Bachelor Pad Recap: From Diamonds to Diamondbacks

Blakeley gives her rose to Kalon and picks the overnight date. Which means Kalon gets to go on a date with Lindzi. She opens a big box full of diamonds and Kalon opens a box with keys to a Bentley. Blakeley is tempering her jealousy with dreams of grandeur for her overnight date. Funny how she never mentions Tony in any of her dreaming- do you think she forgot he was going?

Your tax dollars hard at work.

Kalon and Lindzi’s date takes place on a bridge that has been shut down just for them.  Isn’t California traffic crazy bad? Won’t a closed bridge make it worse? Oh well.

It’s a romantic date and Kalon doesn’t know how he’s ever be able to top it. He also tells her he might be falling in love her. Awwww. He then tells us that they are all alone on this bridge- zombies could be attacking and they are off alone having dinner. Wow, how many men would be thinking of zombies while on a date?

Back at the house, Chris is pouting and comes up with the scheme to hurt Kalon by making sure Lindzi goes home instead of Sarah. Because if he’s going home he’s “going to take it like a man.” Someone please send a man to the Bachelor Pad house so these guys will understand what a real man really is.

The next day Blakeley is nervous to find out what their date will be, Ed tells her no-one cares. A solitary shining moment for Ed. They all begin trying to guess what the overnight date will be; a private jet overseas? A cruise in the mediterranean? Helicopters?  Ok, really guys, this is an overnight date the are going on, not a magic time machine.

The date card arrives; they are given a map and one of those jeeps they always have in movies set in Mexico when the stars are about to get kidnapped or blown up. Not exactly romantic but Blakeley tells us she’s waiting for the helicopter to come up over the next hill to take them somewhere great.

Redneck helicopter.

Blakeley is NOT impressed with the Airstream. All her daydreams are dashed and now she’s stuck in a field with Tony. Tony doesn’t seem to mind though. Poor Tony.

They do share some insights to each other and talk and dance but it comes off as an awkward middle school date. Apparently however, the script tells them to say what a great date it was so they gush.

Back at the house, Chris realizes he needs to build his alliances back up if he’s going to get Lindzi voted off. He starts by schmoozing Ed. Ed is totally into forgiving and forgetting but wants to make sure they communicate 100% this time.  We think Ed is drunk 99.9% of the time so this will be hard for him.

Michael sets up an “in the house” date with Rachel so they can have some one-on-one time. Michael tells us he’s a lover and he needs a girl to kiss and hold and love. This should be sweet but it seems a little creepy to us. Is it Rachel that he likes or could it just be any girl? Or is it the on air time that he loves?

The next day, Blakeley and Tony come home and gush some more. It’s time for Tony to give out his rose and Chris corners him to try to sway his vote but Blakeley has a firm grasp on Tony’s penis so the rose goes to Jaclyn. Blakeley tells us the difference between Tony and Chris is that Tony is a real “domesticated man.” Translation: pussy-whipped.

It’s rose ceremony time. First though, Chris Harrison wants to know who are partners and who are real partners.

Ed?  Well, Ed tells everyone that he is there to have fun, he will never be in a relationship on this show and he has a great partner.

Say WHAT!?

Before Jaclyn has too much time to be crushed, Chris Harrison announces a change in the voting. Everyone will vote for 1 girl to home and that girl will get to pick the guy who goes home with her. Monkeywrench! Everyone has to decide how they will vote and by that we mean they all turn to Chris and/or Michael to ask them how to vote.

Michael decides that the best plan would be to get everyone to vote for Erica Rose but make her believe Chris wants her gone so she takes Chris with her.