Bad Girls Club Recap: Molly-Whopped

Here we go again gasmites. When we left off last week Snotwad/Janae was basically being bullied out of the house. Valentina had packed her shit in garbage bags and thrown it outside. Snotwad would try to drag it back in but Alicia and crew would just throw it back out. Snotwad has basically given up but that’s not enough for these assholes. They make a concoction of slop and sling it all over Snotwad as she sits defeated on the front steps surrounded by all her things.

That’s too sad even for me to make fun of.

 Most of these bitches think this is hilarious. Nikki of all of them actually tells them that they shouldn’t be doing that. It’s bully behavior. She tells them Snotwad has already decided to leave so what’s the point? Valentina says she doesn’t care.  Valentina, that makes you as much of a Bad Girl as Janae is. She never should have been on the show and you are a follower who only seems to be able to attack the weak. So suck it.

Alicia makes more shit to throw on Snotwad and she and Valentina are laughing their asses off. I don’t know if Snotwad is sloooow or just incredibly patient, but by now I would have lost my fucking mind on these twits.

Again Nikki tries to get them to stop. Paula tells us that they need to chill but doesn’t say that shit out loud. Valentina tells us that Nikki needs to shut the fuck up because this is the Bad Girls Club and Snotwad can’t cut it. You are right Valentina, it’s the Bad Girls Club, not the Bully Girls Club. If you know someone is weak and they are already out the door why keep fucking with them? Oh yeah because it’s easier than taking on someone who might actually whip your ass. Lame ass.

At this point Snotwad tells Alicia and Valentina that she’s done and they “ain’t fixing to break me.” Valentina yells in that dog whistle voice of hers that she’s already broken. Yes she is so why keep slinging slop on her you waste of fucking space?

Shannon tells us that she thinks this shit is wrong too but she has her “game face” on and she’s gonna fake it til she makes it.

You? Fake? Noooooooooooooooooo!

As Valentina is rubbing crap on Snotwad’s back, Alicia decides to start dumping Snotwad’s things on the street and saying they are having a yard sale. FINALLY something snaps in Snotwad’s head and she walks up to Shrek, I mean Alicia and swings on her ass.

I can’t watch.

As much as she tries she never really seems to connect and then of course Valentina comes running and jumps in too. Nikki is yelling no jumping and it looks like Paula tries to step in but then security has them and separates them. Nikki tells us that she feels bad for Snotwad having to explain that black eye she just got but then she also tells the others that they are mean and shouldn’t be picking on her.

In the end a car comes to get Snotwad and she tells us she is bigger and better than these bitches and she wants to leave. She also says she is a Bad Girl and we will be seeing her again.

Aww, no you aren’t and no we won’t but bless your heart.

Out by the pool Nikki is saying if you can’t fight don’t. Stephanie agrees and then Nikki says why would you go after Shrek, again I mean Alicia because she’s an avatar. And they show this picture……….

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile Shannon is cleaning the crap out of her room and telling us that her bed got thrown in the pool and it’s super played out. Agreed. But she says, she is not Janae and she is grown and will sleep in a tree before she leaves the house and they better get used to it. Bitch if you were grown you TAKE the bitches bed that threw yours in the pool and demand that she attempt to take it back. Sleep in a tree? I am seriously about to give up on this entire season.

Later Alicia and Valentina go out to eat some ribs and celebrate the fact that they got Snotwad out of the house. Alicia tells us she runs the house. It took two of you to make the weakest link in the history of BGC to leave and you think you run the house? You need to be running on a treadmill Shrek. Again, LAME.

The whole time they are eating they are discussing Nikki and her attempt to get them to leave Snotwad alone. Valentina tells us, “Shut the fuck up Nikki!” Why do I get the feeling that Nikki is next on the list? I don’t want to like Nikki because, well I don’t like Nikki but at least she sort of tried to do the right thing by Snotwad. Valentina is making me side with Nikki and that makes me hate Valentina even more!

Shrek tells us that she and Valentina have each others backs ride or die. Die please.

Back at the house Stephanie calls Andre and basically demands he come over. She wants to cuddle. He agrees and comes over soon after.

I’m guessing she doesn’t know a lot about southern manners or how to greet guests.

