Around the World in 80 Plates – Wow, Didn’t Think There Would Be Nudity So Soon, Right?

Recaps

By Foggywood | Sunday, May 13, 2012 | 1:09 am | 9 Comments
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Posted in: Around the World in 80 Plates, Recaps

OK, you guys. Ready to go around the world? In 80 plates? Does that title make any sense whatsoever?

Firstly, let’s discuss the ridiculous amount of cooking shows on the boob tube right now. Top Chef, Top Chef Masters, Iron Chef (original and America), Chopped, Food Network Star, Rachel Ray (all 10 of her shows), Martha Stewart, Ten Dollar Dinners, Cupcake Wars (I mean, really???), Down Home With the Neelys, Guy’s Big Bite (ugh),  Giada at Home, Barefoot Contessa, Sandwich King, Secrets of a Restaurant Chef, Restaurant Stakeout, Hell’s Kitchen, Restaurant Nightmares – (deep breath) – Paula’s Disease Giving Cookin’, Rocco’s Famewhore Dinner Party, Spicy Latina Lady Talks About Her Grandma, Nigella’s Sexy Bosom Cooks For You, Crazy Haired Blonde Woman Cooks While Wearing Crocs, Scary Ass Bald Man Forces People to Make Weird Desserts, Balding Italian Older Woman Makes Pasta, Pretentious Napa Asshole Pretends to be Relatable, The MUTHAF’IN SHOW called The Chew!!!

I could go on and on (because there are literally another 75 shows to list currently on the Food Network and Cooking Channel), but the point is – do we really need another food based reality show?

At the very least, ATWI80P has a hook – they are cooking around the world! As a HUGE fan of The Amazing Race I can appreciate the concept. Even in The Amazing Race’s lesser seasons, I have been able to appreciate the gorgeous scenery and the sheer awesomeness of imagining myself in such incredibly kick ass, somewhat terrifying situations. Unfortunately the first epi of ATWI80P brought all the tourist porn of one of Tyra’s horrible “go sees” from ANTM. We did get a great shot of Big Ben! – which was identified as the Tower of London because, well – Americans are horrible. Sigh.


Not the Tower of London, Miss Brilliant.  Although I’m sure the Tower is accepting guests.

The show begins with the contestants (chefs? players? sterotypical Bravo bait?) being told they have made the show. Well, some of them are shown, the rest are doled out as the show moves along. Kinda weird/confusing. I didn’t know the Asian girl even existed until 45 minutes in.  Why am I having visions of Beverly? 

So basically as of now the only people you need to pay attention to are:

Cheven (chef + Keven = Cheven) Holy shit. Kill him with fire.


I guess if he admitted to the fact he was going bald, he wouldn’t be able to pull off the double earrings look, huh? 

Sai – She asks the immortal question “Would you rather fuck Paula Deen, Rachel Ray, or me?” She supplies glamour shots to give us allow us to give an educated answer. I’m going with Paula Deen.


She is giving Minnie Mouse realness though, right?

Gary – The funny homo. I bet he met Andy Cohen on A4A. He’s fun actually, the only fun one in the whole batch.


Remember when those scarves were in style?  Yeah, me too.

Nookie – This one. He’s a wannabe asshole villain. He did get someone else voted out when he had the worst dish, but his act doesn’t quite cut the mustard. HA! See what I did there?


The love child of James Gandolfini and Rosie O’Donnell

Chaz – Funny or annoying? You be the judge! (from the commercial bumper towards the end, I’m going with annoying)


Dude is looking fresh – no shade here.  But you are still annoying.  BUT you have the same name as the most famous transexual in history. So +500 points for that.

The 12 cheftestants (has that word been used already? oh well…) meet Curtis and Cat in a London pub. From here on out Curtis will be referred to as the sponsor whore from The Biggest Loser. Kidding!!! Kind of. No, he will called Aussie Bear.


Does anyone else remember this?  The candy?  With the hot air balloon commercial?

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Foggywood
About

Jonathan Mallen grew up in San Francisco, went to college at Santa Clara University, and has spent the bulk of his youth living and dying in LA.  

Don't worry, mostly living.  

He has worked as an actor, teacher, limo driver, waiter, personal assistant, office assistant,  script reader, retail associate, stylist...the list goes on and on.

He is very happy to add BLOGGER to his illustrious resume.

9 Comments

  1. 1
    J-Mo J-Mo
    Posted May 13, 2012 at 2:21 am

    LOL at “Minnie Mouse Realness”… I’d prefer to fuck an apple pie than that Sai chick… and something tells me all the mirrors in her house have a slight vertical-running concavity to them… it’s the only way I can think of to explain her being so convinced of her hotness.

