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Ok, I’ll admit it, I was giving a bit of the eye roll to the last two weeks of the Bachelorette. No one was bringing it, I can only make fun or gay Mormon Jef for so long, and if you play a drinking game for every time Emily says “father”, “father figure”, “ready to be a dad” you will be wasted before the first commercial break. I was struggling to make this more entertaining, and then this episode kicked it up a notch, thank you Bachelorette editors!
Emily starts off this week with a romantic date with Chris, who if he is 25 I’m 12, but whatever he seems nice enough. They do what any couple in Charlotte does on a night on the town, scale a building during a lightening storm. Emily and Chris scale a building and when the reach the top Emily informs us that Chris passed the test!
Last week it was the cookie test with Ryan, this week it’s the scaling a building in metropolitan Charlotte test. What’s with all these tests? Does this bitch have a bachelors in secondary education that we don’t know about? Doubtful. Emily and Chris enjoy a rooftop dinner where the big reveal is made, Chris is only 25 years young, Emily’s 26 years are horrified, she doesn’t want to be in a May-December relationship. He’s got 12 months on ya kid, calm down. Chris tells Emily age ain’t nothing but a number because he’s ready to be a father to Ricki, you know I have to say these guys might want to meet this brat before they commit to being a father to her. I mean Emily doesn’t even seem like she wants to be a mother to her. This is enough for Emily though, and she hands over a rose to Chris.
He’s safe. No joke, he’s pretty easy on the eyes, I’m ok with this. They wrap up the date with Emily’s signature move, going to see a country concert in the middle of the street while the serfs of Maynard Manor look on. Emily and Chris dance, make out a little, and eventually let all the indentured servants join in on the dancing. Emily’s dates are starting to get a bit repetitive.
Back at the house Tony is missing his son. Unlike father of the year Doug, we haven’t seen physical proof of Tony’s son, so I can only assume that Tony’s son is a figment of his Bachelorette imagination. No time to miss your kid Tony because it’s group date time! Emily sends the guys a message saying, “Let’s Play…” and a bunch of her semi rejects gather at the park to meet up with her. This was a fun moment for me as we learned Emily, not so pretty in daylight, and Chris Harrison must have been hiding under a picnic table to give her lips injections every 12-18 minutes because she’s slowly turning into the AFLAC duck. Emily is excited to see the guys but promptly ditches them, to go and check in on her loser friends who are 15 years older than her and vicariously living through her and a heavily worn copy of “50 Shades of Grey”. See this date isn’t a date at all, it’s the FRIENDS TEST! You know like when you bring the 10 guys you’re dating to meet your kid’s friends mothers! We have all done that right? Right? Whatever, the women break up into teams to interview these guys where they basically just asking them if they are ready to be a dad, and if they can dance. It’s a resounding YES…and I don’t know, who wants a dude that’s really good at dancing? Jef? Just sayingggg.
It’s time to take it up a notch because Emily wants to see how these guys work with kids so with a blow of a whistle a bunch of latch key kids come tumbling out of vans in the parking lot and storm the playground. Emily tells the guys to go play with the kids so she can see how good they would be at being a Dad. If you want to see how good they are at being a Dad why don’t you go see how strictly they enforce Ricki’s low carb diet? This whole scene is awkward and I’m not convinced Emily was even watching them on the playground. She won’t exploit Ricki on tv, but she’s all for exploiting other people’s children. Ok. Ryan decides to ditch the kid n play to check in on Emily and her friends. This surprises me since Ryan took so much pleasure staring at those kids in the soccer field last week, but whatever.