Bachelor Pad Recap- Wonder Twin Power Fail

Recaps

By Jane and Blanche | Thursday, August 2, 2012 | 8:00 am | 6 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , ,
Posted in: Bachelor Pad, Recaps

Let’s ALL be twins! 

 Hola Gasmii! Have no fear! We are here…to recap Bachelor Pad… Lame? Sorry. We are going to be honest, guys, we have never watched Bachelor or Bachelorette. At least not more than Joel McHale showed us on The Soup. And we haven’t watched the two other seasons of Bachelor Pad either so we had no idea what to expect.

HOLY SHITBALLS! LOVE IT! Monday nights are now our favorite night of the week!

We were just put on the case and we know we missed last week so let’s do a minicap:

Skin is in!

We were introduced to a bunch bitter men and women and watched Chris Harrison throw some fresh meat into the cages.

Here are the house guests (info from ABC’s website):
The Women
Lindzi Cox, (“The Bachelor” Season 16, Ben Flajnik) Occupation: Development Manager    Age: 27    Residence: Bellevue, WA
Blakeley Jones, (“The Bachelor” Season 16, Ben Flajnik) Occupation: Esthetician    Age: 34    Residence: Charlotte, NC
Sarah Newlon, (“The Bachelor” Season 11, Brad Womack) Occupation: Bar Manager    Age: 28    Residence: St. Louis, MO
Jamie Otis, (“The Bachelor” Season 16, Ben Flajnik) Occupation: Registered Nurse    Age: 25    Residence: New York, NY
Erica Rose, (“The Bachelor” Season 9, Prince Lorenzo Borghese) Occupation: Law Student     Age: 29    Residence: Houston, TX
Jaclyn Swartz, (“The Bachelor” Season 16, Ben Flajnik) Occupation: Account Manager     Age: 27    Residence: Newton, MA
Rachel Trueheart, (“The Bachelor” Season 16, Ben Flajnik) Occupation: Executive Assistant    Age: 27    Residence: New York, NY
 Brittany and Erica Taltos, (super fans) Occupation: Students    Age: 22    Residence: Gainesville, FL
Paige Vigil, (super fan) Occupation: Jumbo Tron Operator    Age: 24    Residence: New York, NY
Donna Zitelli, (super fan) Occupation: Student    Age: 22    Residence: Hackensack, NJ
The Men
Ryan Hoag, (“The Bachelorette” Season 4, DeAnna Pappas) Occupation: High School Dean/former NFL player    Age: 32    Residence: Minneapolis, MN 
Kalon McMahon, (“The Bachelorette” Season 8, Emily Maynard) Occupation: Luxury Brand Consultant     Age: 27    Residence: Houston, TX
Nick Peterson, (“The Bachelorette” Season 7, Ashley Herbert) Occupation: Trainer    Age: 27    Residence: Tampa, FL
Tony Pieper, (“The Bachelorette” Season 8, Emily Maynard) Occupation: Lumber Trader     Age: 30    Residence: Portland, OR
Reid Rosenthal, (“The Bachelorette” Season 5, Jillian Harris) Occupation: Realtor    Age: 33    Residence: Philadelphia, PA
 Michael Stagliano, (“The Bachelorette” Season 5, Jillian Harris, “Bachelor Pad 2″) Occupation: Entrepreneur     Age: 27    Residence: Sherman Oaks, CA
Ed Swiderski, (“The Bachelorette” Season 5, Jillian Harris) Occupation: Technology Consultant     Age: 33    Residence: Chicago, IL

Chris Bukowski, 25, Corporate Sales Director, “Bachelorette” Season 8
Chris Bain (super fan) Occupation: SWAT Team Officer     Age: 28    Residence: Canton, GA
David Mallet (super fan) Occupation: Real Estate Agent/MMA fighter     Age: 28    Residence: Hoboken, NJ 

5 (well 6 if you count the twins and we really don’t want to)  super-fans of the shows Bachelor and Bachelorette are competing this season. Two guys (David and SWAT) and three ladies (Paige, Donna and the twins, who only count as one vote).

There are all the standard introductions and limo arrivals, except for Kalon who drove up in his own car, threw Chris Harrison the keys and said, “Park it close.”

David and the twins are a team and win the first challenge which is great for them.  Then David gets brutally honest with Erica Rose about wanting to vote her off which is not so great. We are all for honesty guys but hell hath no fury and all… So all the castmates conspire to get rid of the “newbies” except for Donna because she walks around half-naked…

SWAT and Paige get voted off the island…wait, no, where are we?  They don’t get roses and have to leave immediately. Reid is sad because he liked Paige but he hates Ed more so the fun is just beginning.

