Bachelor Pad 3 Recap- Boobs and Baseball

Recaps

By Jane and Blanche | Thursday, August 16, 2012 | 9:44 am | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Bachelor Pad, Recaps

Most of these personal questions are pretty lame but Jamie does say that Jaclyn is the most fake and Blakeley says that Jamie is the most annoying. So now Jamie is in tears because she, “gets punished for being sooo honest.” Jamie wouldn’t know honesty if it had green eyes, blonde hair and kissed her on the mouth (which he did, in the first episode).

Several of the guys try to console Jamie, others are avoiding her like the plague. Surprisingly Kalon is in the comfort camp; as he puts it, “When you put a dog down, you stroke its head, right?” How can anyone hate this guy?

Blakeley approaches Chris about his inappropriate cheering of another girl. Chris squirms out of it and tells us that he is frightened of her aggressiveness. At this point, she seems more like the crazy ex-girlfriend who is struggling to hold on to her man.

Jaclyn’s ready to announce who her date would be. Sarah is ready too because she is tired of “sharing” Ed with Jaclyn. Does Sarah remember voting to send Ed home ? And then calling him stupid to his face?  She is now coming up into 3rd place for the most wacked out woman on the show, close behind Blakeley and Jamie. Sarah’s hopes are dashed when Jaclyn decides to take Ed out on her date. No one was expecting this because Ed already has a rose- how will the show ever sort all this out?

Ed and Jaclyn are treated to a night alone in Dodger Stadium with the obligatory shot of Ed teaching Jaclyn how to swing a bat. We can see why Jaclyn would want to date Ed; he’s funny, cute, fun, great to talk to. The perfect girlfriend. Dinner is a picnic on the field where they get to share a wiener. A rose appears with a note instructing Jaclyn to give the rose to a different guy who will then get to go on a date. Jaclyn trusts her partner to help make the decision.

 Lady and the Tramp- your guess who’s who 

Back at the house, Chris and Blakeley share separately that they can’t trust each other. Chris feels Blakeley is way too much work. His goal is $250,000, he should have to work for it, right?

Ed and Jaclyn are discussing who should get the rose. Jaclyn thinks Kalon should get it so he can take out Lindzi but Ed “completely trusts” Chris. “Chris and I swore we’d be together until the end.” Does he sound more like Blakeley or Jamie, we can’t decide. 

Back at the house, Chris tells us that while he knows Jamie is a whack-a-doodle, “she is really hot and I can’t stop looking at her boobs.” What a catch this guy is, no wonder all the girls are fighting over him. Crazy Jamie is crazy drunk and follows Chris to bed but can’t stop talking. “She’s a pretty girl but she’s a yapper.” Says Chris, so he kisses her to shut her up even though he just isn’t feeling any sparks. Surely Jamie can tell this guy is not genuine, that he is playing her. Sadly, no. She spends several minutes rhapsodizing about how wonderful Chris is, how great it is to be in his arms and how she loves walking into a room knowing  that he is her man. Good GOD, Gasmii!! This is painful!! They should show this video to all 6th grade girls across America to teach them how NOT to be!!

Was the question about Chris or Jamie?

Ed and Jaclyn return to the house with a rose to give. They decide to give the rose to Chris. Jamie is over the moon because she will get to go out on a date with her man. Blakeley is also excited because even though he was in bed with another woman last night, he is her partner and she took him on a date. This isn’t a fair argument though because hers was a group date and he only gets to pick one woman. Oh and, she’s a nutjob. But it’s all moot anyway- Chris asks Sarah on the date. Waah waah.

The only thing more awesome than Sarah’s surprised face was Jamie quickly returning to her seat after realizing she didn’t get picked. We see more tears in her future.

One thing we can say about Chris, he likes his brown-haired girls. At least he does now, do you think since being jilted by blonde Emily he’s staying away from those yellow-haired devils?

Blakeley corners Chris wondering why he didn’t pick her. She’s finally starting to realize Chris can’t be trusted. Well, HALLELUJAH! Maybe she can now convince Jamie, Sarah and Ed.

Jamie also wants to know why she didn’t get picked. Chris tells her it’s to protect her from Blakeley’s wrath; see he wanted to take her but he just couldn’t. Not only does Jamie swallow this hook, line and sinker but she feels bad for Chris. He’s in a bad position and he’s so loyal that it makes him more attractive and he’s protecting her and he’s likes her so much and he doesn’t enjoy inflicting pain on others. What color is the sky in Jamie’s world?  What color is shockingly pathetic.

Chris is looking forward to a light and fun date with Sarah. Sarah is looking forward to a romantic date with good-looking Chris.

Their “action” date turns out to be an action movie theme. The car speeds around and around ending at what looks like a really bad movie set.  A tiny asian man approaches and begins teaching them how to choreograph a fight scene. Couldn’t someone have warned Sarah that her tiny little mini dress would be inappropriate for throwing kicks? No?   They must figure it’s no big deal considering how rarely the cast has any clothes on.

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We grew up on the prairie; Blanche is older and became blind by her teenage years... Jane is the adorable younger sister, known as "half -pint." Ok, so that's not true but we were raised in Texas, so kinda close.

We're all grown up now and are official card-carrying members of the Asshole Social Society, it's kinda like an exclusive country club, but for snarky  people who have no money, and would rather stay home talking to the tv than to other people.

Growing up we fought like crazy but only during the commercials... Now we're sisters that love and respect each other, only on the 8's tho (kinda like the weather channel...)

We love all reality tv and meat products.

We will try to make you laugh but a majority of the time we just make ourselves laugh so you may get a raw deal.

People love us! At least to our face they do, which is proper southern etiquette .

