Anyway, Kiara’s up next. Johnny’s really bringing his a-game today: “That’s good.” “That’s nice.” Wow, where would Kiara be without your brilliant photo shoot advice, Johnny? Exactly where she is now, that’s where. Point. Less. Laura’s up. Ben interviews that her photos aren’t modelesque. Well, take what you can get, Ben — this is Cycle 19: College Edition. He tells her that she’s looking more like sexy calendar than fragrance. Jez is all, “Too sexy,” and then Johnny’s all, “Too sexy” like 2 seconds after. Ben: “Keep the smile in your eyes, don’t lose that, okay?” Johnny: “Yeah.” Wow, even Ben is a better photo shoot creative directer than Johnny Wujeck and he creates perfumes based on CW reality shows with declining ratings. He tells Laura that the shots are gorgeous, but it may not be a gorgeous shot for him and the campaign.
Sorry, it’d been a while since I posted a photo, so you got a random one with a crappy caption. Only 3 ladies will continue on in the hope of becoming America’s Next Top Half-Assed We Threw This Season Together in 15 Minutes With a $10,000 Budget Model. Hey, did you know that all the girls want this so bad and have worked so hard to get here? Because they do. I’m crossing my fingers for Leila and Nastasia. I’m worried about them. Kiara, in confessional, throws in another million sports analogies about winning and crap because SHE IS AN ATHLETE AND HAS HAD A HARD LIFE.
“My life as a childhood athlete was hard. It was hard! We didn’t even have a basketball! Do you know how hard it is to play basketball with a potato?! MY LIFE WAS HARD, IT WAS SO HARD, ATHLETE, BASKETBALL, HARD, LIFE, HARD!”
Oy. I don’t think Kiara is a bad person at all, and I’m not saying her life was easy, but holy shit, I’m tired of hearing about it. However, Kiara’s grown on me over the past few episodes and her “do YOU have a pond?” thing made me like her more. Doesn’t mean I’m not gonna give her crap, though. I mean, doi.
Some P.A. comes in to grab the girls at the house, all, “All right girls, are we ready?” Where did she come from? Why do we need to see her? Whatever. Panel time! The girls are — oh, holy effing, shit, what fresh hell is this:
So, Alfre Woodard is a guest judge now?
Words cannot describe the amount of ire I’m feeling right now. This? Should not exist. It should not be on my TV. It should not be on my computer. It should not be in the universe.
Leila’s first. She tells them the horse thing didn’t work out that well but she was determined and went on. Photo:
I don’t think it’s that bad. Not exactly right for the campaign, but then again, anything looks beautiful compared to this:
Mommy, why is grandma holding that big bottle? Is it for her pee?
Yeesh. That’s horrible. Allison was robbed! Anyway, Kelly says that Leila’s photo is a little too sexy for the brand. Of course, Rob disagrees and gives one of his patented lame and safe answers: It’s not too sexy, it’s not overposed, it’s confidence. He and Kelly have a little bitchfight about how it’s relevant to teens/it’s too sexy for teens, but Kelly gets the last laugh by saying that if her 14 year-old daughter looked at her like that, she’d send her to an all-girls’ school in Idaho. Tyra agrees with Rob. And then she agrees with Kelly. BryanBoy says something and then shows a comment from Racheal A. who says something about necks that makes her sound like she thinks she’s an expert about modeling because she’s seen every cycle of ANTM. Scores (Kelly, Tyra, Rob): 8, 8, 9.