And…..we’re back. This season is flying by. Ok we start off with Bluto confronting Paula about last nights events. At first Paula tries to keep control of the situation but it becomes clear pretty fast that Bluto has turned a corner and is standing up to her. Bluto tells her that unless she apologizes it will be like this every day because she never did shit to her. Paula tells her to sit down and Bluto tells her she is done telling her what to do. Paula looks a little shocked to say the least.
Crap. The bitch grew a pair.
Bluto tells Paula she has done everything in her power to treat her like a human being. Paula starts to interrupt again and Bluto shuts her down. Paula’s defense is that she never talked shit about Bluto, she just said she doesn’t like her. Bluto rolls her eyes. She also tells her she has had enough. Paula actually apologizes. Bluto tells her that she isn’t going anywhere so don’t disrespect her and she will do the same. Paula agrees and they shake hands.
Wow. An actual adult conversation. How the hell did that happen?
In confessional, a teary eyed Paula tells us that she is not proud of what she did. She’s 26 and she’s not that girl anymore. She says she can’t take it back and she was just at a point where she felt she had to put her hands on her so she did.
Bluto runs and tells Rocky about the apology. Rocky is not impressed and tells us that Paula does not like Bluto and that when “they” don’t like her it hurts her feelings and when “they” do it butters her muffin. And it bothers her.
Some cutouts are just not flattering. At all.
Stephanie sees the picture and runs to get everyone else. Paula thinks she looks like Janae. Rocky laughs at her top lip and eyebrows. She tells us she looks like she has a bad attitude and she will be on Team Rocky because she needs a hothead on her side.
Shrek tells us it’s about to be her birthday. She is soooo happy because she is known for parties. This years theme…….costumes! You rebel you! Off to Costumes Etc. we go.
Shrek, Stephanie,Charlie and Rocky try on different things. Charlie takes this time to inform us that she sees some things about Rocky that she doesn’t like but she will play nice for Shrek’s party.
Back at the house Bluto calls her friend and tells him that she isn’t going any where. She tells him Paula is soft and she didn’t feel anything. She says she confronted Paula and Paula told her she didn’t want none and had both hands up like she was being confronted by a police officer. Yeah that might be a big ass exaggeration there Bluto.
Stephanie asks Paula how she is. Paula tells us that she is not proud of fighting and it’s not cute. Yeah you already told us that. The editing on this show sux ass. Paula tells her that she apologized to Bluto and blah blah blah. She tells us that Bluto is fake and they will never be friends but as long as Bluto doesn’t disrespect her she won’t be disrespectful of her. Stephanie says that real friends tell each other when they are being wrong and Paula was wrong. She says you can’t forget where you are at and this is the BGC and it’s your job to control yourself when bitches get under your skin.
Rocky and Bluto are whispering. Basically Rocky is telling Bluto that a new girl is coming and she is gonna snatch her. Bluto says she will help. Rocky asks Bluto if she will have her back and Bluto says of course. Sounds like Rocky has her doubts about that.
Shrek, Stephanie and Charlie are talking about the new girl and Shrek says she hopes that she’s pretty in real life but her picture is bogus. She tells us she doesn’t care about having a new girl and does not want to get to know her.She says she looks mean and wonders if she’ll last 2 weeks.
New girl has arrived. She’s 22 from Memphis, TN.
Nancy tells us she has no filter and says what she thinks. She could give a rat’s ass about what people think about her and you can be classy but she also loves sex. She says people can either get with it or get lost.
Paula is the first to greet her but soon Rocky and Bluto are dragging her through the house showing her where everything is. Rocky says she wants Nancy to feel the way she didn’t get to feel on her first day. Outside Rocky and Bluto are chatting her up and Rocky warns her that she shouldn’t get too drunk because there are some jumping ass bitches in there. Nancy says shes from Tennessee and nobody can take advantage of her. She tells us that she understands they were just giving her a heads up but that was their drama and in the past and has nothing to do with her. When Bluto and Rocky take her to the Magic Room, Charlie is there and they introduce her. She says she came in thinking she sure hopes bitches don’t just start jumping as soon as they see her. Charlie laughs nervously. Charlie tells us thank goodness she looks better than her picture because that was a tragedy. She does own a mirror right?