    Just want to point out that Chaz Brown (or Chazzy as I liked to call him for the short time I saw him) is a reject from last season’s Top Chef Texas (http://www.tvgasm.com/recaps/top-chef-recap-the-bubble-bursts.html) who didn’t make it onto the show because he couldn’t get his risotto plated in time. EMBARRASSING!

    love, J-Mo :)

  2. 2
    MelBell
    Posted May 13, 2012 at 5:21 am

    Towards the end of the show, during their little confessional interviews, I could not get over how big “Cheven” nostrils are…they were totally distracting.

  3. 3
    Homer
    Posted May 13, 2012 at 8:05 am

    Omg!! I didn’t even watch this episode and this was a hilarious read. Ah yes, I agree with the 56895325 shows about cooking that are now on tv. I love Nigella. Love.Her. This show does have an interesting concept and I love The Amazing Race as well, so after reading your review I’m going to start watching. Chaz sounds like trouble for sure. Anyone that doesn’t know the difference between Big Ben and Tower of London when you are actually IN London scares me.
    P.S. I was sad Ringer wasn’t coming back, but now that I know you are writing these reviews all is good again!

  4. 4
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 13, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Oh J-Mo, so nice to have you as the “insider” for this show. Now all we need is a wacko chef to defend, um, something. We could get upwards of a dozen comments.

    Just think!

    Missed the show, too, but thanks to your recap foggy, I’m listing it as a fave.

  5. 5
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted May 13, 2012 at 11:09 am

    Did anyone else get the feeling that the teams get swapped at some point during the season, based on the clips they showed? I actually like this show, mainly because it is a mashup of Survivor, the Amazing Race, and Top Chef. I don’t know what to make of the cast so far, but as the show moves along, I think the show will get better. I’ll be along for the ride for the rest of the season.

  6. 6
    Casey
    Posted May 13, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Loved your recap! I wasn’t going to watch this show, but now I will so I can follow along with your recaps! I don’t even pretend to cook so I can’t explain why I enjoy so many of the competition cooking shows. I like the premise of this one though.

    That’s Cat’s partner? They look like sisters. I want two mommies too!

  7. 7
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted May 14, 2012 at 5:49 am

    Cat Cora is MILFalicious! (I want two mommies too. But perhaps not in the way others were thinking.)

    Fucking Chaz. If you want to do yoga, good for you. It’s not a fuckin’ way of life. Keep your humble, respectful, showy little bows to yourself, yogasshole. Say “namaste” to me and I swear I’ll make one of your eyeballs leak.

  8. 8
    LAC LAC
    Posted May 14, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Foggy!! Thanks for the great first recap of this show. I am intrigued by this show, love Cat Cora and Curtis Stone as hosts. Done the nice comment thang, now time to snark…

    Chefs I am getting DIAF vibes on already: Cheven: (really, dude? You made your renaming a concept, did you? How does chedouche sound?), Nookie: another reason to absolutely loathe the Red Sox. I was hoping for a collapse in the streets (something that the Red Sox are familiar with…bada bing!) . And cramming food and drink like that while you are running through the streets seems to a recipe (get it?) for upchucking. That said, the blood sausage dish and Pimm’s Cup looked good to me. I don’t know why quaffing a beer down took precedence over knowing what a steak and kidney pie tasted like. I put that solely at the feet of the Nookie! ;)

    I don’t dislike the Chazz yet. He took charge of the kitchen, so I would tell the others to quit their bitching! Somebody had to do it, and I thought it was hilarious how huffy they got about it. Don’t some of them work in restaurant kitchens?

    Well, I look forward to the show and the recaps!

  9. 9
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted May 14, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    Cat Cora and her partner look so alike. For a minute, I was trying to figure out if someone had photoshopped two different pictures of her into one. I feel bad for her though because I feel like if the ground opened up and swallowed her in the middle of filming, nobody would have noticed. It’s pretty much the Curtis Stone show, which I don’t mind because he is like a sexual eucalyptus tree. I want to be the koala living in his branches.

    Cheven is such a pathetic loser. He should just admit it and get help for his condition, instead of pretending to be some badass. The look on his face when Chaz took credit for his bread pudding idea had me rolling. He looked like a flamingo in the headlights of a Mack truck.

    And the chefs on the red team are the stupidest group of idiots I have ever seen. I like them more because all the assholes seem to have congregated on the black team, but they are dumb. Why did they let Nookie play them like that? I don’t feel that bad for Clara though because she is also stupid. Why talk to Nookie? Why not talk to that skinny asian girl (don’t even remember her name)? It would be like talking to a tree…nobody would ever know what she said. But no, she went and talked to a blimp, who of course broadcasted her shit all over the place.

    P.S. I love Sweet Genius. It doesn’t make any sense, but that is my show. And it’s a good way to end a terrible date. Just take your date’s hand, look longingly into his/her eyes, and smile just like Ron Ben-Israel while saying, “You belong in my world of desserts”.

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