ANTM – WTF Just Happened?

Recaps

By Luscious | Friday, May 11, 2012 | 1:11 pm | 14 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: America's Next Top Model, Recaps

The girls jump in the van and head to Hong Kong and Laura spends the time wondering when she’ll get to have intercourse again.  She’s seriously got sex on the brain. While Sophie looks at the Hong Kong skyline and compares it to video games, Laura sees all the skyscrapers as penises.

They arrive to find Ms. J dressed like something between a 1960′s Barbara Streisand and a 1970′s Cher with a touch of samurai. I guess he’s planning on being the damsel in distress as he introduces famous actor/singer/model (okay, fine so maybe it can happen – in ASIA!!!!) Nicholas Tse.

 

Save me, oh fierce and mighty warrior!

A choreographed fight breaks out.

It’s pretty cool.

Laura is practically orgasming.

I love that while it is happening, Alisha wonders if she’s gonna have to step in and break it up. She truly is from a rougher side of town!

After Nicholas kicks the butt of the fighters, he tells the girls they are going to have to fight and act on camera. The winner will return to Hong Kong to be in his next music video. Because she won best photo last week, Laura gets to train with Nicholas.

This time it happens for sure.

The girls practice their moves. Eboni thinks she’s got the upper hand because she got a yellow belt in tae kwon do when she was like eight. Although I suppose for her that was only a few years ago. Annaliese thinks she’s got it because she did gymnastics for ten years. Alisha says she’s a shoe-in because she watches her brother do karate every Friday night.

 

My money is on Alisha.

 

Sophie hopes a unique comedic performance will make up for lack of skill.

The girls practice their lines for the scene and after we hear Eboni whine about how unfair it was that Laura got to practice with Nicholas, it’s time for the cameras to roll.

They each get only one take and Eboni is up first:

Ripping off jacket: super hot
Acting and sparring: super not

Alicia:

Could be Victim Number One in those slasher flicks
But recovers it all with her punches and kicks

Annaliese:

Acting top notch and fighting very good
This girl delivered the way one should

Laura:

Brangelina you are not.
The acting was cheesy – good thing you’re hot.

 

Sophie:

Doesn’t matter that you’re such a bad fighter
Your acting was good and you make my day brighter

 

After the performances are finished, Nicholas compliments them on all their work, but it’s Laura and her ridiculously cheesy hair flicking that wins the prize. PLEASE – Annaliese did so much better than Laura overall and Sophie’s acting and Alisha’s fighting were definitely better.

But the girls are no match for Laura’s innuendos.

 Alisha is hella mad that she didn’t get picked.

 

She’s right to be mad that Laura won, but I
still don’t think Alisha was the top performer.

Nevertheless, there is definitely resentment in the house and when Sophie says Nicholas was eye sexing Laura, Laura admits that she was eye sexing him. Then she says she “wouldn’t mind” having sex with Nicholas. Silly little Eboni says Laura is going to sleep her way to the top.

I’ll bitch slap anyone who ever says that again!

It’s the next morning and at 5:30 AM, the styling team invades the girls’ rooms to get them ready for their photo shoot.

Is scotch tape the secret to thirtynever?

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Luscious
About

Luscious just got back from a one year backpacking trip around the world with her husband (TVgasm fill-in specialist, The Professor). She spends her days writing, knitting and sewing. She's only good at one of those hobbies, not saying which.  Her secret dream is to write romance novels and have critics say her brilliance is wasted on such a pointless genre. Also, she'd like to create a pair of pajamas for her niece where the sleeves actually work.

14 Comments

  1. 1
    Moli Moli
    Posted May 11, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    I swore Alisha was going to win this thing. I loved her how is it possible to have legs that long and beautiful. The woman was beautiful with a body to match! And lets not even talk about that gorgeous completion. I would want Annaliese to win but the judges are right she is a spokesperson/host. But, taking into consideration Tyra wants these girls to have something besides modeling to fall on…she would be a good choice. Thank bob that little snit Eboni is gone, she annoyed me.

  2. 2
    ANTM Fan
    Posted May 11, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Off the top of my head, I can only think of one model who launched successful singing and acting careers: Mark Wahlberg. There are plenty of models who became famous actresses, though (Cameron Diaz, Halle Berry, Candace Bergen, Brooke Shields, etc.).

  3. 3
    carol
    Posted May 11, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    I thought it was awesome that Tyra made both girls leave and didn’t let 30-never stay just because Legs wanted to leave. (Sorry, I can’t remember their names and now that the recaps are on multiple pages, I can’t scroll up to look).