Paula asks her if she’s straight. She is even though she has fooled with a bitch. She just can’t do the girlfriend thing. She has no kids but has a 64 year old sister. Wha??????????? Yep, her Daddy had her when he was 72. Fuck me running.
Later, Nancy is talking to Paula and Stephanie. She says she has been in plenty of fights before. Stephanie says she does not fight in the house. Nancy then says she heard there was jumping ass bitches in the house. Paula tells us it had to be Rocky or Bluto who said it and they were obviously talking about Charlie. No shit.
Are your ears burning bitch?
Nancy tells us she wants these bitches to get fucked up so she can see their true colors. Off to Opera we go. Dancy dancy, drinky drinky. Suddenly Shrek notices something. A nasty something. While Nancy is bent over clapping her ass, her tampon string is hanging out. Seriously.
That. Is. Hysterical.
Paula pulls her aside and tells her and she laughs and thanks her. Shrek meanwhile decides to tell Charlie about the jumping comment. Charlie wants to get this straight, every time she jumped in, she got pulled out. She jumped in but she did not get jumped. So it’s not really jumping. I call bullshit you jumping ass bitch. Shrek asks Bluto if she is the one who told Nancy that there was jumping bitches in the house. Bluto says no!
Bluto goes over to Rocky and tells her to keep dancing. She tells her what happened and tells her not to look at them and not to make a face. Meanwhile….
I know the feeling.
Paula tells Charlie to let it go and watch and observe. Wait for the right time. She tells us it’s not a big deal.
Once back at the house Charlie wastes no time pulling Nancy aside to fill her in on the fact that Rocky is a replacement. Nancy just wants to know who wants to jump her. Charlie tells her that if you are talking about 3 people you can’t expect to get touched by just one. She got jumped because she deserved it. Really, cause I’m pretty damn sure you just denied jumping at all. Charlie tells her that Rocky is a ho, a groupie and a fucking drunk. Charlie then tells us that the new girl is cool and that if she really had jumped Rocky she would not be standing. Go suck a rifle you hideous bitch. She says Rocky better sleep with one eye open because the day she decides to sleep is the day she goes crazy. Proving yet again she can’t do anything unless the other person can’t see it coming. What a waste of weave.
Birthday time! Charlie and Stephanie make Shrek a birthday breakfast and Charlie barks out a sort of birthday rap. Shrek is all aglow with happiness.
Outside Rocky and Bluto are talking about the jumping comment and the fact that no one has asked Rocky about it. Rocky tells us there is some bi-polar ass shit in this house and she just hopes nancy is smart enough to see through it.
Meanwhile Paula tells Nancy they are going out and Nancy wants to come because she doesn’t want to stay at the house with Rocky. She tells us she’s a bit of an airhead and she cannot conversate with that.
At the nail place Charlie tells Nancy that Rocky is pissed because she isn’t the new girl anymore. Nancy is pissed that she would feel that way. Paula tells us that Charlie is filling Nancy in on what an attention whore Rocky is. Paula tells us she is so sick of hearing Rocky’s name she could pull her hair out by the roots. She tells Charlie that and that she thinks that they should be focused on getting to know Nancy. Hahahaha shut the bitch down! Charlie just says ok.
Back at the house Shrek is getting ready for her party.
Does he specialize in rat’s nest?
Stephanie and Charlie have put out cupcakes and balloons and Shrek blows out her candles. She tells us that she hopes that if there is any drama tonight that she starts it. She says she knows that Charlie is pissed at Rocky and Bluto for saying people jump in the house. Off to Luxe we go.
Everyone is dancing and then Rocky goes up to Charlie and says she doesn’t want anymore drama. She tells her she never said who jumped who.
Smother that bitch with her own hat.
