ANTM Recap:ReBooty Tooch

Recaps

By Luscious | Sunday, August 26, 2012 | 2:48 am | 22 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: America's Next Top Model, Recaps

Hi Gasmii!

Well here it is, the long anticipated “WTF Is Tyra Up To Now?” episode of ANTM. As discussed earlier, cycle 19 is a starting over point, because you know, Tyra is a Harvard business grad now and she has to make important business decisions.

Tyra joins Hillary Duff among the ranks of the prestigious
“I Went to Harvard (but not really)” group.

Anyway, this season, the girls are all supposed to be college edumacated of some sort. Fact: Beauty School is considered college in Modelland.

At beauty college, you don’t intern, you extern!

There’s been some thought that this re-vamp is meant to draw in a younger audience. It kind of makes sense until we talk about the Friday night time slot the new and improved show has been given. I had to skip a friend’s birthday happy hour to watch the show (being the cheap sort with no DVR).

I’m pretty sure the younger sect, who don’t remember Gilligan’s Island (much less, Cycle 1), aren’t going to be sitting around their tv’s on the first night of the weekend.

This is your Friday evening target audience, Tyra.

If I had my Harvard certificate, I would totally have gone with older models and real bodies. I would also have gotten rid of Kelly Hagface Cutrone and brought back Paulina, Carol and Twiggy. You know, people with reputations so established you only have to say their first name to know who they are.

But I’m not Tyra or a Harvard grad, so let’s see how she decided to reboot her brand with her new college smarts, shall we?

The show opens with a little skit Tyra has created to give us a peek into the workings of her mind.

We are very blessed.

Tyra is sitting by a pool with her bestie girlfriend, who I should probably know, but don’t.

 

Does this person have relevance?

(Other than looking like an overgrown version of our very own J-Mo.)

So Tyra’s lounging by the pool with J-Mo, napping in the sun and she wakes from a horrible dream in which she realizes it’s her 19th cycle and she needs to make it new and different. Fierce and fabulous. “It’s gotta be totally amazing. It’s gotta be…(takes in big gasp of delighted realization)

“Totes Amaze!”

Tyra didn’t invent this mind-numbingly dumb slang, but it’s clear she’s going to try to push it this cycle. Also, the segment takes place in several locations and Tyra’s got branding shirts on in every scene that promote acronyms of all her famous made up words.

I thought OMS meant Overly Marketed Stupidshit.

Anyway, J-Mo and Tyra explore some fresh ideas of ways to make the show interesting and different. They dismiss J-Mo’s idea of a baby version of the show but it leads Tyra to the realization that she should have college girls this cycle. Somehow this inspires her to create a fourth judge, which will be the audience. It’s all very riveting.

 

Harvard has an acting school, you know.

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Luscious
About

Luscious just got back from a one year backpacking trip around the world with her husband (TVgasm fill-in specialist, The Professor). She spends her days writing, knitting and sewing. She's only good at one of those hobbies, not saying which.  Her secret dream is to write romance novels and have critics say her brilliance is wasted on such a pointless genre. Also, she'd like to create a pair of pajamas for her niece where the sleeves actually work.

22 Comments

  1. 1
    Parisi LaRoe Parisi LaRoe
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 6:27 am

    Great recaP! I really found it totes ferosh. I loved how clever you were calling that guy J-Mo. I took a second look at him and I couldn’t believe it. You totally called it Luscious! I hope he is on more this season.

    I have to say one thing. Doesn’t She-Ra look like Maggie Q on Nikita?

    Anyway, great recap again Luscious. I look forward to reading more of them this season. May the 19th Cycle begin!

  2. 2
    Lizbot
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 6:30 am

    I’m only about half-way through this recap, but I had to pause and say:
    1) You’re brilliant, Luscious! I’m not an ANTM fan, but I will be coming back again and again for your recaps. You’re literally making me laugh out loud!
    2) Is it just me, or does Jasmine have a bit of a transexual look, and not just in the make-up. I”m not trying to be mean to her, but I”m just wondering if that will be some kind of a reveal later on in the season….
    3) I can’t tell you how disappointed I was when I realized that the hot male model in the judgey group shot was not Tyosn Beckford and instead was some kid I’ve never heard of who is FAR less attractive imo. Certainly not hot enough to have me screaming and falling over. But oh well….back to reading

  3. 3
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 7:13 am

    “fashion’s most powerful blogger.” What does this mean? I think these people have an incredibly inflated sense of self and of their celebrity, because unless you’re IN the rather small, insular world of fashion, these people mean NOTHING. Never heard of any of them, and I don’t care to.

    I will read your brilliant recaps, but I won’t actually watch the new version of this crap show.

  4. 4
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 7:49 am

    Just got to the photos of the girls. Sorry, but Leila is ugly. Between the horrible teeth and the masculine face, I’m sure Tyrant will love her…but I will not.