12 Comments

  1. 1
    SuburBint
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Mauve. Mauve is the most pathetic color.

  2. 2
    Angela
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    I don’t really get the Blakely hate. I think she is just into the game and wanted Chris to be committed to her as a partner in the game and not anything else. And I like that she doesn’t suffer his crap now that she knows the score.

    As for Jamie, oh my! So uncomfortable to watch. Cringeworthy.

  3. 3
    carol
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    In that photo of Ed & Jaclyn, she looks like Hatchet-Face from “Cry-Baby”. As smarmy as Ed is when he drinks, he was pretty cute on that date. That was a pretty cool date, I’m betting it was one of the more expensive dates. Renting a baseball stadium is expensive.

    This whole thing about having a partner is just dumb. They are not eliminated as a pair, this last challenge was not done as a pair, so why are they so hung up on the random partner assignments from the very first episode? I think Michael has the right approach, he is actually using it to find someone he connects with, not someone that will help him get more screen time and publicity.

    Why do the girls all act like dogs around Chris? I don’t mean like a b**** or looking like a dog. They are like loyal dogs, the dog doesn’t really care if you hang out with another dog as long as you give it some love. But give another dog a treat/cookie, your dog will get a little jealous but then forget all about it again when you give it a scratch behind the ear.

  4. 4
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    Hi guys, Jane here:)

    @SuburBint, mauve is very pathetic indeed. especially since that was the color of Jamie’s face from crying constantly.
    @Angela,…. I just had the same convo with Blanche last night while we were writing this! I said the same thing “she’s a strong girl with an opinion, what’s wrong with that?” Blanche pointed out that she has whined this whole time wanting both Chris as a partner and a paaaaarrrrrtner. Her point was valid so I let her win. lol. I would’ve fought harder for blakeley IF she only would’ve said to america off screen “he’s a douche. I’m playing him”
    As for Jamie… sigh. we had to pause the DVR several times to go throw up. just shaking our head sad.
    @carol, I told Blanche I would’ve chosen Ed for the date too. he’s funny and cute. meh.

  5. 5
    leenie
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    I have watched all incarnations of the Bachelor franchise for years and I have never been so saddened by the way Jamie behaved. I try to never take these shows seriously, but I felt so bad that this is what is being represented and exploited. That girl seriously needs therapy. Something really effed up happened to her.

  6. 6
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    If Henry from Secret Life Of The American Teenager isn’t careful he’s going to end up looking just like Ed.

    It looked to me like Ed was real into the sportsball date. But not into Rachel. But with all of her voice overs she reminded me of how Jamie goes on about Lizard guy.

    So now Jamie’s gone maybe Rachel’s going to be the new Delusiona.

    I miss the Wonder Twins. (-_-;)

  7. 7
    Lizbot
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    I don’t watch the show, so I had to google Chris to find some clear pictures of him in an effort to figure out what all the fuss was about. I still don’t get it. He has big teeth and an unattractive smile. I couldn’t see anything physically appealing about him at all, and from your recaps it sounds like he wears his douchiness on his sleeve. So why are these girls fawning all over him?

    Although they all act like girls, I was surprised by that last screen shot of Jamie. From your description of her, I was expecting a young twenty something, someone whose youth could at least partially explain her naivete. But she looks older than me, and I’m pushing 40! All of these people need serious help.

    And as much as I enjoy your recaps, I can’t share your Kalon love. I have no love for sociopaths.

  8. 8
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    Re: Kalon- We have always loved the bad boy ;)

    Re: Ages- we think they are all lying about their ages. The age issue is why we don’t let Blakeley and Jamie off the hook for their behavior. They are definitely old enough to know how to at least act like an adult.

    Re: Partners- we shout at the TV each week about this issue. They have not had the same partner in any game so far and they don’t get kicked off together so what’s the big deal? Is it just to annoy the viewers?

  9. 9
    MrsMiaWallace MrsMiaWallace
    Posted August 17, 2012 at 6:28 am

    @J&B – great recap, I could only skim this episode, I’m impressed you turned it into a fun read!

    I’m so glad you pointed out that the fan knew the least Bachelor trivia. I thought it was funny that for all the dissing the cast did towards the “gross fans” they all knew little minutiae of seasons going back decades! Kinda shows who has no life and hangs on this franchise like it’s the only thing that validates their existence!

    Blanche is right, Blakely did correct her course but she’s got some good crazy going. You can also refer back to her multiple meltdowns, luggage room crying and scrapbook-making from her season for further evidence. It’s easy to see her as strong compared to the extreme psychosis of Jamie though. If Blakely knows what’s good for her she’d go everywhere with that girl.

    @Lizbot – Chris is odd looking to me too. I get why he could be seen as handsome but coupled with his personality he looks literally like a weasel to me. Specifically the villain weasels from Who Framed Roger Rabbit

  10. 10
    winks523
    Posted August 17, 2012 at 7:29 am

    I have been saying that Jaclyn looks like HATCHETFACE since her season with BEN!!!!

  11. 11
    Helena Handbasket
    Posted August 17, 2012 at 8:21 am

    To me, Chris has always had a definite Randy Quaid vibe about him…not sure why exactly. I still feel bad for Jamie – I hope she does find a way to dig her self-esteem out of the crapper.

  12. 12
    TV Junkie
    Posted August 19, 2012 at 8:35 am

    I can’ t stand Kalon or Chris…they are both into themslves and evil! Thank god Emily was smart enough to see through them and kicked them to the curb..is it possible when they hit the curb they hit their heads? Because they both think way too much of themselves..my money is on Chris going home next week..his cockiness..and his stupidly will work against him..telling people his plans??? plus he is the new guy..

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