Bad Girls Club Recap: Miserella

Hello my lovies! We start off this week with Fallen,J-Bloat and Mobama sitting around a table looking like hell. The end.

Just kidding, Fallen suddenly jumps up from the table and flips over a chair and yells, I hate people.” Mobama looks at J-Bloat and asks why all the drama. J-Bloat explains to her that basically whenever she has a problem with Fallen she runs her mouth to her instead of Fallen. Fallen comes back in the room and asks Mobama what’s up and does she have a problem. Mobama starts to answer and Fallen cuts her off. Mobama tells her not to ask her a question if she doesn’t want to hear the answer. Fallen says she wasn’t finished. Fallen tells her to come to her if she has a problem with her and not to J-Bloat. She tells us that Mobama talks shit behind everybody’s ass. Mobama acts like it was no big deal and in the past and tells them if they don’t want to fuck with her anymore over some stupid shit then fine. Whatever. And she pouts.

Wah wah I think I’ll go eat some worms!

Mobama tells us she doesn’t give a rats ass about what was just said and she doesn’t trust Fallen and J-Bloat anymore!

Later Mobama asks Andrea and Blondie if they are going to “tidy up” their room for the new girl. Blondie is all, I doubt it. Mobama asks her if she could at least put away her vibrator.

Bet ya thought she was joking.

 Apparently that’s a negative also since Blondie likes to keep it handy. Andrea is hoping the new girl is nice because everyone else has rubbed her the wrong way.

In another part of the house Rima is eating what looks like melted shit out of a piece of tin foil and then decides to make a mustache on her face with it. She then chases Fallen and Blondie through the house trying to kiss them. She finally catches J-Bloat in the kitchen and in a man’s voice asks her if she will marry her. She says yes and then Rima proceeds to try and kiss her.

This show is gonna make me puke.

 Everyone is laughing and J-Bloat tells us that Rima hasn’t done anything lately and that since Rima is going out of her way to be nice she’s not gonna be a jerk. Awww.

Later they all decide to go out and get some lunch and have fun. J-Bloat is very excited about her and Rima’s wedding. Yes they plan on having a ceremony on the beach. While they laugh it up, Mobama is off alone.

She just screams fun doesn’t she?

Blondie wants to dress up like a sexy man and J-Bloat wants to tranny her up. She says noooooo. Blondie is the Best Man and Fallen is the Maid of Honor. I guess Mobama gets to be the Flower Girl. Oh joy!

Back at the house the girls are talking about how the new girl is not invited to the wedding. They decide they will have to haze this girl and not welcome her because……well because that’s what all the other seasons do to new girls! Andrea is the only one who says she will not be mean because she knows how it feels. J-Bloat says as the bride, they will be mean!

While they sleep, this appears.

If you say so.

When they find it of course they write crap all over it and declare they will hate her on sight! Andrea says she looks mean and she suspects by her tatts that she is a lesbian or bisexual.

The twits get ready and head out to a sex shop to buy clothing and accessories for the wedding party. Cause that’s where ya go when looking for wedding attire.

Once there J-Bloat holds up a toy called a Micro Dolphin and declares that this proves her theory that dolphins are pervs. Rima finds something and asks what it is. The lady tells her it’s a cock ring. Rima says no it has 2 holes. The lady kindly explains.

Like,duh!

Again while everyone is laughing it up and trying on hooker heels and slapping ass, Mobama is off to the side looking like she smells hobo ass. J-Bloat tells us that usually she sticks by Mobama when she’s miserable but she has way more fun with the other girls because Mobama sucks. Back to the house they go and as night falls, the new girl arrives. To a locked door. She knocks. Then rings the doorbell. As she’s waiting for them to open the door she tells us she likes straight girls because they are a challenge. Well slap my ass she is a lesbian!

Zuly……really????

She tells us she came out when she was 21 and she’s dominate and likes to put girls against the wall and bite them. She also guarantees she will bring spicy Latin flavor into the house.