    I think Jessie is cute…but I’m afraid her face will be called “catalog” before she gets the boot.

    Jasmine? Ugly. Especially the faces she makes. And she looks decidedly older than 22.

    Kiara is beautiful, but being a basketball player, will likely have trouble striking the feminine poses needed for some of the shoots.

    Did Aallyyssaa’s mom keep her finger on each letter key too long?

    Nastasia has crazy eyes, a weird upper lip, and a snaggle tooth. Yeah…that says High Fashion.

    Of course Darian made it. Her name is odd, and you can count her ribs.

    Kelly only likes stupid contestants.

    Maybe I’m old, or possibly dead, but I don’t find Rob attractive in any way. He does nothing for me.

    By the way, home-schooled hasn’t meant unsocialized for about two decades. Home-schooled kids still participate in sports, artistic endeavors, and other groups that allow them interaction with people their own age. And, because of the more stringent guidelines and rules in place, home-schooled kids are more often than not, pretty intelligent. I’m certain Victoria was chosen because she does seem to be backward socially, but that doesn’t make her representative of home-schoolers.

    GREAT recap.

  5. 5
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 9:28 am

    OK just started this great recap, but I gotta tell you – if she actually had JMo as her “number one” this show would be a MILLION times better.

  6. 6
    carol
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 9:49 am

    haven’t read the recap yet, but found this article a couple of days ago and wanted to share, it sums up Tyra and Harvard perfectly:

    http://jezebel.com/5937660/tyra-banks-needs-to-stop-lying-about-going-to-harvard-business-school

  7. 7
    carol
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 11:23 am

    This was a great recap, thanks. Looking forward to this cycle because we will have these great recaps.

    Since the voting is online, shouldn’t we already know who is in the finals? Voting online only works if the show is done live, which we all know Tyra would never go for.

    These girls seems really skinny. Maybe it was my tv messing up the picture but they seem skinner than normal. Or it could be the super short shorts that are in fashion.

    I really hope this season has a lot of shaved heads and super short bobs. You know a lot of these girls think their best feature is their hair. The tears will be epic.

  8. 8
    Detinha
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Loved the recap, Lus! I don’t watch the show, but will read you!

    And just to be on the disagreeing side, I don’t think the “hot model guy” is pretty! I miss Mrs. J!! and Nigel and J Man! :(

  9. 9
    Brenda Sparks
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Fantastic recap! You are very cleaver Luscious, “OMS meant Overly Marketed Stupidshit.” You totally called it!

  10. 10
    Mummy Butterfly
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    LOVE the recap – liked most of the girls – agree with cattyfan (comment #4) about homeschoolers. As a homeschooling Mum, the whole sterotype that ANTM is pushing is from YEARS ago.

    My oldest homeschooler broke his wrist yesterday at his football game (playing against a private school team), while his younger brother cheered on the sidelines (yes, a boy cheerleader). My kids have more socialization than most of the public school kids in our area, mostly because they are constantly doing stuff ALL DAY LONG.

    In short – boo on ANTM, for picking the girl who’s Momma obviously picked homeschooling in order to keep her “baby” at home and protect her from the “big bad world”. Great recap!

  11. 11
    Natalie
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    The other thing about Liberty University… it’s not just an online school. The school was founded by Jerry Falwell. She won’t be doing the naked photoshoot for sure.

  12. 12
    Meaghan
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    Totes Snag is who I’ve gotta root for, since she’s from my home state (although I don’t currently attend URI, but I do have friends who do). But I like Jessie, too. Hopefully she won’t be the Heather/Allison/other quirky girl of the cycle.

  13. 13
    Cheergirl
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 11:07 pm

    i’m really mad! how do you lie about going to business school? i’m sure no one would have cared if she told the truth. she doesn’t even have an undergrad degree. ugh i hate her higher than thou attitude already and now to think that this whole harvard business school graduate crap is a lie makes me hate her even more. why is this show even on still?

    great recap btw

  14. 14
    emily
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 11:16 pm

    I did not know that this season even started i guess the only way people found out was if they watch the CW. You think with 19 seasons(i kind of think this one is the last) they would have done a season of male models.

  15. 15
    LadyStardust
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 2:03 am

    Yeah, Liberty University isn’t just an online school. It’s a private, Christian college in Virginia. A friend of mine went there, so I visited during one of their “college weekend” things when I was in high school. They are SUPER strict (on the Christian college scale even – I went to a different, much more liberal and less strict Christian university). I wouldn’t have survived at Liberty.

    My mouth fell open when whoever (I can’t tell these guys apart yet – I’ve also never heard of any of them besides Kelly) told Leila that she looked just like Kristen Stewart. Uh…a busted version maybe. I’m no KStew fan, but I’ll admit the girl is gorgeous despite her constant bored/stoned face. Leila’s okay if she keeps her mouth shut. Her voice is irritating and that gap is not cute.

