go back to Buffalo, I just cain’t.” It doesn’t mean they deserve it any less than the girls who had fine childhoods.