Nick? Money sure does change people…
Well, Gasmii, they promised us the “most shocking and most disturbing” Bachelor Pad Finale ever and what did we get? Annoying and irritating? Sure. Mildly amusing and predictable? Definitely.
So what happened? Why all the hubbub? They made us wait 2 hours to tell us, we’re only going to make you wait about 2000 words.
The night started like any other “tell-all show” with past clips of all the drama. It’s been weeks since they all left the house, but let’s stir up some shit right off the bat…
Chris Harrison wants to know if Lindzi and Kalon are still together and they both confirm that they are. Erica Rose jumps right in to warn Lindzi to “be careful” because she’s seen Kalon around town with other girls and his ex-girlfriend. Kalon deflects without confirming or denying anything and Lindzi just looks awkward. We’re not sure what is going on there and we’re not sure we care but it’s fun to see everyone squirm.
Time to put Michael in the hot seat. First on the attack is Erica. She gets to call him a douche first. Then Jaclyn jumps on the douche train and tells him that he hurt Rachel and no-one is buying what he’s selling anymore. He thinks they were just having a “camp relationship” and nothing would come of it. Of course ABC has plenty of clips to show thousands of girls and women across the US that he is no different from any other guy who just wants to get laid.
Please still like me, I have albums to sell.
Jaclyn is put in the hot seat next. Jaclyn? Really? Who cares about Jaclyn? We want to hear from the twins! Or let’s trash Michael some more. Or make Kalon squirm, or find out how many layers of shellac Lindzi has on her face… Ok, no, we just want to hear the wonder twins fight some more.
Oh Wonder Twins, how we miss thee
Before Harrison grills Jaclyn we have to rehash the whole summer, ABC does this just to drag 2 hours out of a 1 hour show. Jaclyn talks about her feelings of betrayal from Rachel. She says she played the most loyal game and doesn’t understand how she isn’t in the final 4. Christ Jaclyn, get over it. She also says she was the puppet master of the game. Chris Harrison tells her she’s bitter. Way to state the obvious Chris.
Next up is Blakeley and Harrison jumps right in to discuss the animosity with Jamie. Blakeley says, “I have no opinion of Jamie.” Jamie says “I needed a partner, because obviously I didn’t want to partner with Ryan.” WOW Jamie! Way to grow a pair and become a dick all in 1 night. Jamie tells Blakeley and Jaclyn “there is no reason for you 2 not to like me.” Welllllll Jamie, I’m sorry to burst your bubble here but we can think of 10 reasons not to like you right off the bat. The bejeweled face and weird head-dress are at the top of the list. Jamie calls Jaclyn fake and Ed, the big ole girl that he is, steps right on in this stupid girl fight and says “Jaclyn is not fake. She’s the realist girl here!” Jaclyn then tells Jamie “You’re socially awkward and you don’t know how to talk to girls.” Jaclyn then turns it back to Harrison saying “just because I’m not friends with Jamie doesn’t mean I’m an awful person.” She’s totally right! She’s just awful in other ways without Jamie as a friend. Harrison decides this discussion has gone on way too long and brings it back to Blakeley, who is probably fuming because she’s getting jipped out of air time once again by Jamie.