    And the dumpster diving girl who goes to an Aveda institute? Um, Aveda and Paul Mitchell are some of the most expensive beauty school’s out there. If she can afford tuition to an Aveda institute, there’s no way she’s as poor as she says. If so, why not go to a community college cosmetology program or a smaller (cheaper) school? I’m not sure what kind (if any) scholarships they give out, but unless she has a full ride then I call bullshit on her story. According to a quick google search, Aveda tuition costs around $15 to 20k, depending on the location.

    Luscious – great recap. I was a little worried when I saw P-Baby wasn’t recapping this season, but you did a great job.

  16. 16
    MrsMiaWallace MrsMiaWallace
    Posted August 28, 2012 at 12:35 am

    Awesome recap! Hilarious slang too to keep us oldies in the know!

    The Tyra Harvard thing I give a half pass on. I have attended a Harvard Executive Education program and it has no education requirements – only experience/what you’ve accomplished in light of the program you are applying for. It is not “hard” in the sense that there are no tests and no degree, but it is immersive and you stay on-campus and do a lot of group work and studying and it really is a top-notch program. It should be for the money you pay! It mimics HBS to some degree and is held next to (and some classes on) the HBS campus so it is easy to call it Harvard Business School when in reality it is seminars for professionals. Based on my and my coworkers’ experiences I know she got a lot out of it and was really affected and inspired, but she needs to be a little more clear in throwing around the HBS name because a Harvard MBA is a whole different story.

    Also I think Friday time slot is ideal for her demographic. She wants high school and college age girls to tune in and at that age you are either home without a driver’s license or not heading out to party until after this show airs. This is definitely something I would have watched in the dorms with my roommates while getting ready on a Friday night. I’m with you though, after working all day if I’m not out and about by 8 I am probably staying in Friday!

    I am glad the show went back to a slightly more traditional format and I miss Nigel and Jay but think what she’s shooting for needs to be younger so I get it but I do NOT like the model guy. Besides the awful mush-mouth accent he is way too young to judge these chicks. If she had someone from a past season who had really hit it big that would’ve made a great judge, but this guy is basically a peer!

    Love your work and can’t wait to watch this season with you making me laugh at every episode!

  17. 17
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Oh, Tyra. What have you done? I miss the Js so much (and Nigel, too). Besides Kelly who the frick are the numbnuts? We KNOW Jay Manuel can direct a shoot. What about this new guy? Ugh.

    I love Leila’s look. I think/hope you’re right, Luscious, that the other girls need to watch out for her.

    @carol: Yes yes YES! Almost every single one (not Jessie – hmm who else?) has loooong hair. Mwa ha ha. I hope that bitchy little twit that believes she can rely on her looks alone will get a spiky red bob or a Mia Farrow cut. I’m gonna be so pissed if, because voting took place before we could really tell if the girls were assholes or not, we get a stuck-up, entitled, insipid little bitch winner.

  18. 18
    Closet ANTMfan
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    OMG this is the best ANTM recap I have read so far. I feel like they have been squeezing out Ms. J for a while now but no Mr. J and no Nigel? Ugh, its going to be hard to watch. Well this recap is def keeping the show fresh and I look forward to reading them.

  19. 19
    Hepatitis Bieb
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    a) Why is Victoria, who is so proud of her Jewish heritage, going to Jerry Falwell’s college?!

    b) Tyra does realize that these “college girls” are the same age as the contestants on every cycle… right?

  20. 20
    realhousewivesfan
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    its annoying how Tyra has to insist of making every cycle of Top model for now on its own “edition” of something. Luckily this college season doesn’t change anything at all besides the Judges. Looks like a good season :) i was horrified by how Terrible last year was, luckily i have now forgotton the whole thing!

  21. 21
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    I wholeheartedly disagree, realhousewivesfan. Last cycle was one of the most awesome cycles ever. Besides the right girl actually winning, you had tons of comedy from the Brits (they were hilarious), ever (EVER!) so much panel drama, house drama, “Hi, I’m Kyle! I smile for miles!” and “Hey, girl, hey, I’m Seymone,” plus Nigel, Ms. J, and Mr. Jay. It. Was. Awesome.

    This season looks like suckage on toast. I felt like I was drunk while watching this episode because I had no effing clue what was going on or what was happening. It was just weird.

    Johnny Wujek is effing hot as hell, but the show’s jumped the shark kids and it’s become a piece of fetid poo.

    So, of course I’ll be watching the entire cycle.

  22. 22
    Goodnight
    Posted September 14, 2012 at 1:33 am

    Don’t knock the archaeology/religion combo, it’s totes legit. I’m studying archaeology as a major and religion as a minor myself! Actually, I’m surprised to see someone else with the same combo.

    But not at Harvard. So I guess I don’t count, do I, Tyra?

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