Fallen lets her in with a stankface but Zuly immediately puts her hand out and says,”That’s what’s up girl. How ya doin’?” She introduces herself and Fallen says nothing. Mobama actually says hello nice to meet you and then she goes looking for the others. She sees Rima and says “Damn sexy ass bitch right there!” That’s all it took and she was welcomed. She also compared J-Bloat to Katie Perry so I assume she’s legally blind but I’ll overlook that.

Zuly asks what their plans are and J-Bloat tells her they are getting married tomorrow. Zuly is like, “For real.” She tells them she wants to be a part of it and they all say, “You’re invited!” She tells them she will be the lesbian in that ceremony. Really? Because if two girls are getting married I’m assuming that they are also lesbians. Anyway they ask if she’s a for real lesbian and she says “Hell yeah.”

Rima tells us Zuly is like a guy but a girl but in a cute way and she complimented her so she loves her! When Rima realizes they will be roommates she tells Zuly she’s gonna sleep with one eye open cause she knows she is a lesbo. Remember that for later. They chit chat a bit more and then Zuly tells Fallen she’s cute and she likes her swagger.

Proving beyond all doubt that she is indeed legally blind.

Later Mobama decides to chat and she actually says this. “How long have you been a lesbian?”

How long have you been an idiot?

Zuly tells her all her life. That she actually realized she was attracted to girls when she was 7. Mobama wants to know how her parents reacted. Not well. Her Mom told her to date guys or leave so she left but now her Mom is very supportive and she is a “happy lesbian.”

J-Bloat tells us that tonight is her bachelorette party and they are going to a strip club to celebrate her last night of freedom and the new girl’s arrival. Off to Club Stripaho we go. While Mobama sits and pouts the others have fun and dance and then things seem to change. They are still having fun. Just a different kind of fun.

Can anyone spell mononucleosis?

Blondie tells us she had never had a three way girl kiss before and there were tongues everywhere and the new lesbian girl had gotten them all sexified! Next Fallen is lap dancing on Zuly. Then kissing her. Blondie is making out with a pole. Mobama tells us that the new girl is bringing out the lesbian in all of them but she isn’t participating just because they have a new one in the house. Lesbian that is.

Back at home Zuly tells us it’s hot tub time and if she has to turn these bitches out she will. And she does.

And J-Bloat was worried about dolphins?

Ya know, I actually thought about teaching Sunday school once.

As J-Bloat tells us, a lesbian comes into the house and it’s a big lovefest. She’s making out with Zuly. Zuly’s making out with Rima. Blondie’s making out with the water jets. The only ones not getting action are Andrea and Mobama who decided to skip these festivities. J-Bloat tells us it’s like a bad sloppy sorority porn.

Some things need no caption.

 Rima tells us she has been lonely there and the next thing ya know, she and Zuly head for the nearest bed.

I don’t even want to know.

After Zuly and Rima finish…….Rima runs outside and asks the others if she looks like she just had sex. They call her a cheater and she claims she’s not married yet so it wasn’t cheating. She tells Fallen she’s really good. Fallen is drunk as a skunk and the next thing you know Rima has dragged her off to Zuly’s lair.  Fallen tells us she wants to get some too but that Zuly was aggressive and bit her lip. However when Zuly asks her if she liked it she’s all, “Yessssssssssss!”

The next morning however…………..

Don’t ya just love that morning after wtf???

 Fallen tells us that she “made out” with the new girl because she was drunk. And it was gross. Not what ya said last night.

The next night Rima, Andrea, Zuly and Blondie are going out for a bachelor dinner. On the way Rima seems to be driving really fast which upsets Blondie. They argue back and forth and Rima tells her if she doesn’t like how she drives then don’t ride with her.

Back at the house, J-Bloat seems to think she’s for real getting married and is decorating the beach and picking flowers.

Blondie tells us she’s a little jealous because Rima should be marrying her and she just doesn’t get it.

The Wedding!

The Cock Ring Bearer and the Flower Girl.

 The Groom and Best…Man??

And then the Bride………..oh wait.

Uhhh,,,ok.