Nice guy Chris, is really a jerk who will “do whatever it takes to win the money.” And jerk, Kalon, is actually kinda funny in a mean, sadistic kinda way. What bizarro world has ABC thrust us into? Blakeley is über cray cray and Ed gets über drunk. Nobody’s naked…yet…so let’s get onto the next episode!

We start with Erica promising to make David’s life miserable. Or maybe this was her online dating video? It would explain why she’s still single…

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We grew up on the prairie; Blanche is older and became blind by her teenage years... Jane is the adorable younger sister, known as "half -pint." Ok, so that's not true but we were raised in Texas, so kinda close.

We're all grown up now and are official card-carrying members of the Asshole Social Society, it's kinda like an exclusive country club, but for snarky  people who have no money, and would rather stay home talking to the tv than to other people.

Growing up we fought like crazy but only during the commercials... Now we're sisters that love and respect each other, only on the 8's tho (kinda like the weather channel...)

We love all reality tv and meat products.

We will try to make you laugh but a majority of the time we just make ourselves laugh so you may get a raw deal.

People love us! At least to our face they do, which is proper southern etiquette .

6 Comments

  1. 1
    itchy itchy
    Posted August 2, 2012 at 10:32 am

    They really rolled out the Z-list this season. And their choice of “fans” leaves me scratching my head — they couldn’t find better than this? Surely they could have drummed up better-looking famewhore wannabes than this crop. If I want to watch a bunch of homely people around a swimming pool, I can go back to the States and see my family. Which I’m doing next week. Hey, wait a second…

    Anyway, Jamie is the girl who performed the world’s most unsexy seduction scene the last Bachelor season. She’s a nutcase. Except I’m a sucker for that fingerless glove look.

    Also (since I’m obsessed with the Bachelor universe), the kissing scenes during the concert all came from a music video they were shooting at the time — so the whole line about kissing the big-titty fan to give her something to remember was dubbed in afterward.

    The best part of this season is watching Chris Hostdouchison’s expressions. He’s starting to question his life-choices now, and this is pretty evident.

  2. 2
    JELLIEPAIR
    Posted August 2, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    This show is the ultimate train wreck and I love to hate it – there is nothing more pathetic than these desperate girls and random guys – the only guy worth anything is Michael because he is there to have fun and actually has a personality. The others are either unattractive or obnoxious. And god, that Erica Rose – give it a rest – shes ugly inside and out and whinny as hell. And was Lidzi (sp – yuck) ever cute because in this show she looks terrible and sounds like a heavy smoker. At least Rachel looks the gravely voice part and at least she’s not having a showmance with Kalon who is a complete utter douche. Keep the car close Chris – cuz he’s gong home soon (lets hope)

  3. 3
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted August 2, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    They’re not just regular Wonder Twins. They’re the Jersey Shore Wonder Twins! They tried to get on Real World and Big Brother too but got turned down. Chris Harrison needs to get them back quick.

    It’s worth getting up and watching tv just to hear them speak their WonderTwin language.

    Specially when they say “Bachelor Pad.” Which is “bashrpad” in WonderTwin. But like it was just 1 syllable. Even though it’s also sort of like 2.

    To where it starts to deserve the vocabulary word of duality. Just like the Wonder Twins! They don’t need vocabulary words though. And neither does WonderTwin. Since it’s got syllable magic.

    1′s a slut and 1′s a bisexual virgin. And nobody knows which 1′s what. Not even them. It’s a Wonder Twin secret.

    I can’t wait till they get their own spin off show. I hope they call it twin off. With a big spray can for a logo that says that. And every week a different reality show tries to get rid of them. But can’t.

  4. 4
    considerthis
    Posted August 2, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    Michael Stagliano is to Bachelor Pad what Jonny Bananas or Paula Walnuts is to The RW/RR challenges. Dude with your 4th appearence on this franchaise you just entered pathetic, desparate, sell my soul vs. get a real job/life world. He is witty and engaging but time to turn in your rose.

    I swear that when Blakely was on Ben’s season she was 36 as they were mocking he age of which I took offense as that was my age at the time. Has she found the fountian of youth or should she be called Fakely?

    This cast is lame-o for sure and the fans are really an in-bred lookin bunch.

  5. 5
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted August 2, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    Our favorite twins moment has to be with Nick and Tony on the couch because the guys faces mirrored everyone watching. After 2 episodes we’re kind of team Kalon. Nothing like a bad boy to stir the loins ;)
    The girls make us sad, so whiny, so desperate… We can’t look away! We can’t wait for next week, lol

  6. 6
    itchy itchy
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    “And every week a different reality show tries to get rid of them. But can’t.”

    What a fantastic concept!

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