    I don’t understand how girl-with-the-pink-hair’s hair keeps on changing from bright pink to white to light pink. When did they film the private interviews??

    I really dislike the judge that was also on The Hills, I think Kelly. She is always so bitter. The attitude she treats the girls with is almost like she is taking out a life time of jealousy against them. Also, Tyra and the other judges keep telling the girls things they need to learn and work on, should they be helping/teaching them these things? These are girls that are just trying to start in the industry. In earlier seasons the photo shoots all revolved around different aspects of modeling things you need to know (working your angles, make-up, etc). Now they just seem to be going for the weird and extreme.

  4. 4
    aliens.rock
    Posted May 11, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    Why are the recaps on multiple pages? I thought that you decided to change the format a while ago, and it definietly worked better (single page)…anyhoo…
    I can give you 2 names of models becoming famous actresses: Cameron Diaz and Charlize Theron.
    I am sure it can happen. However, can you give me 1 name of famous MODEL who become famous because of ANTM??? It is a stupid show produced only to make Tyra and her sidekicks more marketable. The girls are just meat, puppets used for the show. They make some money, gain a little publicity, but at the end of the day, as evryone points out, where are those renowned Cover Girl commercials. I have never seen even one!!! It is BS…
    Honestly, I don’t even watch the show. I read the recaps to laugh at Tyra’s facial expressions. and to look at the kitty porn.Tyra thinks she is IT. Gurl, you ain’t all that and a bag of potato chips…

  5. 5
    Moli Moli
    Posted May 11, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    All the former model turned actor are male. While I have seen female model in movie and on television shows, they are usually horrible…i.e Tyra and Eva the Diva. But, never the less I think Grace Jones should have played Storm in the X-Men movie instead of short ugh Halle Berry.

  6. 6
    LooneyLioness LooneyLioness
    Posted May 11, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    Kelly is such a massive hater. @Luscious, loved your bad photos of the self-absorbed “Oh poor me’s”. Hehe.

  7. 7
    leslilly
    Posted May 12, 2012 at 9:49 pm

    I think Laura is going to win. Boo. She’s an odd one in the sense that she’s trashy & unattractive. Even gross, really (IMHO), but she photographs well.

    The challenge actually pissed me off because I thought Anneliese kicked ass.

  8. 8
    SexyPanda
    Posted May 13, 2012 at 6:53 am

    awesome recap!! Thanks so much! what an episode… I am going to miss Alisha! I am NOT going to miss Eboni!

    yesterday, I bought a tiny saddle and mini sombrero to put on the cats in their next photo shoot. They better smize and give me good angles, if they know what’s good for them. (i miss my babies so much!)

    See you next/this week!

  9. 9
    Jo
    Posted May 14, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    Annelise from Cycle 11 (McKee won) is a successful actress…

  10. 10
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted May 15, 2012 at 9:20 am

    ^ She doesn’t count though because she was never a very good or commercially successful model.

  11. 11
    (J)ustPeachy
    Posted May 15, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    I just had to pause at “This time it happens for sure.” because I was laughing so hard I couldn’t read.
    You are cracking me up! Okay, back to reading.

  12. 12
    PopePhilly SweetRoisinDubh
    Posted May 16, 2012 at 9:52 am

    I’m going to defend Laura a bit. I think it’s unfair to say someone is “sleeping her way to the top” when she hasn’t, you know, actually slept with anyone.

    Saying you would sleep with a famous person is not the same as trying to seduce them. I want to sleep with Edward Norton. Quick! Someone tell me that I’m sleeping my way to fame!

  13. 13
    (J)ustPeachy
    Posted May 16, 2012 at 11:23 am

    I hate that Alicia/Alisha quit. She kept ending in bottom two but Tyra always saved her. I can’t believe she would just give up so close to the end. I am glad that Ebony/Eboni went home, as it was way past her time.

    Thank you so much for the recap! My stomach was hurting from laughing so much. I loved the photo captions, especially the rhyming ones.

    I can’t wait to see the photos from the kitty photo shoot.

  14. 14
    realhousewivesfan
    Posted May 16, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    thank god only 3 are left! if Tyra has UNSEEN footage next week i aint watching. i Hope Laura wins, if not i may just strike next season, FOR SURE if its another wierd edition,
    “ALL-STAR”
    “BRITISH INVASION”
    Give Us another real high fashion installment!!
    i liked the seasons when Ann and Brittany won.

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