Paula and Shrek meanwhile are discussing Shannon and how fake she is. They don’t trust her. Shrek decides she’s gonna be cordial because they can’t kick two bitches out in the same day. She says the BGC isn’t ready for that. I’m guessing she’d find it a bit harder to kick out Shannon than Snotwad, hence the reason she’s being “cordial.”

Andre and Stephanie end up upstairs listening to gospel music and reading the bible. Oh and doing this.

A prayer circle?

The next morning after Andre leaves, we see Shrek and Shannon having a deep conversation. Shrek feels betrayed by Shannon. Back and forth they go about who said what mean thing and blah blah boring blah. Shannon tells her she can only bump her gums so much but actions speak louder than words and she is trying. She tells us that you can’t hate someone who is trying to be nice to you. Really? Has she forgotten Janae already? She’s gonna kill them with kindness. I’m sure that will work out just fine.

Over to Stephanie discussing her deep feelings for Andre and how she’s never taken the time to get to know someone before sleeping with them and that she feels she can do that with Andre…………….huh? She was hopping on his wiener like a pogo stick! No sex my big fat ass! According to her Andre is the first dude she’s ever talked to and then not fucked. Lady sell bullshit somewhere else, I have a pasture full of it already.

Now she says the whole situation is weird because she normally would never want to talk to a girl or a boy or a boy/girl. Ok now you can go sell crazy somewhere else cause I’m all full up on that too! Is this really on the air? Am I asleep?

Elsewhere Shrek calls her friend Andrew. He asks if they kicked that girl out. She says sorta. He asks if the whole house hates her yet and she says no but give it about a week and she and another girl are gonna be running that house. Oh Shrek, please get your ass whipped soon.

Cut to Nikki telling us that Shrek is a bully and she doesn’t like that shit. She tells Paula that that shit was a 5 car pile up yesterday. She and Paula start discussing the meaning of the word ratchet. Nikki wants to know exactly what it means. Paula explains that it means she or someone is beyond hood, beyond ghetto. In other words…….

RATCHET.

Speaking of ratchet, Shannon is on the phone with her boss. Oh I mean her………………..

If you have your own money, why do you need a Sugar Daddy?

Shannon tells us that her man knows how to spoil her and she gets what she wants because she deserves it. She actually starts talking strategy with this dude about how to win over these twits. What grown ass man with a shitload of money gives a fuck about this shit? I’m thinking Mr. Yes is her pimp. And his name probably actually is Sugar Daddy!

After she tells her pimp that she is gonna kill them with kindness like an Academy Award Actress, miraculously she receives a delivery. Of chocolate covered fruit. For real. I may not be Martha fucking Stewart but I know how to melt chocolate and dip fruit in it. You want to “spoil” me there better be some jewelry, cars, money hell at this point buy the bitch a bed cause she needs one! But fruit? BITE.ME.

Shannon’s plan is to show these girls that if they hang out with her they get all the perks that go along with it and if not, they don’t. PERKS? FRUIT? REALLY? Oh hell it gets worse. Shannon says that chocolate covered scrawberries and nanners deserve some doggie style or maybe even some head. I think my head just exploded! I just have no more words.

Valentina tells us that not too long ago Shannon was public enemy number one but now that she knows that she and Shrek are ballers, she’s trying to impress them. Yeah and from the looks of your chocolate covered teeth it’s working. HOUSE OF RATCHETS!

Nikki calls her Mom and tells her what went down with Snotwad. Her Mom says they sound more like mean girls and not Bad Girls. Then they show a repeat of what happened to Snotwad. I’m noticing a lot of filler in this episode and it’s on my nerves. It’s only the 3rd episode they can’t be out of material yet, can they?

Nikki decides she is in a bad mood and she’s gonna stay home and have some “me time.” At this point I don’t blame her.

The other twits are getting ready for a night out and they start discussing the fact that they are getting a new girl. Paula wants to get her ass drunk and see if she can hold her booze.  Shrek doesn’t know if she wants to go out and has someone flip a coin. The bitch is going out.

Off to Mingles they go. Everything seems fine at first until this guy shows up.

Good for you.

Then the guy gives Stephanie some info she was unaware of……………

Guess who was on there with him?

Yep, Andre was on there too. AND he’s been talking shit about being at the Bad Girls house. Cut to scenes from Love Games where Andre is talking about chasing money not women.