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OK, you guys. Ready to go around the world? In 80 plates? Does that title make any sense whatsoever?
Firstly, let’s discuss the ridiculous amount of cooking shows on the boob tube right now. Top Chef, Top Chef Masters, Iron Chef (original and America), Chopped, Food Network Star, Rachel Ray (all 10 of her shows), Martha Stewart, Ten Dollar Dinners, Cupcake Wars (I mean, really???), Down Home With the Neelys, Guy’s Big Bite (ugh), Giada at Home, Barefoot Contessa, Sandwich King, Secrets of a Restaurant Chef, Restaurant Stakeout, Hell’s Kitchen, Restaurant Nightmares – (deep breath) – Paula’s Disease Giving Cookin’, Rocco’s Famewhore Dinner Party, Spicy Latina Lady Talks About Her Grandma, Nigella’s Sexy Bosom Cooks For You, Crazy Haired Blonde Woman Cooks While Wearing Crocs, Scary Ass Bald Man Forces People to Make Weird Desserts, Balding Italian Older Woman Makes Pasta, Pretentious Napa Asshole Pretends to be Relatable, The MUTHAF’IN SHOW called The Chew!!!
I could go on and on (because there are literally another 75 shows to list currently on the Food Network and Cooking Channel), but the point is – do we really need another food based reality show?
At the very least, ATWI80P has a hook – they are cooking around the world! As a HUGE fan of The Amazing Race I can appreciate the concept. Even in The Amazing Race’s lesser seasons, I have been able to appreciate the gorgeous scenery and the sheer awesomeness of imagining myself in such incredibly kick ass, somewhat terrifying situations. Unfortunately the first epi of ATWI80P brought all the tourist porn of one of Tyra’s horrible “go sees” from ANTM. We did get a great shot of Big Ben! – which was identified as the Tower of London because, well – Americans are horrible. Sigh.
The show begins with the contestants (chefs? players? sterotypical Bravo bait?) being told they have made the show. Well, some of them are shown, the rest are doled out as the show moves along. Kinda weird/confusing. I didn’t know the Asian girl even existed until 45 minutes in. Why am I having visions of Beverly?
So basically as of now the only people you need to pay attention to are:
Cheven (chef + Keven = Cheven) Holy shit. Kill him with fire.
Sai – She asks the immortal question “Would you rather fuck Paula Deen, Rachel Ray, or me?” She supplies glamour shots to give us allow us to give an educated answer. I’m going with Paula Deen.
Gary – The funny homo. I bet he met Andy Cohen on A4A. He’s fun actually, the only fun one in the whole batch.
Nookie – This one. He’s a wannabe asshole villain. He did get someone else voted out when he had the worst dish, but his act doesn’t quite cut the mustard. HA! See what I did there?
Chaz – Funny or annoying? You be the judge! (from the commercial bumper towards the end, I’m going with annoying)
The 12 cheftestants (has that word been used already? oh well…) meet Curtis and Cat in a London pub. From here on out Curtis will be referred to as the sponsor whore from The Biggest Loser. Kidding!!! Kind of. No, he will called Aussie Bear.