Charlie tells us that Rocky obviously senses some tension and has apologized. She says don’t start no shit, won’t be no shit. Thank you Maya Angelou.
Meanwhile Bluto thinks………..
Rocky tells Bluto she apologized to Charlie but she made it seem like she was trying to start drama. Why would you apologize? That shit was true. Rocky doesn’t understand why Charlie is mad because she didn’t lie. Charlie meanwhile tells Shrek that Rocky apologized and Shrek says it’s too late, she already started the drama. She tells us she’s sick of girls talking shit behind everyone’s back. You mean like you and your friends do every day all day? Suck it troll.
In the limo Shrek starts clapping her hands and saying,”Fake will never get you far.” She looks at Rocky and Bluto and tells them to stop talking shit because they know! Rocky tells us she knows something is going to go down tonight and that Bluto better have her back.
At the house, Shrek tells them if they have a problem with someone to tell them so. Bluto says ok. Shrek continues and says that someone told the new girl that bitches jumped people in this house. Rocky tells her it wasn’t like that. Cut to Rocky telling Nancy about the bullies and jumping. Shrek says she’s gonna go ask Nancy.
Shrek asks Nancy what was said and she repeats what I’ve typed for the thousandth time. Shrek tells her that Rocky and Bluto are mad. Shrek then tells Charlie that they said she was lying. This makes Charlie insane and she runs like hell, drops her plate and runs some more to confront Bluto and Rocky. Shrek yells at her not to say anything. What happened to talking to people if you have a problem with them and not behind their back SHREK? All these bitches are psycho.
Charlie yells for nobody to hold her back and runs upstairs. No one was trying to hold her back. She asks Rocky if she said she was lying. Rocky denies it. Charlie says she’s tired of these motherfuckers talking shit and then when confronted they………..I couldn’t understand what the hell she’s screaming because she was barking and screeching in that dog whistle voice as she has seizures and claps her hands. Dramatic ass bitch.
Somebody muzzle that bitch.
Cut to Nancy who thinks these bitches are all banana’s. Meanwhile Charlie is still screeching and hopping up and down and threatening to whoop both their asses. She tells Rocky that if she jumped her she would not have that same face and she would not be walking. “Play with me, fuck with me see what happens.” Rocky says Bluto better have her back, that just being in the room and not saying anything doesn’t tell her she has her back. Shrek tells Nancy that Bluto won’t stand up for nobody she just goes to whatever side she feels like going to at that time. Now Paula tells us that everyone has come to the conclusion that the real problem is Bluto and not Rocky. Jesus I’m getting dizzy!
As usual nothing happens and Shrek and crew head back outside. Charlie says the bitch can’t say shit to her face but does it behind her back. You know, like what she’s doing now. She says they need to keep being terrified because they day they stop is the day they get their ass beat. Nancy says Rocky should never have said shit to her and there would be no problem. Hey stupid she was trying to help your ass.
Cut to Bluto and Rocky saying the other girls are dropping bugs in the new girls ear. Rocky says if Charlie comes at her again she won’t hesitate.
The next morning Stephanie asks Nancy if they got their drama sorted out. Nancy say that wasn’t her drama but she’s glad it’s over. Stephanie says no, they will do little shit around the house like fuck up her picture. Nancy says they better not. Nancy says now that she knows about the games Bluto and Rocky play she’s fed up with them. Meanwhile Bluto has her nose up Charlie’s ass and tells her that Rocky doesn’t have any beef with her and blah blah blah please like me pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.
Hey Bluto, there’s a little something on your nose.
Charlie says she doesn’t like Rocky because she doesn’t like people who pretend to be more stupid than they are. Bluto keeps trying to smooth shit over but Charlie ain’t having it.
Time for part 2 of Shrek’s birthday marathon. Spa day. Everyone goes except for Rocky and Bluto. Which Paula says is fine with her. In the car Stephanie asks why Bluto was in the middle of everything? She then says that when everything was going down Bluto pulled her hair back and then gave Rocky a tie for her hair. This pisses Charlie off and she says if you put your hair up you better do something. Stephanie tells us that Bluto is trying to look like a thug but it’s a costume and a stupid one at that.
Back at the house Rocky is pissed at Bluto for talking nice to Charlie. She says when Charlie asked her ass if she was going out she should have said hell no and not I don’t know. Rocky tells us it’s exhausting being Bluto’s friend. She says she doesn’t trust her when she’s not with her because she knows she is being nice. Rocky tells Bluto she doesn’t trust her and Bluto says she’s not gonna let them make her bi-polar. She then tells us that even though she sees where Rocky is coming from, she’s a little confused because it seems that Rocky can be nice to them but she can’t. Rocky says she is about to snap and that she is being way too cool right now with these bitches.
Over at the spa, Charlie,Shrek and Stephanie are getting the works. That means massage,facial and Brazilian. Stephanie has never had a wax before and she is skeerd. Then you hear a rip and a scream.
Happy Birthday bitch.
Back at home they all get ready for a night out. Rocky and Bluto are doing their own thing. Rocky tells us she is sick of Bluto’s back and forth, acting like someone else when she’s not around. But they are gonna have fun. She hopes.
The others are talking about getting shit faced. And going to a lounge. Only one problem,the lounge is closed. Sad face! Charlie immediately starts talking about how things are all good until “they” start talking shit. Like she’s doing right now. Stephanie says they have each others backs, “so hard”. Charlie says they throw each other under the bus all the time. Shrek finds them annoying and says it’s gonna be worse when they come home drunk and all of them are sober. Charlie says that’s not even cool. Oh so they aren’t supposed to drink because y’all were too stupid to make proper plans? Bite me.
Bluto and Rocky are drinking and talking. Rocky tells us that Bluto is a nice girl but she needs to stop being nice to the other bitches who have been so rude to her. She says she cannot keep giving Bluto her strength. In the limo, Rocky starts telling Bluto that when they get home, if she starts talking to those bitches she will feed her ass to the wolves. Bluto just says ok. Rocky starts getting all animated and says she is supposed to be HER friend over and over until Bluto starts crying.
Back home Rocky tells Bluto to stop crying and they go in the house. Charlie is ready to start some shit and follows them upstairs and purposely bumps Rocky.
Throw that bony bitch down the stairs!
Rocky stops and just stares at Charlie. Charlie says, “Don’t even look at me like that bitch.” Rocky tells her not to put her hands on her and Charlie keeps saying, “But you were in my way.” Rocky tells her she should have said excuse me. Rocky tells us things are about to pop off. Charlie then tells Bluto that at the end of the day she doesn’t fuck with Rocky but she fucks with her. Charlie tells her that Rocky is stupid and Bluto tells her to give it another try. Charlie says no. In walks Rocky who grabs Bluto by the hand and leads her away. Charlie is now pissed because Bluto was talking to her until Rocky came in. She asks Bluto if she fucks with her or not. Bluto tells her that her mouth is making her deaf. Charlie takes offense at this. “Do you fuck with me or not?” Bluto says she’s been fucking with her for the longest. Rocky over hears all this and now wants to confront Bluto about where she lies. Rocky tells Bluto to act the way she acts when she’s around. Charlie agrees. While Charlie is yelling “agree!” Rocky gets in Bluto’s face and screams that she is tired of this shit. Rocky goes downstairs and screams back up that she’s about to snap. Bluto tells Charlie that she told her she fucks with Rocky and Charlie completely loses it and jumps in her face and Screeches, “Do you fuck with me or not?”
Her voice is like a cat in a blender.
Bluto tells us that those girls were never her friend and just walked all over her. She says she can be a ruthless ass bitch when she wants to. Yeah now would be a good time. Paula has pulled the screeching ass Charlie away but she’s still screeching and then gets all in Bluto’s face again and says, on’t do that to me dawg!” Blah blah blah until they look like they are dancing across the hall. Bluto tries to push her away and it looks like Charlie hits her.
Pop goes the weasel.
Until nest week,
Love & Smooches,
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